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TITLE: Good night

It was the morning of May 5; I went to the ICU to take the morning shift. I peeked from the sliding door and saw a female doctor and 3 nurses probably making their rounds. Half asleep, I entered the room not realizing what was happening. I sat in front of my grandma’s bed, waiting for the doctors to leave. My aunt was crying from the corner of the room, I thought that perhaps my grandma was deteriorating. Then the monitor on the upper left part of the bed kept beeping, then the lady in white coat announced “time of death 8:50”.

Everything froze, I didn’t understand a thing. I saw my aunt hug our grandma so tight, shaking out of grief and desperation. I sat there frozen and speechless, it was so surreal I thought it was a dream. My sister who was sitting beside me took a few heavy steps towards grandma’s bed. She hugged our grandma and whispered words lost in between her sobs.

When it was my time, I held her right hand, the hand I used to wipe and hold. It wasn’t cold, it was still warm, soft and wrinkly. The bruises from countless injections she endured. I pressed her hand trying to wake her up, more tears rolled when she wouldn’t respond. “Inang! Agriing kan a, bigaten!” (Granma wake up, it’s morning already) I wrapped my hands around her, she’s the same Inang I used to hug but this time she isn’t hugging me back. I tried to wake her up a couple more times more desperate than the last. I wanted to see those little eyes open again and look at me. I wanted her to ask me “apaya nakkong?” (why my dear?) once more. How about calling me miss Universe when she forgets my name. I loved her and will love her even if she calls me the wrong name.

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I still remember the night she held my hands so tight she said “ haan nak panpanawan a, ta nu matay nak ket haan ko nga maymaysa.” (Please don’t leave me so that if I die, I will not be alone “I hope I fulfilled my promise to her I hope she didn’t die lonely but happy. The room was enveloped with grief engraved in the cries we made but in the middle of the room, there she lies. She laid still, she looked so serene and peaceful. It looked like she was having a good nap. It was the first time in years that I saw her sleep so tight.

After all the restless nights she can finally sleep. I wiped my tears as I marvel the way she looked. It was a painful but beautiful sight. I wanted her to wake up but how could I ask that if she looked so peaceful now? After all the pain she endured she is finally resting. I couldn’t ask her to come back when I know she’s in a better place. She is free now, free from pain and suffering. I stop waking her up and held her hand tightly, in between my cries I bid goodbye. To my dearest Inang Nani, go on find the light. I know Tatang and Tito are waiting for your arrival. Rest well Inang, Good night.

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Fortress Two pillars that held my breaking walls

When I was in high school I knew for a fact that I was the trouble maker in our family. “Girls are supposed to be modest and calm” they said. I, the only daughter in a family of 6, intentionally broke that stereotype. I would go home late at night, lie to my parents and I would even put my friends first before attending family gatherings.

The reason behind those decisions were petty fights I found myself in between me and my parents. I remember seeing their way of teaching me morals and values as oppression and abuse when I was a kid. They managed to make all my brothers obey them, but no- they didn’t get their so-called-princess to comply. I somehow told myself that they were in the way of my character development so I was so eager to look for my identity outside my home. After high school, I moved to Baguio for college. The surrounding was new, the people were foreign and there was no one holding me back. It felt new to me, but in a good way. Little did I know that living alone was a nightmare. Dad wasn’t there to cook for me, Mom wasn’t there to clean the mess in my dorm and what I oddly missed most, is washing the dishes pre-cleaned by my mom.

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Days when I got sick were worse, I cried myself to sleep one time not because of how high my fever was, but because whenever any of us got sick, my mom would lay next to us while we were sleeping and whisper a prayer asking God to heal us, but that time it was just me, my tear-soaked pillow, and to make myself more emotional, a picture of my parents in between my hands. I was homesick almost everyday. So I made it a part of my routine to call my parents every single day and I would make “tampo” whenever they hang up saying “may trabaho pa ako anak”.

