OVERCOMING OVERTHINKING: In the Search for the Intangible Three
“You’ll never know the feeling of drowning unless you experience it yourself.” Let’s admit it. We all have dark hours. When our thoughts go wild and haunt us into uncertainty with every second making us ponder over “what if’s” and “what could have been’s”. It is a phase where we can’t scream for help and can’t seem to stand firmly from the quicksand of doubts. The demons within whispers into our ears, casting curses of insecurities, doubts and fears until it becomes our lullabies. The way we live and mingle with our friends and family, everything get affected. It’s like we weren’t given a chance to be happy. We become irrational to the point where what we think affects what we do. We hunger to be free from the chains that keeps on dragging us down to the inferno of mischief in our minds. An internal battle where fear shackles reality and we helplessly become vulnerable prisoners of our barren thoughts. We analyze beyond things and dive into the sea of impossibilities – until we apparently drown and lose.
But not all overthinkers lets their guard down and get defeated by their internal horror. Some still manage to get revive from drowning. They realize that the cure can be found- and it lies within ourselves. An eye for an eye. A tooth for a tooth. And a heart over an idea. Instead of being paranoid, why not oppose these unhealthy thoughts? In fact, you are in control of your mind and the key to get rid of your nightmares lies between the heart and brain. You need to understand yourself first to know what the main problem is. You overthink mainly because you think you are incomplete. You forget the three concepts that will rid your lackness and incapabilities. It is the intangible gift of trust, love and faith.
TRUST You tend to overthink because you let your doubts take over something, someone and even yourself. It’s where your trust is being deprived and neglected and you end up being unaware of it. You easily get sensitive over something and secrete negative emotions that get the best of your well being. How to Gain Trust? Entitling trust to anybody is not easy. It encompasses a complicated process of accepting risks and gambling with what the future might turn into; “self-trust” is the very first step. You need to believe in your capabilities and what you can do beyond what anyone expects. Value yourself. And trust me, as you break your wall and assess people critically, your intuition will tell you who you can trust whole heartedly and who to avoid.
FAITH You focus too much on your greeds and possessions. To have all the worldly possesions, to have the latest gadgets or to become someone powerful and influencial but each day turns out to be a chain of the same routine: wake up each morning and make your dreams and fantasies into reality and go to sleep at night dreaming more and more. You want attention in an instant way. You want everything that comes across your mind to be in the palm of your hands in just a snap that you forget about the idea of God’s perfect plans and His process. You become so preoccupied by the material things and titles that you want to possess – until you get drained. Your mind will still be stuck with the ideas you continuously feed yourself. Your mind no longer creates inspirations, but instead create insecurities. These unhealthy thoughts will dim your vision. Your perspective becomes clouded and the only thing that seems clear is hopelessness. It will intoxicate you – little by little. How to Gain Faith? Dreaming is not bad at all, in fact it serves as our motivation in studying or working hard to be able to meet these. What we need to keep in mind that there is a process, and the bigger the dream, the harder the process. Going to churches and attend masses is not the only way to strengthen your faith. It can also be done at home. You can still revive and keep the fire burning inside yourself. Always be reminded that you are not alone. Not having someone on your side during your darkest hour doesn’t mean no one loves you and nobody would like to extend their hand to you. Challenges in life isn’t solved by“teamwork”. Many of it are meant to be done by ourselves to hone our independence. Self-reflection is beneficial in strengthening faith. Open your heart and cease the moment. Be open and accept failures and try to look at it as life lessons God wants us to learn. We need to carry our own cross. Breathe. Inhale your aspirations, get fueled by that scorching eagerness in your heart. Let your life be driven with passion and entrust Him with everything. Try to read bible verses and you will realize how God Almighty truly loves you. He talks to us through different forms, He always saves us, and He is not dead. He lives inside our hearts, waiting for us to come back to Him.
