It Was Good While It Lasted
Too many times, we see love evolve, only to witness it fade. We see it begin, and we see it end. Love starts, but just like every other thing existing in our universe, love dies. I never expected us to die so soon, but I guess no one can really put a timestamp on a thing as such.
We ended before we even started.
Love has a strong power of spontaneity that manages to sweep us off our feet when we least expect it. You came into my life surprisingly. I didn't think someone like you would have such a striking effect on someone like me. But it was simple—you gave me happiness when all the world seemed to do was crumble, and that was all I could've asked for. You gave me proof that sometimes, it is not words that do the healing; rather, it is simple moments with people like you that mend a broken soul. You made everything seem better with that hysterical laugh of yours. That was all it took for me to turn my head and glance at you for a second time. That time, as much as I tried to prevent it, I fell for you.
It was quite typical—time spent together turned into time treasured. Conversations shared became conversations kept. Stories told became stories that mattered. It all seemed so perfect thinking of the signs and possibilities I was certain were there. I kept my trust and believed that the road would eventually lead someplace where we’d know for sure what we were and what we could be. But I failed to see the bigger, more realistic picture. I had reached that state where I’d become so hopeful on potential. None of what I had wanted was going to happen because none of it was there to begin with.
I continued to fall for you, like the fool I was. I paid attention to every small and minute detail that involved you. I'd always think of the time we spent together—how you'd attentively listen to everything I'd say, your presence beside me, how it felt when you'd put your arms around me, and how happy you made me feel. It was so blissful; just thinking of it now paints a smile on my face. But I guess that's always how it begins. It starts off like a fantasy, but ends as a harsh reality. I didn’t notice how quickly I was falling that when I hit the ground, it just hurt like hell. You hurt me like hell.
How painful it is to have faith in something so much, only to see it falter in the end.
I'd like to think what I felt for you exceeded that of a plain admiration, but it's that very value I put into my feelings that upset me. It’s the chance I saw with you that brought me back to my gloom. I guess that's the risk that comes when we attach ourselves to people—we look at possibilities and potentials with much optimism, building it up so high that we suffer a terrible crash once we fall. It's never our fault though. Despite the control we have, we can never prevent getting attached to someone. We can conceal it, disregard it, and even ignore it. But no matter what, there is no wall to stop it from existing.
Despite all the hurt you put me through, and all the pain I've had to deal with, it was good while it lasted. Like I said, you made me happy, and that was enough. Perhaps in another lifetime, in another setting, or in another universe, we'd be something, but where we are now, we’re nothing more than two people co-existing. We had our good moments, and those are moments that I will always look back at with gratitude. We've reached our bitter end; there is no "begin again" anymore, at least not on the same road. You've blocked any chance at seconds, and maybe that is the way it's supposed to be. Perhaps that's just the way life goes. Cliché as it is, nothing lasts forever, only change. That is natural. Maybe for a time there, you really did care, and we really could have been something. But change interfered, and fate took its course, and there's only so much, if not nothing, that people like us can do to control it.
The happiness you brought me will always be undeniable. But now that the curtains have finally drawn, here's to let you know how much I appreciated you; how much I appreciated us, even if it was just for a little while.
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Outdoors Danielle Flestado @artdkf | May 1, 2020 "I miss the outside world. The last time I went outside of our house was on my birthday. We just bought coffee across our village and went back home immediately. This painting made me feel that I'm in a field, just appreciating the beauty of God's creation. Can you imagine the green grass and pink flowers?"
When everything around you suddenly turns dark, the first thing we'd prolly do, as humans, is to find and grab anything that is closest and nearest to us. We'll hold onto them for as long as we can, trying to collect ourselves and gather courage to adjust our eyesights to the pitch black environment that's consuming us minute by minute. And then you'd hear nothing. Your sense of hearing would somehow go off after not seeing anything for quite awhile. You'll let loose. Cry. Panic. You'll be exhausted for fighting your way out. Then just when you're about to stop and give up, you're no longer afraid. There's only this deafening silence and pithole of darkness that's gonna eat you up alive. And surprisingly, you'll make a home out of it.
You'll make a home out of the darkness that when a ray of light suddenly hits you, you'll try to avoid it. You'll try to cover your eyes. You'll try to cover your ears from the voices trying to help you get out of it. You'll try to hide because your mind and body will go against your will to come out and live. Because the darkness that used to scare you, now comforts you in a way you thought has helped you survived life. And you'll try to live. Day by day. In the darkness. Not knowing where to go. Not knowing where to start. Not knowing who is with you. You will try to live until the darkness that once surrounds you is now within you. And everyday, it's gonna be a cycle of subtle torture. But let me tell you a secret. The darkness won't make you whole.
You'll be broken. And in those hair-like cracks, the light will stubbornly fight its way through until it warms you up. Until you realize to check the switch and turn it on. Until you allow other people to help you find your way back in the light. Until you realize you're ready to live in light again. There's a light at the end of this long and dreading tunnel. The only question that matters: will you let them in?
I always thought of life, like a bead where each piece makes it worth sewing together with other piece of beads to make a stronger bond and to create a beautiful result. Today, how do we bond well with different people especially this difficult time? As this day challenges us to a new normal, may we continue to bead along positively with our life.