Come to think of it, I hate myself for saying I love you to my parents more through texts and calls than in person. In the span of my first semester in college, I realized how dependent I was on my parents without knowing it. Whenever school works got rough, no one could comfort me better than my parents. The sound of their voice was enough for me to continue fighting. It was difficult for me to adjust to college, and I broke down easily. My emotions were as beaten up as a punching bag. I was mentally and emotionally tired. Every. Single. Day. What kept me together, were these two pillars. One I call mom and the other I call dad. I can’t say moving to Baguio for college was a mistake, in fact it was a life changing decision for me. It made me realize to value my parents while I still have them.

I realized that when I turned my back on my parents, I forgot the good things they did in my life. Because of them, I have brothers who I can wrestle can with as well as those who mess with me at the same time. They brought me closer to the cross and protected me. They sacrificed so much that it makes me want to live my life to the fullest, for them. Ma, Pa, in this world full of chaos, I cannot be more happy that I found my fortress in your love.

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Title: MY WONDERWOMAN

This is a story of a clash between a super heroine and the world's most dangerous serial killer.

As a super hero there should always be a power source, and on August 28, 2000 her power source was born. That power source gave her a lot of strength like she can already do anything. She persevered, and defeated a lot of villains because as a super hero she would not let anybody steal nor destroy her energy. So she did everything to protect that power source however that source became her kryptonite.

In 2013, she undergone her checkup because she was enduring pain in her breasts a very long time ago. That time her doctor already diagnosed her with Stage 1 Cancer but she hid it and chose to endure the pain by herself because she does not want her family to worry about her condition. She did her medication by herself, she took the prescribed medicine of her doctor. A year had passed, 2014, she went again to Lorma Medical Hospital for her follow-up checkup and her inner world was wrecked hopelessly because of the doctor’s findings. Her cancer already stepped up to Stage 2 and soon enough will progress to Stage 3. She took a lot of medicines both synthetic and herbal that rumble and change her whole system in a bad way. In the hope of getting better, she decided to undergo chemotherapy.

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After her 8th chemotherapy, she saw her power supply, telling her that she should fight more and harder thus she used her super strength and continue to fight the vicious villain, breast cancer. She finished the 10 sessions of chemotherapy to kill the cancer cells but this session also killed her self-confidence due to the loss of her crowning glory. This made her cry and feel hopeless. As days passed by she saw large amount of her hair falling which eventually made her bald. That time she already realize the disease she was suffering from cannot be cured anymore and anytime of the day or the night she might die. Due to her desperate for healing she also tried different quack doctors that does not guarantee or even helped her lessen the pain.

After few months, of 10 sessions of excruciating pain because of chemotherapy, her doctor advised her to have a surgery. The aforementioned procedure aimed to cut her breasts so the cancer cells would not spread all over her body. Her sadness doubled up, for she realized that there are many things taken away from her by the illness she was enduring. Her hair, her freedom to choose what food to eat, her work, and soon one of the important part of her body that distinguish her to be a woman. The surgery went well and incline with this numerous medications are prescribed to aid her fast recovery. There are too many medicines flowing in her bloodstreams that time but the cancer cells was so strong and still manage to hang in her system. She later try another method or her last weapon against cancer, it is the radiation treatment in Villaflor Hospital at Dagupan, Pangasinan. This process aims to burn and put the life of those cancer cells in hell. She completed a lot of sessions of radiation treatment, the doctors already told her that she already defeated cancer but that news was just a big façade. The news is given to ease temporarily all of her sufferings because of the large scar made by the radiation treatment.

She still wanted to fight, she tried, she cried- a lot. Bibles are found everywhere around the corner of their house, a novena in the morning and different prayers to different saints especially to Saint Padre Pio at night. Even though she was already religious before her fight to cancer; she became more - religious, in the hope of the Almighty God will set her free from all the discomfort she was feeling, to make her better. Yes she succeeded defeating cancer but as the story of superheroes, there are full of villains doing anything to kill or eliminate the protagonist.