SELF-LOVE Love is not only the affection between two matters inhibited with a soul, it is transformational. It comes in various yet mysterious ways. It is undefinable. It is a complex feeling that everyone yearns for. And as we welcome the era of modernism, we also see the world with standards and setting finish lines. “We do because we want to” over “we do because we love to” has become extremely evident in our time. Among all the kinds of love, its ironic how self-love is one of the hardest ones to find. You try to fill the emptiness within with inappropriate thoughts but can’t match what pure self-love could be. It messes your mind and haunts you each day. We are complex beings and we always complicate things- but we end up forgetting our essence.
How to Gain Self-love? Self-care is a partial requirement to attain successful self-love. Learn to express how you feel with freedom without crossing its boundaries. Get to know more with who you really are and discover more about yourself. Do not let yourself be confined with the standards of society. Free yourself from judgments and get to know your perception without being influenced by other’s way of thinking. Do what your heart tells you to do. Do what makes you happy. Do without hesitations. Just be yourself. Know your self-worth; accept your flaws and imperfections while celebrating your strengths and filling your heart and mind with gladness. You are not a leftover or a trash but rather, you are a beautiful God-made gift. Always remember that. These three missing intangibles are the powerful gems hiding inside us. Though as we lose it, it is not that easy to put it back to where it once was. Overcoming overthinking isn’t an easy process. It is a fight within ourselves. It is a trial beyond what our eyes can see and what our hands can touch. Have a regular check up with yourself and see if you are emotionally healthy. It is something that we should take care of before we lose the game called life and get tricked by our wild thoughts. Remember that as we dig deeper through uncertainties, we also dig the pits where our thoughts will bury us into.
THERE IS HOPE IN TOMORROW
You pull your phone to your face and look at the digital clock. It says get up, but your body tells it it's still too early. You would rather let your bedsheets devour you into slumber and never wake up. Your muscles are dumbells, weighing you down into the mattress. Have you ever felt something like this before? If not you, have you ever know somebody who has ever told you this feeling? Have you ever tasted your meal but felt like you have bitten into cardboard? Have you ever felt like the tv show you're watching or the video game you're playing starting to look lackluster? Have you ever looked back into an old memory at the back of your brain and wondered, "Why can't I be as happy as that boy, that girl, that person?"
We bear the weight of our struggles and face our demons every day. We look at the mirror and ask, "Why am I not beautiful? Why am I fat, why am I too skinny, why do I have pimples or blemishes?" We look back and remember the times we were hurt, or the times we hurt someone. Or we face traumas that we try to bury deep into the back of our minds in hopes to somehow delete the memory for good. Whatever we face, whatever hardships our brain chooses to dwell on, and whatever time, be it during this day, or for the past year, it's alright. Your pain is valid. To anyone whose heart has been torn, whose self-esteem has been shattered by impossible standards, and to anyone whose tears had been shed countless of times that it had stained their pillow. There is hope in tomorrow.
The minute your eyes opened, that is already a victory. You conquered the night, safe and sound in your blanket and sleep. You are a fighter and you will be safe, you will be fine. You are safe. You are fine. And you are going to find happiness. In a world of ever-changing landscapes, you will find a day where you will shine brighter than the morning star, and you will find the happiness that you deserve. It takes time, and it takes willpower, but know you are not alone. You can be that person in your memory who is happy. The only thing you need to remember is that there is a tomorrow. So the next time you wake up, observe. Look around your bed. Be thankful that you are once more alive. Breathe in and out until you are as light as a feather. And finally, take one step out of your bed.
Because I'm loud and always smiling, they always thought I'm always happy but little do they know that my confidence is slowly shattering. It feels like resting in a dark and silent room with nowhere to go. If there's one thing I'd like to thank for - it's my resilience. Bouncing and slowly picking up the confidence that I lost. It's always like that and should always be.
Face It With Fierce
Take the risk or you lose the chance? I am afraid of fear. Fear of rejections and fear of taking risks. This fear always terrifies me. Often times, I choose to block opportunities. Yes, negative thoughts swallow me every time without me realizing I am missing many opportunities. Oh! no, I am missing a lot of rejections. Rejections that we all know will make us a better person. Rejections that will make us realize that we can do more and we can do better.
