How to Break Up with Someone You Love When It's the Right Thing to Do
Once you've found that special person in your life, it's only natural that you would do everything in your power to make things work; but sometimes, life can be cruel and things don't always pan out the way you expect them to.
Yes, there are relationships worth fighting for, but in some cases, there will come a time when you'll realize that you two are better off apart—even if you're still madly in love with each other. Ultimately, people break up for different reasons; some simply outgrow their partners or are unable to balance a career and a relationship, while there are those more unfortunate who have to deal with issues of abuse and neglect.
While moving on from a breakup is tough, taking that first step by actually breaking up first could be harder especially if you're still in love with your partner. That being said, before you make a decision, you really have to weigh the pros of cons thoroughly and think twice about whether it would benefit you and your partner in the long run.
Once you're sure it's time to call it quits, remember that it'll take a lot of courage and strength to leave someone you care for, especially if you're still in good terms. Here's how you can find the will to let go:
Whether that's mentally or emotionally, make sure you're ready for the consequences that'll follow after breaking up with him. The sleepless nights, unexpected messages, and wanting to get back together—all of these are normal, but psyching yourself up for what's to come could also help you formulate your response if he begs you to change your mind. Also, the more prepared you are, the better you'll be able to explain your reasons.
Break it to him gently but firmly.
Obviously, there's no one right way to say you want to break up, but it'll be best if you did it somewhere private and in person (for as long as your safety isn't at risk). Also, don't forget certain splitiquettes, such as picking the right time to break up. Take note that choosing the right moment can also improve your chances of getting a more "favorable" reaction from him.
Set proper boundaries.
Once you've split, it's now essential to lessen, or possibly stop communication for a while. According to psychotherapist and Harvard lecturer Holly Parker, Ph.D., wanting to stay away from your ex is totally acceptable—especially if you think that it's not healthy to still have ties with a former flame. Remember, setting boundaries is not impolite.
Of course, it helps to make this clear to him so it won't seem like you're just pushing him away after all you've been through. If the breakup is amicable, let him now that you both need the time to focus on yourselves for now.
This story originally appeared on Femalenetwork.com.
* Minor edits have been made by the Candymag.com editors.
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First. Pixie dust and paper cuts – these are the first things Wendy knew about Peter Pan. Aurora first met Prince Philip when she was sixteen. Learning how to ride a bike was also a first while I was growing up, but you are probably the first of too many. The first collection of dust and stars; maybe Luna will try to ask, who was your first? I might answer and tell her that it was you.
The first of too many stars in the sky. You are the first of too many fallen leaves during fall – and you will be the most anticipated snowflake as winter comes. A dark path that you can’t see without any light, hence, you were once the moon and there are the stars that shine so bright at night. Are we too early? Or we just really want to be ahead of time? Even in a glimpse, I would like to see the two of us connect as if we can reach the sky. There are other parts of the heavens you have never saw and other oceans you haven’t laid your feet onto – but the constellations will always wait for you. Close your eyes, love, close your eyes. Start counting backward: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Count backward until you see the twinkling lights that will guide you to the right path. To the right satellite; to the right person. A first.
There are many firsts – first love, first heartbreak, first sport you played, the first thing you do in the morning, the first thing you remember about the person in front of you. There are a lot. It’s actually up to us how we will consider something as a first. So, Primo, you are already a first of too many.
If you know me, and know me well, I am not the biggest fan of idyllic lifestyles. With a Type A personality, I act immediately upon whatever challenge that needs to be addressed. I actually enjoy keeping my mind preoccupied: doing university work in my favourite cafe then running errands around town, grocery shopping here, updating my accounts there, photocopying documents on the way down the street - all just in time before having a glass of champagne at the bar with my friends come evening.
And so, you could imagine my bewilderment when the next challenge to be faced was an extensive self-quarantine protocol. I didn’t know what to do when my greatest responsibility in this situation was to do nothing at all. My first few attempts to combat my consternation were very much rooted in distraction and imagination. My distractions involved conducting research, writing songs, calling family and friends, filming videos, and eating chocolate! My imaginations and fantasies were centred on travelling, shopping, even clubbing (which I rarely do) for when they find a cure to COVID-19. I did anything and everything that could be considered constructive in order to pass the time, mainly hoping I could just undertake the basic human necessities to survive - that is, eat and sleep the day through - until the next day comes, until the world is closer to becoming a better place, until quarantine ends, until my flight follows through, until I see my family and friends again.
Days in self-isolation and suspended flights turned to weeks and turned to months. By the third extension here in Spain where I study Fashion Business, I had to tell myself this shall be my new normal now, that I was blessed to be healthy, that I was tired of merely existing and missed what it was like to actually live - even if just within four walls. Little by little, I began to find significance in the simple occurrences of the day: the soft glare of the rising sun beaming golden streaks through my bedroom window upon waking up, the fragrance of freshly washed bed sheets that I had painstakingly hung to fit a relatively small clothes rack without crumpling them, the crunch and tanginess of warm toasted bread topped with raspberry marmalade, the buzzing sound of a phone call from home just waiting to be answered, to the caress of a fuzzy sweater to keep warm at night. I realised, “What pleasures to be enjoyed in the pause of slow living!” Through this continued pause, which I loathed at first, I began to appreciate each moment of the day rather than wish it would pass more swiftly, moments I had overlooked so often before the lockdown. I started to find that the challenge of self-isolation was never to pause both the regular routines of life as well as the positive emotions that came with these - as initially, I thought it meant to pause all happiness, so as to withstand a time of endurance in hopes for a better tomorrow, much like a form of delaying gratification. Life is just too fragile these days to delay gratification any further.
Life has paused, but it has not stopped. Believe that like any punctuation mark in a sentence, the pause will provide the right timing of things to take place. Till then, let us not waste our time waiting. Instead, we could be in the moment, seek substance in simplicity (that is, in what we already have), And enjoy the pleasure in pause. “Practice the Pause. When in doubt, pause. When angry, pause. When tired, pause. When stressed, pause. And when you pause, pray.”