In September 28, 2015, her husband rushed her to the nearest hospital since she said that she cannot breathe. The next day the doctors told the family that there is no chance for her to survive Pneumonia, but still her family her number 1 fans chose to continue her fight. They even considered it as their own match and did not surrender. They, especially the power source of the heroine decided to put her in I.C.U. or Intensive Care Unit. The energy source saw how they treat her. How they put different apparatuses inside her mouth like a pig or a specimen in an experiment. It is maybe because the doctors already predicted that anytime the heroine would not be able to battle with the new enemy that just arrived. In addition, even though she was still alive with her one by one breath an agent of a funeral service -Pinnacle was already there holding a rosary, watching her while praying. September 30, 2015, around 9:30-10:30AM, she died. Yes, she defeated cancer but Pneumonia took her life.

It made a big impact on the lives of the family, the number 1 fans and supporters especially to the power source since 80% of his life was all about the heroine. She also left a 5 year old avid fan that still does not know what is happening around him, not even realizing immediately that his super heroine will fly away and will never be back again. The heroine in this story is caring, cheerful, talkative, supportive, have patience, lovable but that is not all. She is way different in a good way, because she’s just like a best friend and at the same time a mother of two.

There are people who truly loves their moms and few people who despise their moms. I believe that everyone should be thankful enough that they still have someone that knows everything about them clearly, someone who can give them advices at certain problems, and most of all someone who they can call mom. They are just lucky that they still have their moms, because I already lost mine. Every people should cherish the moments with their parents, since people have limited time in this world. Life is so short and regretting something is not advisable. So be good with them, before it is too late.

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Sana all!
Have you ever tried admitting your true feelings to a crush? Nineteen-year-old Syljan Sison just did that by curating a Spotify playlist. The thing is, she likes him but she realized she needed to stop talking to him. “I thought he still ...
Angel Aguila May 14, 2020

Life doesn’t come with warnings. This is the thing that I learned last May 8th, 2020 – the day that my mother passed away.

Before that tragic day, I still remember every conversation that I had with her as she laid on her bed. We talked about my graduation, the law school I should take into account when I finally finish my undergraduate, the color of nail polish that she wants me to put on her toenails, how she cooks our favorite food and so many more.

The days prior to her death – she looked happier, even healthier when her illness started to take a toll on her. I could see the glint in her eyes; her precious smile and hear her small yet infectious laughter. She could even recount every memory down to the smallest details of it whenever we showed her our childhood pictures. She never showed any sign that her time was coming to an end. Until we rushed her to the hospital and I was there, staying by her side and hugging her cold body.

She had cystic mass, ovarian in nature and it was hurting her so much. Due to the pandemic, we had to take precautionary measures before we were able to send her to the ER. While my father was talking to the authorities, I was inside the car with my mom. She was moaning in pain and I remember feeling so helpless and useless because I could not take her pain away. Yet, I asked her, “Kaya mo yung surgery diba, Ma?” and without hesitation, she nodded eagerly.

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My mother was the strongest woman I know. Even when she started to get severely sick, she never once cried. Even when we were inside the car and I was holding her in my arms, she did not cry. She probably knew that if she did, then all of us would fall to our knees. So, even in her last moments, she was a mother through and through – she fought but not all battles are won.

When the doctor told me the news, I didn’t know what to feel. I cried like I have never cried before. My father, who was with me when the doctor told the news, held me as I cried and told me that I had to be strong. That I did because after that, I had to set aside my grief and work on several paperwork. I couldn’t feel the exhaustion; I couldn’t even feel the heat. When we got home after we sent our mother to the funeral home to be cremated, everything felt so different. It’s so crazy how the place I have been calling “home” for the past twenty years don’t feel like one anymore. Suddenly, it feels empty. Suddenly, it feels cold and it feels lonely. Yet again, I don’t have the time to grieve my mother because there are academic works to be done. Before writing this, I even had my finals in one of my subjects.

Its hard losing someone you really love and you are really close with. It feels like you’re in a limbo, unable to do anything. Even speaking is so hard to do. Suddenly, there’s no one nagging at you for sleeping in so late. There’s no one you’re going to come home to and rant to. The nightly trips to buy my baon for school (even when I am already in college) will be a one-man job from now on. The only consolation that we have now is that we know that our mother is in a better place now. She’s not in pain anymore and she’s with our lola and uncle, finally. Thank you, Mama, kasi kahit sa huling sandali ng buhay mo lumaban ka para saamin.

