Guys

Help—How Do I Tell My Friends I'm Back With My Ex?

If it's something you've meticulously mulled over and thought long and hard about, then you're not marupok because of it.
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So, you and your ex reconnected and you plan to get back together with them. Hey, it happens, and if it’s something you’ve meticulously mulled over and thought long and hard about, then you’re not marupok because of it. Getting back together with an ex is uncharted territory for many and would naturally feel daunting, but it doesn’t seem quite as scary as finding out how your barkada would react to the news. Nonetheless, they’ll know about it eventually, so you might as well get it done with ASAP. Here are some things to note before spilling your relationship tea to friends.

Before telling your friends, ask yourself if this is a decision you won’t regret.

If your barkada absolutely hates your ex, there must be a sound reason behind it. For starters, take into consideration why you two broke up: Were they abusive in the relationship? Was it because they were never supportive of you?

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If there’s a possibility that your ex hasn’t really learned from their mistakes, maybe you should reconsider your decision altogether. If your breakup was just a case of wrong timing, then perhaps a second chance to make things work wouldn’t hurt.

It’s best to break the news during a face-to-face convo.

The digital era allows us the privilege of communicating with one another from literally anywhere in the world. That said, this is the kind of news that’s best said in person instead of through text or DM, especially if you’re anticipating negative reactions from friends. Face-to-face conversations give you fewer chances for misinterpretation, and as much as possible, you’d want the people closest to you to understand your choice.

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Be realistic with your reason so your friends won’t have a hard time accepting it.

You might be telling the truth when you confess to your friends that, “Wala e, mahal ko pa siya,” but there’s a high chance that they might not see this as enough of a reason to take your ex back. And while it’s true that you’re not obligated to explain yourself, your friends—who have lent a shoulder to cry on every time your ex broke your heart—at least deserve to be reassured that you’re not just setting yourself up to get hurt again. 

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Do you feel that you and your ex have both grown as individuals after spending some time apart and are now ready to give each other a second chance? In that case, maybe telling your friends this might help them get a better grasp of your situation instead.

Expect negative reactions from your friends and be ready to take the brunt.

Your circle of friends might not initially see this as something to celebrate, so prepare your heart for their sad or angry reax. 

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Regardless of how your friends respond to your relationship update, however, the final verdict is yours to make, so calmly and rationally get that point across as much as possible to avoid unnecessary tampuhan among you and your barkada. You might be rekindling an old relationship, but you also wouldn’t want to cut ties with other people in the process.

Your friends will always have a say in the matter, but this is ultimately your decision and your responsibility.

Your barkada—being the brutally vocal but loving bunch that they are—will surely have strong opinions about your relationship because they ultimately just want what’s best for you. That doesn’t mean, however, that what they say is what you should do. You’re the one involved in the relationship, so getting back with your ex is ultimately your decision. Just keep in mind that every choice comes with a sense of accountability, and getting the occasional third-party relationship advice from people who care about you wouldn’t hurt.

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Mylene Mendoza
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PRIMO.

First. Pixie dust and paper cuts – these are the first things Wendy knew about Peter Pan. Aurora first met Prince Philip when she was sixteen. Learning how to ride a bike was also a first while I was growing up, but you are probably the first of too many. The first collection of dust and stars; maybe Luna will try to ask, who was your first? I might answer and tell her that it was you.

The first of too many stars in the sky. You are the first of too many fallen leaves during fall – and you will be the most anticipated snowflake as winter comes. A dark path that you can’t see without any light, hence, you were once the moon and there are the stars that shine so bright at night. Are we too early? Or we just really want to be ahead of time? Even in a glimpse, I would like to see the two of us connect as if we can reach the sky. There are other parts of the heavens you have never saw and other oceans you haven’t laid your feet onto – but the constellations will always wait for you. Close your eyes, love, close your eyes. Start counting backward: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Count backward until you see the twinkling lights that will guide you to the right path. To the right satellite; to the right person. A first.

There are many firsts – first love, first heartbreak, first sport you played, the first thing you do in the morning, the first thing you remember about the person in front of you. There are a lot. It’s actually up to us how we will consider something as a first. So, Primo, you are already a first of too many.

Bea Alamis 8 hours ago

If you know me, and know me well, I am not the biggest fan of idyllic lifestyles. With a Type A personality, I act immediately upon whatever challenge that needs to be addressed. I actually enjoy keeping my mind preoccupied: doing university work in my favourite cafe then running errands around town, grocery shopping here, updating my accounts there, photocopying documents on the way down the street - all just in time before having a glass of champagne at the bar with my friends come evening.

And so, you could imagine my bewilderment when the next challenge to be faced was an extensive self-quarantine protocol. I didn’t know what to do when my greatest responsibility in this situation was to do nothing at all. My first few attempts to combat my consternation were very much rooted in distraction and imagination. My distractions involved conducting research, writing songs, calling family and friends, filming videos, and eating chocolate! My imaginations and fantasies were centred on travelling, shopping, even clubbing (which I rarely do) for when they find a cure to COVID-19. I did anything and everything that could be considered constructive in order to pass the time, mainly hoping I could just undertake the basic human necessities to survive - that is, eat and sleep the day through - until the next day comes, until the world is closer to becoming a better place, until quarantine ends, until my flight follows through, until I see my family and friends again.

Days in self-isolation and suspended flights turned to weeks and turned to months. By the third extension here in Spain where I study Fashion Business, I had to tell myself this shall be my new normal now, that I was blessed to be healthy, that I was tired of merely existing and missed what it was like to actually live - even if just within four walls. Little by little, I began to find significance in the simple occurrences of the day: the soft glare of the rising sun beaming golden streaks through my bedroom window upon waking up, the fragrance of freshly washed bed sheets that I had painstakingly hung to fit a relatively small clothes rack without crumpling them, the crunch and tanginess of warm toasted bread topped with raspberry marmalade, the buzzing sound of a phone call from home just waiting to be answered, to the caress of a fuzzy sweater to keep warm at night. I realised, “What pleasures to be enjoyed in the pause of slow living!” Through this continued pause, which I loathed at first, I began to appreciate each moment of the day rather than wish it would pass more swiftly, moments I had overlooked so often before the lockdown. I started to find that the challenge of self-isolation was never to pause both the regular routines of life as well as the positive emotions that came with these - as initially, I thought it meant to pause all happiness, so as to withstand a time of endurance in hopes for a better tomorrow, much like a form of delaying gratification. Life is just too fragile these days to delay gratification any further.

Life has paused, but it has not stopped. Believe that like any punctuation mark in a sentence, the pause will provide the right timing of things to take place. Till then, let us not waste our time waiting. Instead, we could be in the moment, seek substance in simplicity (that is, in what we already have), And enjoy the pleasure in pause. “Practice the Pause. When in doubt, pause. When angry, pause. When tired, pause. When stressed, pause. And when you pause, pray.”

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