When You're Suddenly On Your Own

Breaking up is an ending and a beginning.
by Kai Palileo   |  May 8, 2010
photo by Dakila Angeles * makeup by Katherine Calderon
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When you've been attached for five years and you suddenly find yourself single, there are things that will hit you hard.

Gone are the weekends when you automatically have a date... someone picks you up, has lunch and watches a movie with you, and then takes you to a party as night falls; someone takes you home and kisses you goodnight. 

Say goodbye to those days when someone listens to your heartaches and gives you a hug to make your pain go away.

Or how about those times when you're feeling awkward, and by instinct, you reach for his hand because it boosts your confidence just knowing he's walking with you? Time to give that up as well.

Then you will also miss his family because his mom adores you, his dad raves about you at family reunions, his sister looks up to you as the big sister she never had, and his little brother dreams of having a girlfriend just like you.


You just know his family will be asking him why you haven't been spending time at their house, and you're sure he'll be lost for words...

Lastly, there are his buddies-who love you because you've been good to their buddy. You hang out with them even without your guy around, and they substitute for him when he can't be there for you.

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You know they're going to hate you for hurting their friend. Suddenly, it hits you-breaking up with him also means possibly losing friendships you've made along the way.

After five years of this "almost perfect" life, you realize you might have a mental problem because you let go of this "almost perfect" world. But who are you kidding? You know you're no longer happy. Are you going to stay in the relationship just because you've been with him all your life?


No one understands why you gave him up because they've been spectators to your terrific relationship for so long. But you know in your heart that you have these doubts bottled up inside that no one sees.

Though your relationship seemed flawless, there really is no perfect relationship.You cannot keep living up to other people's expectations-the very same people who putyour relationship on a pedestal.

You've been so used to having a guy who adored you. That's why you're scared of being finally single after such a long time. In fact, just hearing the word "single" makes you cringe. But there comes a point in your life when you've become so dependent on someone that you just know you need a paradigm shift.

Nothing can replace the feeling of having someone who loves you no matter what... and who is always ready to catch you especially when you're being such a klutz. It's the best feeling in the world. But before you can give yourself to someone, you have to know first what is out there for you. One of the factors that made me decide to leave my past is my dream of pursuing fashion marketing in New York. I have friends who planned to study abroad but later opted not to leave because they were in a relationship. I don't want to give up the opportunity to live in a different country, experience a new culture, and learn new things just because of one person. I'm young, I want to live life and go with the flow. I need to have that confidence to go on an adventure I can call my own. If not now, then when am I going to do this for myself?


You have to do something liberating. Give yourself a break, and enjoy your own company. At one point, you have to face your heartaches alone-without expecting someone to hug you. And, you also need to be known as you and not as the girl of .

At one point, you have to face the world, learn to hold your own hand, and grow up.

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Kai Palileo
Contributing Writer
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