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Jessica Bonifacio May 13, 2020

To the guy who ruined my eyeliner:

December 25

The final hours of December twenty-fifth drips down in form of rain. The day was fine, all fine, except today I redid my eyeliner three times. The intricate dark lines on my eyelids are weak against old memories, pictures; and most importantly, wet lashes. You cannot imagine how frustrated I was the third time I had to redo them, all because of you. It was five days before Christmas when you told me you no longer wanted to be with me. Cruel, entirely cruel; and in the first few days after that I was begging you to come back. I was a mess and rightfully so. I did lose two years. I did lose your voice in the morning. I did lose the person I love the most.

But during the first two days after our breakup, I could not bring myself to put on eyeliner, as such I had nothing to fix except an empty void in my heart. It was only after three days when I started to regain my will to do anything other than cry. I put on good music, threw on my favorite clothes, and finally drew the lines on my eyelids. The perfect black lines that said, hey, I'm taking care of myself. Hey, I deserve to feel pretty. Hey, I'm moving on. And the entire day, it felt like I was.

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December twenty-fourth started with that same, sane energy. I was going to be better for myself, I said. But that Christmas eve, I only felt dead. I slept at nine and woke up some minutes after twelve o'clock. I had missed Christmas. There were no fireworks, no chatter, no lively noche buena. There was only silence. No message from you. I could feel your absence because it weighed too heavily in the air.

You had always been my Christmas wish, every year fulfilled, until that night. I cried then, until the morning of the twenty-fifth. In the afternoon, I tried to get better. Another set of makeup, to cover up the sadness beneath. I went up to my room after, and tried to get some sleep, but I only cried. I redid my makeup. And then cried again, and again. And it was tiring having to redo my eyeliner multiple times, when it was so easily erased by the wetness of my eyes and the old, fading memories. You broke me apart on Christmas and I was obsessed with getting better. I cannot say that I won't cry again, or I won't miss you again, but I want you to know that I will get through this, one stroke of a black line at a time.

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Venise Cruz May 10, 2020

With all your love, I will be forever grateful Looking back on old pictures and scanning through our dusty photo albums once in a while never failed to bring a smile to my face. It reminds me how simple life was before when I was still a kid.

There are so many differences if I were to compare our year 2000 to the present: fashion styles, how we all looked back then, favorite places that don't really exist anymore (A&W!), the different house helpers we've had, (bad) make-up, then there are the celebrity idols my sister and I used to have. The list goes on! It's endless. But as I enumerate all these distant changes from when I was still a kid up to now, one out of all the things that remained and stayed - our mom's love and care for our family never changed.

There may have been tough times and misunderstandings but I will always feel blessed to have such a strong, caring, ultra-loving and giving mother. And I am very lucky to have you support me in doing what I love, to have you motivate me whenever I feel so down. I am thankful to have a mother who guides me when I am feeling lost, who gives advice whenever I need (and even when I don't think I need) one.

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To my dearest Mom, I know that I am not that expressive of what I feel and been such a pain sometimes. I am sorry! But please know that I meant every single word I've said. I will always choose you to be my mom in any lifetime over anyone else in the world.

I love you always,

Your daughter

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Althea Lallana May 7, 2020

Who brought me here? My family is my source of inspiration because they give me strength, support, and unfathomable love. They inspire me to do and be better, to go out in the open and show my true colors, to continuously follow my dreams, and to keep myself close to God. Since I was luckily brought up to a prayerful family, I am quite thankful and faithful to the lord for giving me such a wonderful blessing. No matter how much I struggle at some point in life, I still believe in God that is He challenging me to be stronger as well as my family who encourages me to be optimistic amidst my shortcomings.

Needless to say, without my family, I wouldn’t have become the person I am right now — driven, grateful, strong, and animated. The things I was able to do were, I made my family proud by being an outstanding student since the first grade, joined worthwhile activites in school such as writing and creating digital posters, transformed into a better version of myself, and put into reality the values that my family has taught me. Moreover, I will be able to continue making them proud since they see me happily pursuing my dreams, to graduate as my desired profession sooner or later, to learn more from the mistakes I make in the past, and to accept my fate when I grow older. With that being said, I know that my family will guide me to the right path no matter what.