I lost chances because I was afraid of taking the risks and grabbing all opportunities. It feels like I am stranded on the same plate with no progression. For me, all those things are not just a piece of cake. I am so sick of being like this, being afraid and weak. I want to face my battle and prove to my self that I can give, I can do more. I try to look at my reflection and says, "You are more than what you see in the mirror, more of you that no one else could never hold on to it. You are more than what you think you are."
Time passes, I learned how to stand on my own, give what I can give, share what do I have and open the door when opportunity knocks. It's fun doing what you love, taking risks without any hesitations and doubts. Embrace the opportunities and seize the moment. If challenges are trying to approach and things get rough, dive in! it's normal.
Life is a matter of ups and downs. When you succeed, smile. When you are rejected and failed, cry and try again. They say, we will never enjoy the feeling of success if we don't experience failure. We dont know what the future may bring but we are free to believe. Dream big its free. Life is full of trials, yet I am full of hopes and dreams. I used to be afraid of my own fears but not anymore. Always face your fear with fierce.
It was 2012 when the doctor said I have scalp psoriasis. I cried so hard knowing that there’s no cure yet and all I can do is to prevent it from spreading. I tried different doctors and different medicines — both for topical use and for intake — just to have another options with high hopes that I can finally find a cure or at least prevent it from spreading. Followed all orders from the doctors, spent a lot of money for years but nothing happened.
Having this condition is shameful. People will think you have the worst dandruff and dry skin in the whole world. Others think that you are just calling it “psoriasis” to make your scalp condition (dandruff) sounds posh. Fyi, to those who are not familiar with my condition: Psoriasis is a chronic skin condition that causes skin cells to multiply up to 10 times faster than normal. This makes the skin build up into bumpy red patches covered with flaking white or silvery scales and sometimes these patches will crack and bleed. They can grow anywhere, but most appear on the scalp, elbows, knees, and lower back.
Though it looks unpleasant and itchy, psoriasis isn’t contagious. You cannot pass the condition from one person to another. It’s an auto immune disease. Stress is also a big trigger for a psoriasis flare. Until I gave up and accept the fact that I’ll be flaky for the rest of my life. One day, I discovered body oils and aromatherapy oils, and I couldn’t be any happier as oils help me conceal the patches and soothes the itchiness because it moisturizes the patches. Aromatherapy oils, on the other hand, does not only help me physically but also mentally and emotionally as it relieves my stress and anxiety. It also introduced me to yoga and mindful breathing.
Using aromatherapy oils, I made my own products like moisturizer for patchy skin; hair mist to moisturize and soothe itchy scalp; face and body mist to hydrate, refresh and soothe dry and tired skin; aroma blends for on-the-go aromatherapy session, formulated for topical use; and of course, essential oils.
As a living proof that aromatherapy works, I created my own brand: @anapanasati.ph to share with everyone the benefits I take pleasure in with aromatherapy, to make aromatherapy accessible to everyone and to encourage everyone to practice mindful breathing. Since we’re under enhanced community quarantine, I took advantage of the time and learn more about aromatherapy by studying online; continue experimenting; do product shoot every now and then; and make friends with people who are interested with aromatherapy and who have the same condition as me online.
These things also help me cope up with anxiety caused by the corona virus pandemic. So if ever you see someone with psoriasis, smile at them (since giving a hug is discouraged nowadays) instead of looking us down and making us feel that we’re contagious because as mentioned WE ARE NOT. So don’t stress yourself out! Inhale and exhale before reacting, and smile. To the people who have the same condition as mine; don’t lose hope, everything is possible if you believe. Just breathe in and breathe out and tell yourself every day, “I am beautiful. I am brave. I am strong. I am great. Psoriasis is not my identity and I am more than my psoriasis”.
