Here's a poem I wrote a while back reflecting on what it's like over-rationalize a simple thing like crushing on a dude -- hence, the title "Scientific Method"
You were a phenomenon I cannot wrap my head around
When I first met you, my heart forgot to make its signature sound
And it's overwhelming, your presence;
And underwhelming, so science will be the only language I'll hide in-- For now.
At first glance, I notice your top button unbuttoned,
and your shirt fully cotton
Complete with a smile as nervous as me
And a swagger in your step only I can see
Further on, I find your wit to be at a pace
That doesn't leave any space for tension to rise
and it's all too nice
And ridiculous and a bit too suspicious
That this isn't another (well,) circus.
Now, let's take a wild guess,
Oh, but it has to be smart, yes,
That this could lead to something with potential
That this isn't another differential easily solved
With a formula, tried and tested but never evolved
For so long, we've both been independent of any dependent
Keeping our variables fixed and ourselves distracted
With anything, everything,
But not a single thing
Could stop me from pushing this blindly to find its threshold,
Hoping that it's a quantity my hands could still hold
Over hours, days, and weeks
Through minor revisions and tweaks
Then comes the analysis -- that these weren't accidents
So, now I find myself in a conundrum
With the anomaly in a blue shirt right in front of me,
That this had to be processed logically,
But the findings are as follows:
None of which were shallow, so I therefore conclude that it's true,
I therefore conclude that it's you.
Mi Luna: The Light in My Dark Soul Locked in… Alone…
Why do I feel comforted by darkness? Oh cause maybe because… I am a jolly and very enthusiast kid back then. All I know is to have fun, laugh and play. But as I grow older, everything has changed, a lot. I can feel the changes. I know the more I get older, I’m turning to something I’m not. You know what, I just realized I like it even more. And that’s how I turned a monster. A monster to my own self. Always questioning life and even God about the things that are happening with my life. “Do I deserve this?”. Every day was a struggle. “Which mask should I wear now?”. And every night is my judgement time. “Should I still continue with my miserable life?”. This certainly sum up my whole life. I have this mindset since I was young. I can say that my experiences made me like this. I always want to escape, but every time I tried to pick up myself up, there is always shits that pulls me down. And there, I get tired. Hoping that no one would ever see this. As I despise myself as well. What I can do now is to just embraced everything, I just embraced darkness- reflecting my own self.
“Look at the moon, it can shine alone and it can give us light at night.” A line I was keeping in my mind that a friend of mine helps me realize things and been there to fix my path. And there I started seeking for my moon but I do not know which part should I start. As days passed, I started to open up myself. I started to act as what truly inside me. It is very hard at first and there is this time that even the situation got worst. But as I continue exploring with my life, a question pop out on my head “Why did I still get this far?”, I can say that maybe I should do this, maybe I really can do this but it is myself who is holding me back because I’m afraid.
Now as far as I am trying to revive my soul, there I know that many people care. Yes, I learned to open up but not to all, on different situations there are people who can understand me because they have the same situation as I am. I learn to open up as long as they did not force me. I learned to navigate and open up for whom I trusted and at the same time when I am ready. The light that I am seeking is my own understanding and acceptance about myself. My light is myself and I am Mi Luna. So it is not too late to save myself. I have thought that, I should be a survivor and winner. That I should also be the ruler of my own mind and soul. Eliminate the room for darkness and let the light shine through you, that I can say how I earned myself again. Mi Luna’s darkness have turned to spotlight.
I just posted some of my own movie reviews from LSS to The Heiress para naman may pagka-movie critic ako in the midst of the pandemic… from Home! Check them out here: Pista ng Pelikulang Pilipino 3 (#PPP2019): • #LSSTheMovie: bit.ly/MyLSSReview • #ThePantiSisters: bit.ly/MyTPSReview • #ImEllenyaL: bit.ly/MyImEllenyaLReview Metro Manila Film Festival: • #TheMallTheMerrier: bit.ly/MyTMTMReview • #MissionUnstapabol: bit.ly/MyMissionUnstapabolReview • #3polTrobolHuliKaBalbon: bit.ly/My3polTrobolReview Non-film fest: • #JamesAndPatAndDave: bit.ly/MyJPDReview • #TheHeiress: bit.ly/MyTheHeiressReview Any thoughts? Don't forget to connect by commenting! Enjoy #MovieBingeAtHome! #COVIDMovieCritic
How can I be sure in my life when I'm indecisive? We all make decisions, but let's be honest that it is not easy to decide like which is which. We all have to consider all the things that can affect our decisions. Since then, making decisions for myself was never been so easy like what should I take, what should I pick and many more. I find it struggling because even though all I want for myself is for the good, I cannot have it because I don't even have the sureness in my life.
As I lay down in my bed at night, I always think the what ifs in my life. "What if I choose that over the other, would it be better?" those kinds of questions. Yes, it is hard being indecisive that you cannot have at least 90% happiness of the decision you made because you're not even sure about it and you will just feel happiness if the results are good. I am the kind of person who just go with the flow and doesn't even bother with the problems that must be taken seriously. I am thankful for the people especially to my friends who are always there to help me out in my life. People think that I'm the type of person who is happy-go-lucky but the truth is I'm just showing that I'm always happy but deep inside of me, I'm not. I'm really questioning myself that makes me overthink sometimes. To be able to help myself, I searched online about tips in making a decision. I know that I'm being "OA" because of this, but actually it helps me. I am trying to apply all the readings I read whenever I make decisions.
Right now, I am somewhat happy and contented because I make decisions that I'm fully sure of. We must not take all the things as a joke, especially in making decisions. I don't want to have those feelings again that I had before. We must all help ourselves whenever we have problems. We cannot depend on others forever. You can reach out, but remember that you yourself is the key to end up the problems that you're into. So, let's all do the things that we can do today because there are many things waiting ahead of us.