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You love them, but sometimes, you just can’t stand them.
In case you stopped keeping track, it’s day 45 of the metro-wide quarantine. At this point, you’re probably getting a little weary due to the fact that the only other humans you’ve been interacting with are the members of your family. Unlike ...
Hannah Tobias Apr 27, 2020

TO: TINTIN

Days and nights have been rough these past few days with the on-going pandemic and here I am, missing things in the outside world but mostly, I miss your touch, your scent, your random kisses on my forehead, and just, everything about you. Every single day I wonder when we’re able to spend another karaoke session together, singing our go-to karaoke songs, or perhaps another spontaneous rendezvous after class, even though I want you to spend more time with your friends instead of spending time with me.

Tintin, times are extremely hard right now; the world is in a chaotic mess but in you, I see a glimmer of hope. In days that I hear your voice over the phone, see your face on the screen as we study all night long, and play silly online games with you, somehow, I feel a little bit lighter. Seeing your name light up on my phone the first thing in the morning is yet, by far, the best feeling that makes most of my days. On a normal, quarantine-free day, with nothing to do, we would go to the mall, and take little walks and small talks. Do you remember that one time we watched that one movie and you sang the theme song out of nowhere? "ganito man ako, simpleng tao, ang maipagyayabang ko lang sa 'yo (ay ang) pag-ibig ko sa 'yo na 'di magbabago" and boy, you are the epitome of that song. Remember, you would always buy me street food and as simple as that, you made me fall in love with you. There is nothing a woman would want more than a simple man with principles in his life. You need not apologize just because street food is all you can afford for me.

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Love isn’t about money because love is simply this: telling me how proud you are of me regardless how little my accomplishments are, and making sure to bond with my friends and family, especially with my brother. SHOUTOUT TO MY BROTHER (@JOSE LUIS MIGUEL TOBIAS) alam ko magagalit ka for tagging you, but i'm tagging you anyway hahhaha (sana ma-appreciate mo na pagreach out nya sayo kahit na busy ka sa plates) At the end of everything we are facing right now, I promise to make up each day we missed during this pandemic. I hope you stay safe; we will see each other soon. ???

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You don't have to keep it in just because you can't open up to your parents.
When you were a child and your sibling and/or a random child in the playground is making you cry, kanino ka magsusumbong? Our best guess would probably be one of your parents. Cue that long “mama” or “papa” cry that every kid seems ...
 
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There are other kinds of “intelligence” out there, not just the one we were taught to acknowledge since childhood.
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Think of astrology as a language that helps you feel and be seen.
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Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, some people just won't vibe with you, and that's totally fine.
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Being away from each other teaches you to cherish every moment together even more.
It’s been 12 days since the enhanced community quarantine (ECQ) started, but for many students, staying put at home began a bit earlier than that due to on-ground class suspensions. Not to be senti but, who would’ve thought that that regular weekday ...
 
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Your Moon sign is all about your most intimate feelings, fears, and desires.
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Every sign has their own admirable qualities that make them a company worth keeping.
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We all look for different things.
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Here are some things to consider when you and your friend find yourselves in this situation.
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Pinagtagpo pero 'di itinadhana.
If there is one thing that 2020 has proven correctly, it’s that modern dating is a wildly complicated process. Getting into a relationship involves more than just liking someone because so many other factors come into play. For instance, you might already be comfy ...
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Bulletin
A community page where you can share your feels and show your skills! Learn more here
Marjorie Maniquiz 15 hours ago

Hi. These are just my thoughts that I put into words during this quarantine. I also miss the beach so much so I'm attaching the photo I took during my last beach trip. Thanks and stay safe! ???? ----

Lately, it has been a roller coaster ride of emotions. You were happy and then you just found yourself feeling empty and lost the next day. Sometimes, it occurs all at once. All the aversion and the doubts, the frustration, the feeling of not feeling anything but sadness. It's all gonna drown you. And it's not gonna be easy. You're gonna question all that you're doing- if in any case, you're achieving anything or if you're succeeding with the path that you take. You wonder if you're now heading to the right direction or still lost and wandering. We all fight these kind of thoughts and struggles.

