Guys

The Guy Mistakes You Can Learn From

Allow your mistakes to make you better, not bitter.
PHOTO Pandora , GIFS Tumblr

Once (or twice or thrice) in your life, you will fall for a guy and everything goes wrong in the world. These guys are those that scream trouble and heartache even before you get to be with them, but you fall for them anyway—hoping that destiny agrees to be on your side and not break your heart. But you will break your heart, and you will punish yourself for actually believing that things will be different with this guy.

Here's what you should know, Candy Girls, you should stop punishing yourself. Things happen for a lot of reasons, and one of those is because you had to learn something along the way. So dry your eyes, stand up, and heal your heart. The worst guy-related mistakes will actually make you a better person in the end, just you wait.

The Player

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Uh-oh: You fall for the player. He is known for making girls cry, for making them fall for him without following through, for leaving them hanging on every word he says. You know you're going to get your heart broken if you fall for him, but you did anyway. Now you feel miserable after he dumped you for another girl.

What you can learn from him: How to love in the truest sense of the word. You weren't sure if he really loved you when you were together, but at least you put your heart on the line and showed him how true love is supposed to be—loving someone even if they don't deserve it.

Mr. Right For Now

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Uh-oh: You decided to call it quits with Mr. Right-For-Now. You tried so hard to hold on to him because he loves you so much. He has been your comfort zone for quite some time, but you really can't see a future with him. Now he's devastated because you decided to let him go. You feel so bad because he wasn't a jerk. He was a good guy, and sometimes you wonder if you were a fool for hurting him.

What you can learn from him: The power of letting go. He might be good for you, but if you can't see him as a part of your future, then you really have to set him free. You don't have any right to take a love you can't give back. It would be unfair to him if you stayed in the relationship just because it's convenient to do so. He's a good guy and, like you, he deserves the best kind of love in the world.

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The One That Got Away

The Guy Mistakes You Can Learn From

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Uh-oh: He was the one that got away. You love him. He loves you. But things got complicated every time you tried to be together—your parents get mad at you, your grades go spiraling down, you start ditching your friends. Not being with him is a whole lot easier than struggling to make it through with him.

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What you can learn from him: What "The One" should be like. Know that the One will come without complications, drama, and trouble. He will come without asking you to give up some things and some people who are important to you. He will be an addition to the things you love about life, not a replacement.

The One You Can't Have

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Uh-oh: You can't have him, but you still love him. You've been crushing on him for quite some time now, but newsflash: he has a girlfriend. You don't want to wait for him, but deep inside you know that you are indeed waiting for him. You sometimes wish they'd break up, and then you beat yourself up later for being such a mean girl.

What you can learn from him: Timing is important. Maybe this is not the time for your love story to unfold. Let go of him. The world is so huge. There are a lot of things you should experience. Stop moping and feeling sorry for yourself just because you can't have the one guy you love. Maybe, in the future, your paths will cross again and you can be together then. But until that time comes, you should live your life because YOLO.

The Guy They Warned You About

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The Guy Mistakes You Can Learn From

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Uh-oh: You fall for a guy whom your parents warned you about. In short, the 'rents don't like him. Your mom sees you with him, and she sermons you for a good 20 minutes when you get home from school. Dad tells you to stay away from him, unless you want to be grounded for a week. You don't have a choice, so you do what the parents tell you to even if it's breaking your heart.

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What you can learn from him: The value of obedience. Your parents warn you about certain things and people because they only want the best for you. Look at it from your parents' perspective and try to understand the reasons why they won't allow you to see this guy or to see someone at the moment.

Got boy problems? Maybe we can help. Tell us about them in the comments or tweet us @candymagdotcom!

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About the author
Ayessa De La Peña
Candymag.com Assistant Section Editor
I am Candymag.com's resident fangirl and ~*feelings*~ girl. When I'm not busy researching about what to write next on the website, I sleep, read books, and re-watch episodes of Friends.
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Serene Fae A day ago

"The paradoxical idea of attaining a happier life and how to withstand these beliefs."

The Revolting Truth About Happiness by Theserenefae

If people ask you about your vision of a happier life we automatically envision ourselves having more money, true love, a better job, Instagram-worthy vacations, etc. But let me break this to you this, According to Dr. Laurie Santos, Professor of Psychology at Yale University and the voice behind The Happiness Lab podcast, "Most of the goals we think would make us happy do not really make us happy." And why is that? Simple, being happy is all in our minds. The human mind ploys us with these lenses on how we envision ourselves and our lives to be happy. The perception of "having" or "gaining" is the exact opposite of what will truly make our lives better. So how can we really be "happy"?

