Guy Talk Decoded

  |  Dec 29, 2007
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You're signing up volunteers to help collect clothing for home less Lahar victims. Your latest crush, Justin, stops at the table and
pulls off his ratty sweatshirt, hands it to you and jokes. "This looks likes it's been through a hurricane already."
offers to do anything he can to help the cause.
adds his name to the list—for the exact date and time you did—then remarks, "What a coincindence! We're going to be working in the donation booth together."
Ian, the guy with chiseled cheekbones, turns up with his guy friends for the bargain premiere of The Beach when he sees you sitting with your girlfriend in the fourth row, he
heads for his favorite balcony seat like always.
blocks your view of Leo di Caprio (accidentally on purpose) as he takes his seat, the acts stunned to see you.
makes a quick move for the seat right behind you.
Your crush is in the heat of a too-close-to-call varsity basketball game. He knows you and your friends are there, watching from the stands. His game plan is to
resume play as focused as ever: after all he's hoping to turn pro next year.
run, but he completely forgets that dribbling at the same time he's sort of a rule.
shoot the ball, even though he is halfway across the court and should be passing to one of his teammates.
When a certain Candy reader (that would be you) brought a certain guy this quiz and suggested it might be fun for him to take it, he admits his first thought was
This should be good for a laugh.
where are my Altoids?
I owe you one, God.
It's lunchtime and you're sitting with your girlfriends in the cafeteria, there is an open seat next to you, and Gabby, the guy you've been eyeing:
ask if anybody feels like enjoying their mystery meat burgers alfresco, on the bleachers outside.
pretends to be busy looking around for a better seat, then plunks his tray down next to you and sighs.
makes a beeline for the chair and when you look over at him with mild surprise, offers you some of his cheese fries.
After an amazing Freestyle concert, your crush's inner nice guy offers rides home to half a dozen people, including six of your girlfriends. He
pulls up to your house whenever it comes up in the route—no sooner, no later.
drops you off first, saying he wouldn't want you to get into trouble for breaking curfew.
makes a totally transparent excuse as to why he has to drop you off last, even though you live just two blocks from the coliseum.
It's 3:15 on a Friday afternoon, with nothing standing between him and you on a weekend. The minute he slams his locker shut, you approach yours, just a few feet away. When you notice him staring, he
says "hey" as he saunters past.
smiles and asks what you thought of Ms. Romero's muy dificil Spanish test (you're in the same class)
becomes flustered and starts fiddling with his lock (you can tell he's totally blanked on the combination).
Mr. Big and his main men are hanging at the mall, doing their part to boost the national economy. Suddenly, he sees you across the atrium, neatly folding tees at your part-time gig. He comes over to the store and
nods in recognition as he pitches his empty cup into a nearby garbage can.
asks if you need any help finding your size, then realizes that, oops, since you work there, that was kind of your line.
compliments you on your impressive sales technique after you talk him into buying a lime-green vest.
Toby, the yearbook shutterbug, insists that he can't possibly fit the whole honor roll roster in one photo unless everyone scrunches together. Your love object
offers to stand in the back row, where there's more room.
inches in your direction, then blushes deeply as A-plus students on all sides squish you and him together like sardines in a can.
cracks, "You heard the man," while putting his arm around you.
You spot your crush walking down the hallway and casually mention you're hosting a singles party. When you toss an invite his way, he says:
"Thanks. Let me get back to you."
"You don't have a boyfriend? That's awesome! I mean, not in a good way. Um, never mind."
"I'd love to come. But if I did, wouldn't your friends be ticked that you have a date and they don't?"
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