In life, you can never be happy and content at all times. All the broken pieces will remain to be broken. You're still gonna breakdown at some point; you're still gonna cry. But don't be hopeless. Even though life is throwing you with so many reasons to give up, please fight. Don't be hopeless. I'm gonna agree with you, if you'll say "it's not easy" But none of the things that are worthwhile in life is ever easy.

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I wish you well.

, Marj

Karen Mei Caro 15 hours ago

I know that right now, things are not okay. There's a deadly virus. You lost your job. You have no money and you have to pay your bills. You suddenly broke up with your boyfriend. You can't figure out what's going on. It's like you're facing blank walls and you're lost in a different world.

You are sad, confused and totally scared. But dear, you don't have to keep it all inside. You can talk about it. Telling your fears and troubles is not a bad thing. It's never wrong to be honest. It maybe frightening at first but it will make you feel better. Don't be afraid to ask for help. It took me a while to learn this. It was a complete struggle and I forced myself to believe that I was okay even if I was not.

For many years, I kept everything to myself. And it was very difficult to fight my battles alone. I even reached the point when I wanted to give up because I was already tired of all the fears, pains, rejections and disappointments. Until I have learned to accept that sometimes, things don't go our way. And it's okay to fail, to cry, to be different, to get angry, to feel negative emotions because it makes us human. Admitting that you're not okay and knowing that it's okay is your first step to healing.

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You don't have to be perfect. You have nothing to prove to anyone. Your mistakes and failures do not make you any less. And if you're going through a hard time, talk to people you trust. Remember that your feeling is valid, no matter what it is. So, don't be afraid to show your emotions. Nothing is wrong with that. That's what I did and it really helped me a lot. Think of the things that make you happy. Do them all over again. Choose to relax and appreciate everything that you have. And don't forget to pray. Life is beautiful, so, always take care of yourself.

By: Jairus Gabriel A. Cardinoza

With the world suffering by crisis and chaos today, where everyone of us seems to be caged, may be in our home, in our thoughts, with our regrets, or even with someone whom we can never have, while sulking in our house with our home works and household choirs, there are those idle moments when I stop and stare into oblivion, I can’t help but to think about those moments where we are the happiest, or we are the most sad, we have our own highlights of our life, either our downfall or shortcomings, sometimes our triumphs, but how about those moments caught in between but played as much as important episode to those we remember the most?

Sometimes you can’t help but to think about those moments in between. We think that our life is built by big moments, but little do we realized how little they play in our lives, we barely even consider the little things, that made a huge impact in our lives, maybe it wasn’t about the medal you’ve got from winning an essay contest, but the stranger who let you borrow his/her pen because you forgot yours at home, maybe it wasn’t the brand new watch that your parents gave you as a present but the person that you saved unconsciously, asking you what time is it because he/she was worried he/she might be late for the class.

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Admit it, or not, we have all took those moments for granted, those moments when everything is in between. In times like this, where a crisis is on the midst, our mind often wanders elsewhere, there will always be that moments that the silence of our room will be filled by the cacophonies of our thoughts that strangle us in the subtle ways. The only solace we could find in this misery is sometimes our memories, not the big ones but those moments we once thought idle, who would have guess that the last time you drink your favorite coffee was a month ago, or the comfort of your favorite street you passed after school, hoping you could meet the person you want to talked to accidentally, the way you rush to the favorite fast food chain after a tiring day, hoping for a cone of ice cream, our life will always be built by these moments.

There will always be something in between, that stiches two extremes into a one fine art, between love and pain, there is learning, the midnight always reminds us that yesterday is over but there is always a tomorrow waiting for us to rise, between our dreams and our failures, there is hope, the wisest person sometimes understand that life is a prism, it can blind us with all the colors and wonders of its side, but there is one source of light that made all those colors possible. Take a chance to be that light, that sees not only the parts that we hide, nor the highlights of our lives but those moments of everything in between.

