Guys

You Don't Have to Stay: The 4 Things You Don't Deserve in a Relationship

Life is too short to spend it half-hearted and definitely too long to spend it constantly questioning why you're with the person you love and why you even bother at all.
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HAIR Eddie Mar Cabiltes MODEL Elena Ortega

 1  The feeling of being placed second to someone else.

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This is a feeling we probably know all too well. Don't tie your heart to someone who's strung out on someone else. On a page of Lena Dunham's Not That Kind of Girl reads, "When someone shows you how little you mean to them and you keep coming back for more, before you know it you start to mean less to yourself." Don't give yourself to someone who's clearly invested in someone else—remember that there is nothing worse than wasting your time.

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 2  The downfall of everything else in your life (grades, family, friends, etc).

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I'm not saying that you should never put your relationship first but sometimes things are taken too far and before you know it, you alienate everyone else. You start losing touch with your friends, you no longer get to spend time with your family, or maybe your academic life is falling apart. Love is meant to lift you higher, not drag you down. You don't deserve to be with someone who doesn't constantly make you want to be the best possible version of yourself. 

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 3  The burden of having to change yourself, little by little.

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For a relationship to work, you have to meet each other halfway. Once you're in a relationship, you have to take into account another person's feelings and sometimes put them before your own. However, there's a difference between making compromises and losing sight of who you are. You shouldn't have to give up the things that are important to you for someone else. You shouldn't have to change the way you laugh, the way you dress or the way you see the world. You deserve to be loved for all parts of you even if that means the bad, the ugly, and the undesirable. It's a difficult thing to look in the mirror and not recognize who's looking back. You don't deserve to be with someone who doesn't completely adore you, flaws and all. 

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 4  Going through physical and emotional abuse.

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No one deserves to go through any form of abuse—may it be through violence or through words. One thing to remember about physical abuse is that if he is capable of doing it once, he is capable of doing it again. Most girls don't recognize emotional abuse unless it hits them like a truck. Getting angry or having a bad day is not an excuse for him to treat you badly. Some words just get to you and some even stay with you for the rest of your life. Know when to ask for help because if there's one thing you don't deserve in a relationship, it's being a punching bag. 

When you fall in love with someone, you tend to see him in such a way that is without fault, without error, and without flaw. Sometimes we don't realize that our idea of the person we care about doesn't exactly match up to who they really are. We tend to sugarcoat their blemishes and imperfections because we'd like to believe that love conquers all but truth is, it doesn't always. Love cannot get rid of that gut-wrenching feeling every single time he chooses to break your heart. It is possible to fall in love with someone who is not right for us. In fact, some might say it's the human thing to do—to fall for someone who takes us for granted because we tend to shrink ourselves into someone who doesn't deserve much. Remember that the people you choose to love should commit to you or get none of you.

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Know when to walk away when it's no longer worth fighting for.
You deserve the kind of love you don't even have to think about.
You deserve the kind of love that you'll never have to second-guess.
You deserve the kind of lovethat gives you butterflies, time and time again. 

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Do you have boy troubles you want us to discuss? Send us a message in the comments or tweet us @candymagdotcom. We always love hearing from you. :)

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Julianne Suazo
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What makes me a certified Candy girl is my desire and eagerness to present myself as me, but better.
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Serene Fae Just now

"The paradoxical idea of attaining a happier life and how to withstand these beliefs."

The Revolting Truth About Happiness by Theserenefae

If people ask you about your vision of a happier life we automatically envision ourselves having more money, true love, a better job, Instagram-worthy vacations, etc. But let me break this to you this, According to Dr. Laurie Santos, Professor of Psychology at Yale University and the voice behind The Happiness Lab podcast, "Most of the goals we think would make us happy do not really make us happy." And why is that? Simple, being happy is all in our minds. The human mind ploys us with these lenses on how we envision ourselves and our lives to be happy. The perception of "having" or "gaining" is the exact opposite of what will truly make our lives better. So how can we really be "happy"?

• Seek happiness inside you. This is a quintessential reason for our vision of happiness: misconceptions about having a lot of money would make me happy; owning this and that would make me happy; entering a relationship would make me happy. This is not the case, if you want to be truly happy with your relationship, you have to be already happy on your own. If you want satisfaction from others, you have to be satisfied with yourself. And so on.

• Fill that hole righteously We all have that tiny hole inside our hearts, tampering it with temporary band-aids. Fill this hole with purpose. Have you ever heard about The Three "M's"— Master, Mission, and Mate? Define who will be your Master, is it God? If that's so, your Mission could be following his words and will. Mate would be the last for they will be the best companion to fulfill your mission. Now hear me out, it is important to do this accordingly. We often times jumble it or invert it which can lead to failures.

