What It Feels Like To Have A Boyfriend For The Very First Time
Your hands sweat madly, knees buckle weakly, heart thumps loudly as you stare into the eyes of the person you call yours.
You've read enough books and watched enough movies to know that getting in a relationship isn't always easy. And when you're finally in one, you realize even more that it's far from what movie plot lines try to portray. Your love story may not be as grand as your favorite romantic YA novel, but it has its own charm.
There are days when it all feels surreal. From being NBSB, you're suddenly sitting next to someone who calls you his girlfriend. You brush it off as if it's nothing, but you can hear fireworks from a distance, only muffled by the loud beating of your heart.
It's scary to enter a relationship, especially when it's the first time. You know nothing about being somebody's girlfriend. You can barely take care of yourself, how in the world can you take care of someone else's heart? A little voice in your head tells you to take it easy, take it slow. There's no need to rush things. You need to back out before it's too late, before you go through the heartache.
But another voice tells you that it's a risk worth taking. If you like him and he likes you back, what's stopping you from getting a hold of your own happiness? Relationships are messy, confusing, and oftentimes, heartbreaking. But it can also be sweet, endearing, and magical. You deserve to experience it for yourself.
Every little thing that happens is considered a milestone. The first time you held hands, the first time you had lunch together, the first movie date or coffee date, the first stroll in the park as a couple—they're all meant to be meticulously documented in your diary or on your blog. Not a single detail should be missed, because every bit is meaningful. In a special box, you keep all the receipts from your dinner dates, all the table napkins you doodled on, the notes you secretly passed in between classes, pressed flowers, movie tickets, and every other trinket that will remind you of your special days.
Every gesture made and every word uttered are stamped into your heart and mind forever, meant to be reminisced when you're alone—and even when you're not. You find yourself smiling for no reason at all, your mind wandering into the distance as you recall the late phone call from the previous night. The simplest "I miss you" and "I'm thinking of you" are enough to send you squirming in glee.
The words play over and over in your head, not once losing its meaning, not once losing its effect to send you into giggling hysterically. Twitter's 140 characters aren't enough to express how happy you feel and how your heart's about to explode. Remembering the times he smiled at you, you can't help but sigh a little prayer because thankfully, you're finally found.
Of course, it's not always rainbows and butterflies. You tell yourself that good things don't last forever. You're scared that one simple action can turn something so beautiful into a gigantic mess, and you don't want any of that. There are days when anxiety triumphs over the giddiness. But, darling, don't let fear take over your heart.
You want everything to be perfect, but know that it won't be. You make mistakes and so does he. You blame yourself for being inexperienced in relationships, but know that it's okay to stumble and to fall.
We all go through relationships for the first time. Believe it or not, even those who've been in a number of relationships can tell you that they still make mistakes. It's part of being in a relationship. It's a lot of loving, mixed in with a little bit of fighting. It's normal, it's healthy.
You may be a girl in love, but you are human, too. That's why you have a heart that's capable of feelings, capable of love. It's okay to be angry, frustrated and annoyed with your boyfriend. You don't have the responsibility to be sweet and caring all the time. John Lloyd Cruz (hey, One More Chance) gladly reminds you that if they can't handle you at your worst, they surely don't deserve you at your best.
Having a boyfriend for the first time isn't easy. For most of us, it's when we get our hearts broken for the first time. It's when we cry almost every day and every night for a boy. It's the first time we wish we didn't love at all just to avoid the heartbreak. But when you look back at all the moments you shared, especially the little ones, you know it's all worth it. Our firsts don't always become our last, but that's not important.
What matters is that for the first time, you are loved, and more importantly, you have loved.
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