After a breakup (or a devastating heartbreak), the first thing we do is usually find fault in ourselves. We wonder where it went wrong and what mistakes we committed that cost us the person we love. One of our Candy Girls messaged us about this dilemma, too, and we're sharing it here to help all of you who are in the same boat as her.
I love all your informative and helpful articles, especially those that help boost a girl's confidence. But now, I'm having trouble with my own confidence because of this guy that broke my heart. Now, I always find myself asking why he did that. Am I lacking something? Was I not enough? Am I ugly?
I just want to move on and show him that he made a mistake. But I'm still stuck at feeling lonely and rejected. I need help boosting my self-confidence again. I wish I can do something for myself.
First of all, it's normal to feel the way you do. After all, misery—the part where you start thinking everything is your fault—is one of the stages a person goes through after a breakup. Sure, you may have done things that have hurt your ex-babe. But here's a reminder: when something goes wrong in a relationship, it's never just one person's fault; you both made a mistake. That's why it's a relationship because it involves two people.
Now, after you've come to terms with that fact, we encourage you to forgive him and—most importantly—forgive yourself for all your mistakes and shortcomings. BTW, your mistakes DO NOT include how you look and if he says they are, he's not worth your love. For sure, you're still haunted by all the things you did and all the things you failed to do, but it's finished, girl. It's time to forgive yourself for those things and continue moving on.
You have given your all. You have done your best when you were still together. But sometimes, our efforts just aren't enough. There are things that are meant to happen and there are those that aren't. For now, no matter how much you want to get him back, you two aren't meant to be together...and that's not a bad thing.
Spend a week or two to cry over what has happened and what you lost. But you can't do that forever, hon. Take this time to focus on yourself and learn more about yourself, instead—never mind that it's such a cliché to do so. This time of being single is the perfect time for you to live the life you want to live. You're still young and you owe it to yourself to enjoy your youth by experiencing what the world has to offer. As you go along, you'll discover that there's more to yourself than this painful part of your life. Besides, it's just one part of your life; this doesn't define your entire life.
Go out, enjoy, and just continue living. There will be moments when you'll feel lonely or rejected or heartbroken again. But who said you have to stop living? Your thoughts and emotions will betray you sometimes. And if the voices inside your head are getting so exhausting, take a break. Then get up, get back on track. It's a process and it's not easy. But in time, things will get easier and your head and heart will get used to your new routine. ♥
And if the voices inside your head are getting so exhausting, take a break. Then get up, get back on track.
Need more help? Maybe these articles will help:
Got guy problems you want us to help you with? Tweet us @candymagdotcom or send us a message via Facebook. We will try our very best to help. :)