• Seek happiness inside you. This is a quintessential reason for our vision of happiness: misconceptions about having a lot of money would make me happy; owning this and that would make me happy; entering a relationship would make me happy. This is not the case, if you want to be truly happy with your relationship, you have to be already happy on your own. If you want satisfaction from others, you have to be satisfied with yourself. And so on.

• Fill that hole righteously We all have that tiny hole inside our hearts, tampering it with temporary band-aids. Fill this hole with purpose. Have you ever heard about The Three "M's"— Master, Mission, and Mate? Define who will be your Master, is it God? If that's so, your Mission could be following his words and will. Mate would be the last for they will be the best companion to fulfill your mission. Now hear me out, it is important to do this accordingly. We often times jumble it or invert it which can lead to failures.

• Give gifts to others. The wonderful grace in giving. There’s nothing like the rush of pure joy when you get a chance to give. However, this may not be something that we're used to. But apparently, openhandedness is our soul's true shape. As Eugene Peterson put it, "Giving is what we do best. It is the air into which we were born." This doesn't necessarily mean we have to give away our stuff but we can also present love, kindness, gratefulness, etc. in our own simplest ways to anyone such as giving time, encouragement, helping hand, or even forgiveness. Try giving and you'll receive inconceivable gifts in return.

• Savor moments. Savoring deeply intensifies our positive emotions while doing something that we love the most by simply stepping outside of the experience to review and appreciate the moment. You can practice this by having a delicious meal, reading a good book, or any activity that you enjoy and love. It can also be enhanced by sharing these experiences with others, appreciating such amazing moments, or staying present the entire time.

• Choose to Love Deeper Today's society relentlessly pressures all of us to have this "perfect" lifestyle such as pursuing careers that drain you, finding value through virtual world and purchases, letting achievements become your whole identity, and yet after all that you still feel empty and failure inside. Consumption is just skin deep—a shallow perception of happiness. Deep life brings the best out of us and others. It is about nourishing what you already have, focusing on the relationships than material wealth, becoming vulnerable at times, and being self-aware.

• Understand that Sufferings and Pain are part of Human Being. Always remember that loneliness and sufferings are inevitable. That is completely how life goes. You may be happy for a moment or a month but sooner or later great tribulation will start to kick in. Combat despair with graciousness. Count all the blessings that you have (and will have in near future, claim it!) by writing it down on a piece of paper or typing on your phone. Viola! an instant boost for happiness. We all know the fact that this superficial happiness won't work, but why do I keep on wanting? I already have all this wisdom about how to be happy for ages, but why can't I apply it to my own life?

First, you have to understand that simply knowing doesn't change your behavior. Care to realize that all the tips that I have mentioned are all verbs? Because at the end of the day, it is all about how you choose to be happy and initiate actions towards success. Know, reflect, visualize, believe, and do something about it. All of these are Actions! This is the secret of all the happiest and most influential people in the world—actions. Furthermore, do know that some of these tips do not work instantly most of the time. It requires a lot of time, motivation, consistency, and effort. I do know it's easier said than done. Take each of them slowly, one step at a time.

If it wasn’t for pain, I wouldn’t be alive. It may sound contradictory, but it’s true. Pain reminds me that I can feel, along with other emotions. Pain reminds me that I can heal, just like how I did in the past. Pain reminds me that I am strong and I can do better. It reminds me that life can be bitter, and it is up to us to make it a little sweeter (or saltier, depending on what the person wants).

With this epiphany, I take pain in a positive light. It’s normal that it can break me and make me want to stay in bed all day, but having someone or something remind me that there is hope is enough. It’s normal that I cry my heart out, but it’s important to remember that there’s a calm after the storm. If it wasn’t for pain, I wouldn’t be who I am now. It has shaped me and how I look at things. It has changed the way I approach circumstances that can challenge me and my beliefs.

Pain, back then, made me cower in the dark. Pain used to be my biggest fear, and I used to do my best to avoid pain. However, I realized that avoiding pain is like avoiding life. Because of how I wanted to protect myself, I closed myself off to people and opportunities. I used to tell myself that “this will end badly”, or “this is going to hurt in the end”. I always focused on how much pain I might endure in the end that I forgot to enjoy the process.

It’s inevitable, you see? Endings, most of the time, may hurt. It’s natural for us to grow attached to someone or something, and their disappearance might bring us a lot of pain. However, one should always remember that the pain is a reminder of how close you became, how many memories you had. If it wasn’t for pain, life would be pointless. If it wasn’t for pain, we would be nothing.

margaux marie A day ago
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