All we need is to take it slow. Are you one of those people who hold on to someone just to tell yourself a lie about you being complete? Or you believe you can find true love by being with someone who’s willing to give everything for you? If your answers are all yes, then you have asses yourself. This is not to change your perspective about love, this is a loving reminder for everyone to never forget about yourself. “Take it slow” a mantra I learned whenever I put too much love for others and forget about myself. If your going through the same situation as I am, these are my words for you. Quit searching love by searching for someone else, if your mindset is “I have someone means I m enough,” erase that thought and start building yourself first.
SLOW is “Self-love overflowing (from) within”
In order to love someone you have to love yourself first, I know it may seem hard, but I tell you it’s the most fulfilling thing I ever did for myself. In order to do that, you have to de-attached yourself from people who only cause you pain, start building friendship that you know will help you gain self-confidence and most important support. Once you do that it’s much easy to feel positive because for once you have someone to be there for you.
Visit your past hobbies and create more art, it will bring you fulfillment and it will take your mind off things that are unnecessary. Maybe try painting again or start writing, because in those simple things you will have an outlet to pour your emotions and you can dedicate yourself to that talent because it will take you back to your old passion, then you’ll start to believe in yourself again. When that love is overflowing, you can already share that and bring love to others as well. Remember to radiate selflessness and kindness to people you meet in that you will always be reminded that you are loved by yourself and through that action, you let genuine people to be with you. Like a magnet, you attract people if both of you have the same substance.
Making happy memories with yourself gives you the assurance that you have lived and loved yourself and your environment already enough to love others, you will reminisce those memories and laugh because you know that you lived a good life. Being with yourself is the best thing you could ever feel, so don’t worry if your 25 and you don’t have a boyfriend, we have a long life to live let’s not forget to be with are family and friends to experience the world.
Someday you will have a family of your own and while eating dinner, you will tell them great stories when you were young and your adventures with yourself and that will give them inspiration to love their self first and take it slow.
People often ask me why I love oceans so much, that every time I feel sad I can only think of it. I never really thought of it until that one time I felt nothing but emptiness and all I can ever think was escaping reality, luckily my family decided to visit the beach on a Saturday and I came. I always loved the ocean even when I was a kid but I never really knew why I loved the ocean so much until that day. I was sitting in the swing while my family bond with each other, I looked at them and I smiled. I wanted to roam around but lead me in front of the beach. I sat down and just stared. Me and the ocean, I sighed and thought “beautiful” and at that moment all I felt was peace as if the wind took away all the baggage I was carrying inside of me, all my mean thoughts about me suddenly were washed away by the waves, my heart and mind were at peace, I was home.
You see because of that, I wanted to be free like the ocean. free from my own thoughts that are too deep that sometimes I get eaten by my own emotions. I wanted to be free from the standards of people I can never reach and be tough like the sand that no matter how hard the waves hit her, she never surrenders. I wanted to be the ocean, and so I did. To be the ocean, I accepted that I was deep, people might be scared to discover it but there are always those people who are mesmerized by it and at the same time I was the sand, no matter how hard life is, I never quit yet just flowed with it. The ocean was home and so I became home. it doesn’t matter what I do, or where I go, or how hard the waves hit my skin, every time I walk along the shore or sit there and stare, it was the place where I discovered so much more of myself, it was the place where I most felt alive, and so people ask me why? because every time I visit it, I was my best self, I was me and I was home.
A Self-Love Letter: Learning to Embrace My Own Skin
The air. Scientists would always say it`s made up of methane, nitrogen, carbon dioxide and things I could not understand, for it is just constantly breezing, kissing, and touching me in dreams and places I dwell. Perhaps, I'm used to it. I really am, I thought. Yet, it does not feel the same as much as yesterday. - different but same skin, yours truly One year, self.
It’s been quite a long time since I last wrote out my heart to you: of things that made me feel warm and blue, of thoughts that left me in bewilderment and haze, and of you— my love, who never ceased to embrace her endeavours, and breathe, breathe along what life brings her. But, I guess beauty is not only congruent to the sun when it rises at dawn and casts hues of roseating rays, for I have come to mind that it’s also at that time, when I would not feel my skin in the verge of giving it all up. Sorry, if that’s the word. Just like an outpouring water from a cup, I was blinded by the face of your dreams that every word would be an understatement to tell you how sorry I am for burning you out and for pushing you off to your limits when you were trying to pursue things in one stone.
