Guys

To the Guy Who Made Me Feel Like I Was Never Enough

I would've given you all my words but you never gave me the chance to.
ART Trixie Ison PHOTO MCA Music

I remember that late night I told you about my biggest dreams. I spilled everything I've ever yearned for, almost never stopping to think. I felt like my heart was going to burst when I introduced you, for the very first time, to the person I wanted to be—she's beautiful, and funny, and smart, she makes art every day.

I saw the reflection of my bright eyes in yours as I walked you through the places I wanted to see. In that moment, I imagined myself buying fresh flowers at a Paris back alley. I held your hand as Paris turned to New York and New York turned to London not because I'm afraid of getting lost but because I wanted to take you with me. My heart caved in in surrender, folded like origami as I admitted how scared I was to wake up thirty years from now in a bed made up of unaccomplished aspirations and regrets. I was holding my breath the whole time I was professing how much my dreams meant to me. I felt the need to whisper them so that only you could hear them. Because knowing all my dreams would mean exploring the deepest chasms of my heart and I know that some people are allergic to dust, and darkness, and solitude.

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I don't remember ever pausing for air, but I never seemed to run out of breath. My mind was racing and my head was way up above the clouds caught up in all the promise and uncertainty of what's to come. That was when I needed you to hold me close against your chest to keep me from drifting too far away from the things I'm supposed to be reaching for. That was when I needed you to drown me in the warmth of your embrace, making sure I was safe from my own thoughts. That was when I needed you to tell me that my dreams aren't pipe dreams and that you believe in them as much as I do.

I was saying all these under my breath because they're only meant for you to hear, but I guess you just weren't listening.

I remember that late night I wore myfavorite sundress. My French braid took four attempts. I'm sorry for being late for dinner. I remember how we sang along to Snow Patrol on the way home. I remember how I prayedthat you'd take the longest route possible because I didn't want to say goodbye. You never did. You also never told me I was beautiful. Not that night, never when I needed you to. I told myself one too many times that maybe you're just waiting for the right moment; biting your tongue in the middle of our conversations to keep the sweetest words from slipping right out of your mouth. I was searching your eyes the whole time looking for evidence that those words existed inside your head and that you are just waiting for me to draw it out for you. I started listening to your every breath because maybe the statement was a faint whisper I was not picking up. 

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I have pushed the mute button on all the turmoil and increased the volume in this universe for two. I still heard nothing.

You never told me the things I wanted to hear from you. But maybe I'm just not the girl that will fit your words perfectly. Maybe my accomplishments are not enough for your "I am proud of you." Or my embrace not warm enough for your "I want to stay here forever." Maybe I'm not amazing enough for your "I'm so lucky to have you" or pretty enough for your "You're so beautiful." Maybe I'm just not worthy of your "I love you" and that's perfectly fine.

Someday I will find the person whose words would feel like my own skin. I will cling to his "I'll always be here for you" because he will mean it every time. I know I would get an "I am proud of you" at the end of every day even if I only crossed out half of the things on my to-do list. He will make sure that I'll wake up to "You're so beautiful" even on days I don't feel like it at all. I may not be worthy of his "I love you" but he'd say it over and over until it's the only thing that's true.

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About the author
Alyssa Jose
Candymag.com Correspondent
A huge believer in optimism and good karma. Alyssa spends her days in pursuit of genuine and intense happiness. Her heart is an ocean of her dreams and passions, brimming with the people she loves deeply. Her immense love for good books and divine apple pies keeps her going. She adores New York, sing-alongs, hand-written letters, deep conversations, pretty flowers and cute dogs.
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Hi, my sister sent me this link :)

I would like my vlog to be featured in Candy! I believe that if my vlog gets featured in Candy, I will be able to help more aspiring med students! I made this a Youtube vlog just like three weeks ago. So far, I have been receiving messages that they find my med school videos informative! My vlog focuses on med school tips :) So far, these are my content:

Check out the Med School Interview tips I have for UPCM, St. Luke’s, UERM, and ASMPH here: https://youtu.be/lnxqhIktcIM

Check out what’s in my Med Kit for ward works here: https://youtu.be/FbiyerNMkJ4

If you haven’t watched Hospital Playlist, let us tell you why you should watch it here: https://youtu.be/mDOcM-Jd1e8

Do you have any Med School Worries? Watch this! Candy Cutie Eljohn Yee might have answered it:

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Part 1 https://youtu.be/x6M74Gyx0G4 and Part 2 https://youtu.be/-a7HyrkJS80

Wanna know more about UPCM Intarmed? Click here: https://youtu.be/XnKtPxQYIkg

Thank you! Hope we can both work together to inspire med students :)

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Leslie Lim A day ago

To the Person Who Does Not Know Any 1D Song

By: CJ Reyno

Never in my wildest dream I imagined to meet someone who does not know a single One Direction song or who does not even know, Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Liam Payne, Niall Horan, and err… Zayn Malik. How did you spend your teenagehood without listening to their songs? The disrespect to my #StyPayHorLikSon. My initial reaction, Vas Happenin’?

Since I was 12 years old, that was way back on 2012, One Direction songs have been my official life soundtrip, my go-to songs whenever I feel happy, sad, mad, excited, and etch. I can still remember how people went crazy just to attend their concert here in the Philippines. I must admit, I was one of those. LOL. The group was also dubbed as, “The Biggest Boyband in the World”. They were an era. You really left me in awe when you told me that you do not know a single One Direction song. Their songs are gold. But I was a little hopeful when a new messaged popped up on our conversation, “Hey I know one, Make You Beautiful”.

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You do not know how my world collapsed after reading your message. I would like to say that I appreciate the effort, thanks, but they do not have a song entitled, Make You Beautiful, because it is, What Makes You Beautiful. I tried to explain but you said that they are just the same. (Tip: Never fight with a Directioner when it comes to this because we will not let our guards down). No! They are not the same. How can you make this big mistake? LOL. What Makes You Beautiful is One Direction’s debut song. Almost everyone knows this, “you’re insecure, don’t know what for,” ring a bell? The music video of this surpassed 1 billion views on Youtube. On my 21 years of existence, you are the very first person who told me this “I-Thought-It-Was-A-Joke-But-You-Are-Serious” statement.

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As a persuasive fangirl, I thought to myself that I should make you appreciate their music, that you should know that it is What Makes You Beautiful, not Make You Beautiful. The group may be in hiatus but their music is and will always remain superior. You are hard-headed lad. We even when to the point where you challenged me to treat so I can make you watch their music video. Am I even surprised that I agreed to this? HAHA. I feel like an agent trying to persuade her customer to buy a property on our company. You do not know how happy I was when you sent me your video listening to What Makes You Beautiful. I felt like I successfully closed a deal with my client. Not to exaggerate but I really jumped because of happiness after watching your video. It was the first message I checked that morning. Thank you for your effort, so much appreciated. Funny how our conversation starts with your innocence on One Direction until it goes deeper and last longer. Up All Nigh conversations which turned to almost Midnight Memories. Ironic how a Directioner had developed an admiration on someone who dislikes her favorite boys? Just like One Direction’s song, Change My Mind, “Never felt like this before. Are we friends or are we more?” I guess, like Liam’s line on Love You Goodbye, “It's inevitable everything that's good comes to an end. It's impossible to know if after this we can still be friends.”

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I was happy that I made you listen to One Direction. At least I made you appreciate and made you aware that there is a song called, What Makes You Beautiful, not Make You Beautiful. I am happy that you already found your Girl Almighty. Wish me luck on finding my Summer Love. xoxo, Your Directioner friend

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