TITLE: Good night

It was the morning of May 5; I went to the ICU to take the morning shift. I peeked from the sliding door and saw a female doctor and 3 nurses probably making their rounds. Half asleep, I entered the room not realizing what was happening. I sat in front of my grandma’s bed, waiting for the doctors to leave. My aunt was crying from the corner of the room, I thought that perhaps my grandma was deteriorating. Then the monitor on the upper left part of the bed kept beeping, then the lady in white coat announced “time of death 8:50”.

Everything froze, I didn’t understand a thing. I saw my aunt hug our grandma so tight, shaking out of grief and desperation. I sat there frozen and speechless, it was so surreal I thought it was a dream. My sister who was sitting beside me took a few heavy steps towards grandma’s bed. She hugged our grandma and whispered words lost in between her sobs.

When it was my time, I held her right hand, the hand I used to wipe and hold. It wasn’t cold, it was still warm, soft and wrinkly. The bruises from countless injections she endured. I pressed her hand trying to wake her up, more tears rolled when she wouldn’t respond. “Inang! Agriing kan a, bigaten!” (Granma wake up, it’s morning already) I wrapped my hands around her, she’s the same Inang I used to hug but this time she isn’t hugging me back. I tried to wake her up a couple more times more desperate than the last. I wanted to see those little eyes open again and look at me. I wanted her to ask me “apaya nakkong?” (why my dear?) once more. How about calling me miss Universe when she forgets my name. I loved her and will love her even if she calls me the wrong name.

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I still remember the night she held my hands so tight she said “ haan nak panpanawan a, ta nu matay nak ket haan ko nga maymaysa.” (Please don’t leave me so that if I die, I will not be alone “I hope I fulfilled my promise to her I hope she didn’t die lonely but happy. The room was enveloped with grief engraved in the cries we made but in the middle of the room, there she lies. She laid still, she looked so serene and peaceful. It looked like she was having a good nap. It was the first time in years that I saw her sleep so tight.

After all the restless nights she can finally sleep. I wiped my tears as I marvel the way she looked. It was a painful but beautiful sight. I wanted her to wake up but how could I ask that if she looked so peaceful now? After all the pain she endured she is finally resting. I couldn’t ask her to come back when I know she’s in a better place. She is free now, free from pain and suffering. I stop waking her up and held her hand tightly, in between my cries I bid goodbye. To my dearest Inang Nani, go on find the light. I know Tatang and Tito are waiting for your arrival. Rest well Inang, Good night.

Loneliness that Turned into Beautiful Solitude

Are you one of those many people who experienced loneliness? The moment where you do not have someone else to rely on. Have you experienced it? Going home with a lot of thoughts running in your mind but no one was there to listen. Have you ever felt bad for yourself? In realizing that you were the only one left. When every one else was leaving. When most people around you have chosen others over you. Have you experienced the pain? The pain of being alone? A lot of people are afraid to be alone for various reasons. Some people says that they are just used to something that there is always someone out there for them. Someone who is always there. Someone who is always ready to accompany them in all. Someone who is always willing to stay. Stays in your best and most especially at your worst. While others simply do not have the courage to face the world of loneliness. I, experienced the pain of loneliness but gained a lot of benefit from it.

Living alone is not a simple thing for me to do but for me to survive and acquire proper education, I have to. I have to learn to live alone. In living alone, I had face a lot of difficulties. I encountered a lot of problems that were made to be fixed by many but was able to get it fixed by myself. Yes it was hard, it is hard. It was never easy to begin with. There will be times or days that it can make you drain and cause you countless sleepless nights. Yes, it is painful. But we have to realize that in loneliness, we can also find peace in ourselves. The "YOU". The genuine "YOU".

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People are so afraid to experience loneliness. Most of us do not realize that with so much fear of being alone, we started to forget that good things come from being alone. As time pass by, I got used in solving problems by myself, I learned to live alone, I saw the "beauty of loneliness" that's how my loneliness slowly turned into beautiful solitude. As time passes by, I realized that there are a lot of good things that you can get in being alone. So, for those who are reading this, I hope you guys learn to appreciate the beauty of being alone.

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