I should've cared about your mental health more. In the past days when I did not get to ask how you were doing and to tell you how an ethereal woman you really are when you felt rejected, I want you to know that from this day forward- I'll love you even more: your unclear skin, your messy and curly hair, your weird laugh and yes, even your oddness in an outgoing way. But, I am proud.
Even though you may have been venturing along the tendrils of life, you still keep a strong heart and believe— believe that there is always beauty in everything, like facing your fears and doing things beyond your comfort zone. It makes me genuinely happy how many parts of you have changed for the better. I love you for having the courage to make it up to yourself. Despite your downfalls and shortcomings, you believed that there's more to life than dwelling in distress alone. Always remember than you are a brave and wonderful woman, for you are created by Him for a reason, and that's something for you to be resilient. And, self.., as you chase your endeavours, I hope that you will never forget the things and values that moved you to live on, the people who came and left that embedded a mark on your identity and then, the sun and the moon for reminding you that even in darkness, light is at its zenith and it’s metaphorically telling you that you can still shine even if things seem to devoid you, for you are more than what you think during hard times. I love you, beautiful. Now and then.
5 Mystery-Thriller Novels to Read
If you’re stuck at home and out of Netflix shows to binge-watch, then you might want to try and read these mystery-thriller books to match your homemade Dalgona Coffee.
1. The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides
The debut novel, and Goodreads Choice Awards Best Mystery & Thriller of 2019, follows Alicia Berenson, a well-known painter married to an esteemed fashion photographer. Life seemed perfect for Alicia, until one evening when she shot her husband five times, and… never spoke again.
2. Lock Every Door by Riley Sager
From the author of Final Girls comes this page turning novel about an infamous building in Manhattan called the Bartholomew. After stumbling upon an ad to become an apartment sitter, Jules Larsen has set out to look after apartment 12A under strict and somewhat odd conditions. Not long after stepping foot in the building, Jules has been met with unfriendly tenants, eerie noises in the apartment unit, and an abrupt departure of a fellow sitter named Ingrid.
3. The Sun Down Motel by Simone St. James
If you loved Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho or David Lynch’s Twin Peaks, then this book is for you. After the disappearance of her Aunt Vivian while working as a night-shift clerk at the Sun Down Motel in 1982, Carly has set off to Fell NY, to work the same job at the same place as her Aunt had 35 years ago – with hopes of uncovering the truth lurking behind the Motel walls.
4. Verity by Colleen Hoover
While known for Young-Adult Novels such as Slammed and Maybe Someday, Colleen Hoover offers readers a romantic thriller about Lowen Ashleigh, a struggling author who was given the opportunity to finish the three remaining novels of a successful series after its original author, Verity Crawford, suffered an accident and has become immobile. After receiving an invite at the Crawford manor to sort through Verity’s notes, Lowen discovers an unpublished autobiography revealing the truth about Verity. With the eerie atmosphere of having Verity confined in her own home, and who is seemingly aware of her surroundings, Lowen is certain Verity is not what she appears to be.
5. Dark Matter by Blake Crouch
A mind-bending science fiction thriller from the best-selling author of Wayward Pines – Dark Matter is packed with the concept of the Multiverse and the philosophy of existentialism. The novel follows an ordinary Physics professor, Jason Dessen, who was looking forward to dinner with his family while walking the streets of Chicago. The next thing he knew, he was being held at gunpoint – by a man wearing a mask – and injected with an unknown drug and blacks out. When he regains consciousness, he learns that the world he woke up to was different from the world he knew.
Here's a poem I wrote a while back reflecting on what it's like over-rationalize a simple thing like crushing on a dude -- hence, the title "Scientific Method"
You were a phenomenon I cannot wrap my head around
When I first met you, my heart forgot to make its signature sound
And it's overwhelming, your presence;
And underwhelming, so science will be the only language I'll hide in-- For now.