• Give gifts to others. The wonderful grace in giving. There’s nothing like the rush of pure joy when you get a chance to give. However, this may not be something that we're used to. But apparently, openhandedness is our soul's true shape. As Eugene Peterson put it, "Giving is what we do best. It is the air into which we were born." This doesn't necessarily mean we have to give away our stuff but we can also present love, kindness, gratefulness, etc. in our own simplest ways to anyone such as giving time, encouragement, helping hand, or even forgiveness. Try giving and you'll receive inconceivable gifts in return.

• Savor moments. Savoring deeply intensifies our positive emotions while doing something that we love the most by simply stepping outside of the experience to review and appreciate the moment. You can practice this by having a delicious meal, reading a good book, or any activity that you enjoy and love. It can also be enhanced by sharing these experiences with others, appreciating such amazing moments, or staying present the entire time.

• Choose to Love Deeper Today's society relentlessly pressures all of us to have this "perfect" lifestyle such as pursuing careers that drain you, finding value through virtual world and purchases, letting achievements become your whole identity, and yet after all that you still feel empty and failure inside. Consumption is just skin deep—a shallow perception of happiness. Deep life brings the best out of us and others. It is about nourishing what you already have, focusing on the relationships than material wealth, becoming vulnerable at times, and being self-aware.

• Understand that Sufferings and Pain are part of Human Being. Always remember that loneliness and sufferings are inevitable. That is completely how life goes. You may be happy for a moment or a month but sooner or later great tribulation will start to kick in. Combat despair with graciousness. Count all the blessings that you have (and will have in near future, claim it!) by writing it down on a piece of paper or typing on your phone. Viola! an instant boost for happiness. We all know the fact that this superficial happiness won't work, but why do I keep on wanting? I already have all this wisdom about how to be happy for ages, but why can't I apply it to my own life?

First, you have to understand that simply knowing doesn't change your behavior. Care to realize that all the tips that I have mentioned are all verbs? Because at the end of the day, it is all about how you choose to be happy and initiate actions towards success. Know, reflect, visualize, believe, and do something about it. All of these are Actions! This is the secret of all the happiest and most influential people in the world—actions. Furthermore, do know that some of these tips do not work instantly most of the time. It requires a lot of time, motivation, consistency, and effort. I do know it's easier said than done. Take each of them slowly, one step at a time.

If it wasn’t for pain, I wouldn’t be alive. It may sound contradictory, but it’s true. Pain reminds me that I can feel, along with other emotions. Pain reminds me that I can heal, just like how I did in the past. Pain reminds me that I am strong and I can do better. It reminds me that life can be bitter, and it is up to us to make it a little sweeter (or saltier, depending on what the person wants).

With this epiphany, I take pain in a positive light. It’s normal that it can break me and make me want to stay in bed all day, but having someone or something remind me that there is hope is enough. It’s normal that I cry my heart out, but it’s important to remember that there’s a calm after the storm. If it wasn’t for pain, I wouldn’t be who I am now. It has shaped me and how I look at things. It has changed the way I approach circumstances that can challenge me and my beliefs.

Pain, back then, made me cower in the dark. Pain used to be my biggest fear, and I used to do my best to avoid pain. However, I realized that avoiding pain is like avoiding life. Because of how I wanted to protect myself, I closed myself off to people and opportunities. I used to tell myself that “this will end badly”, or “this is going to hurt in the end”. I always focused on how much pain I might endure in the end that I forgot to enjoy the process.

It’s inevitable, you see? Endings, most of the time, may hurt. It’s natural for us to grow attached to someone or something, and their disappearance might bring us a lot of pain. However, one should always remember that the pain is a reminder of how close you became, how many memories you had. If it wasn’t for pain, life would be pointless. If it wasn’t for pain, we would be nothing.

19 year old pharmacy student-businesswoman from Pampanga. I, Kimberly Chaile D. Ocampo, started planning my own business back when I was 18 years old. Despite being a student, that did not stop me to work and start up something for me to earn my own money. I was also influenced by my parents who are both hands on when it comes to the marketing world. I have decided to start my own mini restaurant/fast food restaurant recently (Feb 2020) and it was named as “Hungry Hubb”. From the word itself which is “Hungry” we thought of something that would give people the biggest hint that we sell food.

Because of the sudden quarantine, every store was forced to close for our own safety that is why there was a sudden decrease on our sales. But Hungry Hubb managed to survive by focusing on online selling and social media promotion. Our best seller would be Shawarma salad which is mediterranean style. We add authentic Garlic sauce to our shawarma (Which is available in Wrap, Salad, & Rice). Every product that we sell are very affordable and delicious. Our starting price is only 50php. (Shawarma Wrap). For Shawarma Salad (70php). We also have Milktea (60php) and Rice meals such as Lechon Kawali, Chicken barbecue, and Pork Barbecue for only 120 pesos.

And of course, I wouldn’t make it up this far without the help of my family and friends who have supported be from the very start. This is an open letter and inspirational especially to students that want to earn their own money. Nothing is impossible. You just have to be determined enough to turn your plans into reality.

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