An Open Letter to the Person Who Made Me Feel Okay Again
HAIR Eddiemar Cabiltes MODELS Patrik Franksson and Akiko Abad
I used to believe that when love arrives, we'll know that it has. Not that there are signs that point you to get to that conclusion, but because it just feels right and because somehow things are enough. But I should've known that there's always that one thing, one person who'll go against the rules we've set for ourselves and prove us we're wrong to stick to them.
That's exactly what you did for me. You walked right into my life, and I didn't know that that moment would make a big difference a few months later. You made me believe in myself, that I could do it, and that I'd be fine just by standing beside me or behind me, cheering me on. You made me laugh when I was about to cry whenever I encounter a teeny tiny thing that reminded me of the life I used to know so well. You became my best friend, my partner in crime, my confidant.
We were slow, steady, and sure. The void in my heart that I used to want to fill with anything temporary slowly healed. And you made me realize that I don't really need someone, anyone to do that, because it's a fact of life that we have anything and everything we need within our reach. You made me realize that I'm capable and that I will always, always be enough. I didn't know what was happening and didn't even realize how our dynamic changed. We both didn't know, but that's what made this work, I guess.
I'll never know when or how we started, and when or how you and me became us. Not that it really matters, but whenever I look back, I end up shaking my head and asking myself, "How did I never know?" How did I never know that the one thing I've been looking for was right there beside me all along?
From that moment on, I knew that when love arrives, we sometimes don't know that it already has. Maybe because there's a line you both know you should never cross, just not yet, so you settle on being best friends first and set your feelings aside for now. Maybe because you both don't know what's really going on underneath everything. Maybe because one or both of you are scared of the past that lurks in a corner whenever you attempt to get past it. But maybe it also takes two scared persons to be brave and to make things work. And maybe not knowing is somehow okay because that gives both of you a blank page to work on when your time finally comes.
The thing is, we don't always know when love arrives. Sometimes even love doesn't know that it has already arrived or that it has finally found its home. Because sometimes, love also takes its time but the wait will always, always be worth it.
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