At first glance, I notice your top button unbuttoned,
and your shirt fully cotton
Complete with a smile as nervous as me
And a swagger in your step only I can see
Further on, I find your wit to be at a pace
That doesn't leave any space for tension to rise
and it's all too nice
And ridiculous and a bit too suspicious
That this isn't another (well,) circus.
Now, let's take a wild guess,
Oh, but it has to be smart, yes,
That this could lead to something with potential
That this isn't another differential easily solved
With a formula, tried and tested but never evolved
For so long, we've both been independent of any dependent
Keeping our variables fixed and ourselves distracted
With anything, everything,
But not a single thing
Could stop me from pushing this blindly to find its threshold,
Hoping that it's a quantity my hands could still hold
Over hours, days, and weeks
Through minor revisions and tweaks
Then comes the analysis -- that these weren't accidents
So, now I find myself in a conundrum
With the anomaly in a blue shirt right in front of me,
That this had to be processed logically,
But the findings are as follows:
None of which were shallow, so I therefore conclude that it's true,
I therefore conclude that it's you.
Mi Luna: The Light in My Dark Soul Locked in… Alone…
Why do I feel comforted by darkness? Oh cause maybe because… I am a jolly and very enthusiast kid back then. All I know is to have fun, laugh and play. But as I grow older, everything has changed, a lot. I can feel the changes. I know the more I get older, I’m turning to something I’m not. You know what, I just realized I like it even more. And that’s how I turned a monster. A monster to my own self. Always questioning life and even God about the things that are happening with my life. “Do I deserve this?”. Every day was a struggle. “Which mask should I wear now?”. And every night is my judgement time. “Should I still continue with my miserable life?”. This certainly sum up my whole life. I have this mindset since I was young. I can say that my experiences made me like this. I always want to escape, but every time I tried to pick up myself up, there is always shits that pulls me down. And there, I get tired. Hoping that no one would ever see this. As I despise myself as well. What I can do now is to just embraced everything, I just embraced darkness- reflecting my own self.
“Look at the moon, it can shine alone and it can give us light at night.” A line I was keeping in my mind that a friend of mine helps me realize things and been there to fix my path. And there I started seeking for my moon but I do not know which part should I start. As days passed, I started to open up myself. I started to act as what truly inside me. It is very hard at first and there is this time that even the situation got worst. But as I continue exploring with my life, a question pop out on my head “Why did I still get this far?”, I can say that maybe I should do this, maybe I really can do this but it is myself who is holding me back because I’m afraid.
Now as far as I am trying to revive my soul, there I know that many people care. Yes, I learned to open up but not to all, on different situations there are people who can understand me because they have the same situation as I am. I learn to open up as long as they did not force me. I learned to navigate and open up for whom I trusted and at the same time when I am ready. The light that I am seeking is my own understanding and acceptance about myself. My light is myself and I am Mi Luna. So it is not too late to save myself. I have thought that, I should be a survivor and winner. That I should also be the ruler of my own mind and soul. Eliminate the room for darkness and let the light shine through you, that I can say how I earned myself again. Mi Luna’s darkness have turned to spotlight.
I just posted some of my own movie reviews from LSS to The Heiress para naman may pagka-movie critic ako in the midst of the pandemic… from Home! Check them out here: Pista ng Pelikulang Pilipino 3 (#PPP2019): • #LSSTheMovie: bit.ly/MyLSSReview • #ThePantiSisters: bit.ly/MyTPSReview • #ImEllenyaL: bit.ly/MyImEllenyaLReview Metro Manila Film Festival: • #TheMallTheMerrier: bit.ly/MyTMTMReview • #MissionUnstapabol: bit.ly/MyMissionUnstapabolReview • #3polTrobolHuliKaBalbon: bit.ly/My3polTrobolReview Non-film fest: • #JamesAndPatAndDave: bit.ly/MyJPDReview • #TheHeiress: bit.ly/MyTheHeiressReview Any thoughts? Don't forget to connect by commenting! Enjoy #MovieBingeAtHome! #COVIDMovieCritic