You were conditioned to put others first, think about their welfare, and give them all of what you have. You were conditioned to sacrifice, because that's just how things are supposed to work—even if in the process, you lose important parts of who you are, the things that make you the person you are today.
So what happens when the relationship ends or when you find your heart broken and shattered on the floor? You have trouble figuring out where and how to start mending yourself. You find it difficult to get used to your own skin or to holding your own hand or to standing with just two feet. The journey to getting to know yourself and who you truly are apart from the person you once loved or the relationship you once were in becomes a series of twists, turns, and sometimes even a few dead ends—the part where you try to begin again even when every inch of your body tells you that this dark part of your life can last forever.
READ: An Open Letter to the Person Who Made Me Feel Okay Again
Taking your time to move on and let go of a love or a relationship that didn't work out isn't wrong. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Allowing yourself to wallow in your sadness for quite some time is normal. It's a process we all have to go through at least once in our lives. And truth is, sometimes or most of the time, it actually takes one excruciatingly painful heartbreak to truly learn how to value ourselves and our own happiness more.
There's this one line I've seen online which says, "You're not required to set yourself on fire to make another person warm." And isn't that something we should all live by? We were conditioned to make sacrifices as much as we can, but it's also okay if we don't and choose to do another thing instead of what we were conditioned to.
It's okay if you mind that he never asks what you think when you're out on a date or that he seems to decide how you're supposed to spend your special moments together. It's okay if you find the need to remind him where he stands in your life when he tries to choose where you should go for college or what course you should take. There's nothing wrong when you choose your alone time during weekends instead of meeting him at the mall. It's fine if you settle on meeting him in the middle, telling him what you have in mind, and disagreeing on how he wants things to work in the relationship or even in a non-relationship. It's perfectly okay to be yourself, because that's how things are supposed to work when you're with someone you love; you'll never be afraid to be who you are and become who you're supposed to be.
So don't you worry. Things are going to turn out all right. You might have lost yourself and are still in the process of finding the missing piece of your own puzzle, but everything's going to be fine. Our souls have their own way of finding us again. The "you" you've lost will find its way back to you because it will find the warmth and strength of your heart, signaling that things are somehow okay now; it can finally come home. You will find your way back because your heart and your soul made a pact to stay together whatever happens. It may take some time, but trust in it and trust in yourself that you're going to make it through this rocky road. "You" will find your way back because you are your own home.
Do you have your own story to share or something you've written that you want to share with the Candy Girls and Boys? E-mail them to us at candymagazine @gmail.com, and you just might see your work published here. :)