Your Wish Is Their Command

Get what you need from the guys who can give it.
by Lio Mangubat   |  Mar 16, 2010
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Ask and ye shall receive, says the wise one—except the wise one never had to deal with your dad, did he? Sad to say, every guy in your life, whether young or old, are by turns kuripot, manhid, or an unfathomable combination of the two that has yet to be given a name by linguists. (Manhipot?) There's a way to get through to them, though—all you need is a little finesse. We give you advice on how to (and how not to) weasel... er, get the things you need from the many manly men in your life.

DAD

Your request: "Duh! Bigger allowance!"

The Wrong Way:  Don't flat-out ask for a raise. Your dad will instantly calculate the "needless" expense, veto your "underserved" request, and start pontificating about how, back in good ol' days, he used to get through school on nothing but 50 centavos and kamote peelings.

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The Right Way: Instead of asking for a one-time big-time raise, only ask for money when you need to go out. These "micro-withdrawals' won't sound like too big an expense, and he'll feel good for having treated you. The trick here is NOT to overdo it, or he'll catch on.

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BOYFRIEND

Your request: "I need you to, you know, look decent..."

The Wrong Way: No matter how much that Ryan-Atwood-wifebeater-and-jeans combination deserves it never ever tell your boyfriend how much his outfit sucks. We don't need you to tell us how lame out fashion sense is. Deep down, we know it already.

The Right Way: Break it to him gently. Get him an outfit that's a compromise between how you want him to look and how he thinks he ought to look. He'll feel better about his duds, and he'll be more willing to listen to you the next time you offer some friendly fashion tips. (Please note the operative word "friendly.")

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BROTHER

Your request: "Pahatid-sundo naman, o."

The Wrong Way: Don't ask him directly, 'cause bros are usually genetically wired to say "No" to annoying requests from their sisters. I mean, for crying out loud, can't you see the man's busy killing zombies on the PS3?

The Right Way: Take your case to the highest power in the land: your parents. Invoke your right to a secure and reliable mode of transportation through these unsafe streets, in these uncertain times. Trust us—your dad doesn't really want to ferry you to-and-fro either, so he'll be only too glad to let your older bro do it. Sorted!

EX-BF

Your Request: "Stop backbiting me, you little creep."

The Wrong Way: You always knew that lowlife would twist things around and make it look like it's your fault. The worst way to stop this bitter mudslinging, though, would be to confront him head-on and make a gigantic scene. Trust us, there's nothing he'd like better than to get into a public pissing match with you and come out the good guy.

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The Right Way: First of all, it shouldn't be important what other people think. As long as your true friends know the score, then you don't have to worry that he's trying to burn down your reputation into a pile of "bee-yotch"-flavored soot. Let your actions—and your refusal to sink to his level—speak the truth, and trust us, in situations like this, the truth always wins.

GUY FRIEND

Your Request: "I need a fake date to make my ex jealous."

The Wrong Way: This might be a little obvious, but never try this trick on a guy whom you know has a crush on you. Even just a teensy rumor of affection should disqualify him from your list of decepti-dates. You should have watched enough cheesy romantic comedies to know that set-ups like this always end up with the guy falling in love with you for real.

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The Right Way: Basically, just ask. If you've been friends with him for some time, he'll know all about the situation and will be willing to pinch-hit. He'll even throw in a bit of hand-holding and play the part with a straight face... but will totally laugh about it with you the day after.

CLASSMATE

Your request: "Could you help me with my report?"

The Wrong Way: If you're the mean girl type and you suddenly ask the class brainiac for help on a paper that's due in, like, well, tomorrow—then forget about it. What goes around comes around, girl, and it's called the revenge of the nerds. Maybe you should have thought about your class standing before you picked on him during lunch period.

The Right Way: Here's a free study tip: at the start of every school year, make sure you get to know the guys in the lunchroom nerd table. You don't have to be on friendly terms. ( And please, wala sanang plastikan.) Laugh with them, not at them, and come academic crunch time, they'll be more than ready to strut out their smarts and come to your report rescue.

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Lio Mangubat
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