Ask a Guy: How Do You Unlove a Person?
Candy Girl Mykee Porcalla Sumayod sent us a question via Facebook comment: "How do I unlove a person? You see it's like 3 months ago after our breakup and I'm still not over it. And it hurts like hell whenever I see him with his new girl."
We totally get how you feel Candy Girls. For this week's Ask a Guy, we asked some help from Candy Cutie Mathew Custodio. Hear him out below and take down notes!
Thank you for sending in your message. I'm really sorry for what you're going through, it must be tough, especially at your age. I know exactly what you're feeling, and I've been there too. But I'll give you simple and wicked advice that will 100% help you go through your breakup.
Breakups are actually, usually, the reason why people turn out to be the better person that they were meant to be or even sometimes, the worst person they could possibly be. It is not easy at all to unlove a person, and it does not just happen over a couple of nights, not even weeks or months or even years! But it really all depends on what kind of relationship you two had.
If you both felt and thought that you're the one for each other, then there could never really be an end to it, or if you guys didn't feel that way then there's no problem at all. I know it's said often, but, if two people are meant to be together, they will be. No matter what path they are both led to, in the end, they will find each other again.
From what I have learned in my past relationship (which has been two years since my ex and I broke up), you can never really not love the person anymore. Relationships are precious. Think of it like two human bodies touching each other's souls, having an eternal bond connecting them. And even if you find yourself in love with a new person in the future, the bond will always stay and never break. You can never undo it and the bond you guys built will always be there even when you break up. But if you broke up because the relationship has become toxic for one or both of you, think of it as a lesson, a plan God put you through so you learn from it and be better for the person you will end up marrying and have cute babies with. I think about it like that, it helps a lot.
You can never really not love the person anymore.
I actually still do think about my ex. Sometimes when I see places we've been to together, restaurants we've conquered, Facebook posts about the movies we've watched together, I remember her. But the point is, the memories will always be there even if it ended and you guys stayed friends or not. It is really more of learning how to live without them, moving on with your life, moving forward, and never looking back. Yes, seeing your ex with another person will definitely hurt but with what it seems to me, I'm completely sure he's only seeing her to forget about you, my dear.
Just stay and be the strong girl that you are, and do the right thing and spend your time growing for yourself, grow as a person and take time to do things for yourself. There are other boys who'll come your way, but just know that the right person to fall in love with is someone you can completely be yourself with. Take everything step by step, day by day, and everything will be as how it should be.
Also, it is time to let go of the nightly stalking on his Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Friendster, MySpace, Gmail, Yahoo, Hotmail, Tumblr, Rocket Mail, MSN, Snapchat, and all the other social accounts that he may have just to see what's happening in his life. It only makes it worse, believe me. Been there done that. It just gets you super sad and puts you in a bad mood, because the thought of him having a happy life without you will make you want to hurt him. Distract yourself from literally everything 24/7!
Lastly, it has only been three months and there's someone new? You deserve to forget about this boy! How long have they been together? Don't they know the three-month rule? You deserve the best and I believe you will get through this, my dear!
Got guy problems you want our Candy Cuties to help you with? Let us know in the comments. We always love hearing from you. :)
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"The paradoxical idea of attaining a happier life and how to withstand these beliefs."
The Revolting Truth About Happiness by Theserenefae
If people ask you about your vision of a happier life we automatically envision ourselves having more money, true love, a better job, Instagram-worthy vacations, etc. But let me break this to you this, According to Dr. Laurie Santos, Professor of Psychology at Yale University and the voice behind The Happiness Lab podcast, "Most of the goals we think would make us happy do not really make us happy." And why is that? Simple, being happy is all in our minds. The human mind ploys us with these lenses on how we envision ourselves and our lives to be happy. The perception of "having" or "gaining" is the exact opposite of what will truly make our lives better. So how can we really be "happy"?
• Seek happiness inside you. This is a quintessential reason for our vision of happiness: misconceptions about having a lot of money would make me happy; owning this and that would make me happy; entering a relationship would make me happy. This is not the case, if you want to be truly happy with your relationship, you have to be already happy on your own. If you want satisfaction from others, you have to be satisfied with yourself. And so on.
• Fill that hole righteously We all have that tiny hole inside our hearts, tampering it with temporary band-aids. Fill this hole with purpose. Have you ever heard about The Three "M's"— Master, Mission, and Mate? Define who will be your Master, is it God? If that's so, your Mission could be following his words and will. Mate would be the last for they will be the best companion to fulfill your mission. Now hear me out, it is important to do this accordingly. We often times jumble it or invert it which can lead to failures.
• Give gifts to others. The wonderful grace in giving. There’s nothing like the rush of pure joy when you get a chance to give. However, this may not be something that we're used to. But apparently, openhandedness is our soul's true shape. As Eugene Peterson put it, "Giving is what we do best. It is the air into which we were born." This doesn't necessarily mean we have to give away our stuff but we can also present love, kindness, gratefulness, etc. in our own simplest ways to anyone such as giving time, encouragement, helping hand, or even forgiveness. Try giving and you'll receive inconceivable gifts in return.
• Savor moments. Savoring deeply intensifies our positive emotions while doing something that we love the most by simply stepping outside of the experience to review and appreciate the moment. You can practice this by having a delicious meal, reading a good book, or any activity that you enjoy and love. It can also be enhanced by sharing these experiences with others, appreciating such amazing moments, or staying present the entire time.
• Choose to Love Deeper Today's society relentlessly pressures all of us to have this "perfect" lifestyle such as pursuing careers that drain you, finding value through virtual world and purchases, letting achievements become your whole identity, and yet after all that you still feel empty and failure inside. Consumption is just skin deep—a shallow perception of happiness. Deep life brings the best out of us and others. It is about nourishing what you already have, focusing on the relationships than material wealth, becoming vulnerable at times, and being self-aware.
• Understand that Sufferings and Pain are part of Human Being. Always remember that loneliness and sufferings are inevitable. That is completely how life goes. You may be happy for a moment or a month but sooner or later great tribulation will start to kick in. Combat despair with graciousness. Count all the blessings that you have (and will have in near future, claim it!) by writing it down on a piece of paper or typing on your phone. Viola! an instant boost for happiness. We all know the fact that this superficial happiness won't work, but why do I keep on wanting? I already have all this wisdom about how to be happy for ages, but why can't I apply it to my own life?
First, you have to understand that simply knowing doesn't change your behavior. Care to realize that all the tips that I have mentioned are all verbs? Because at the end of the day, it is all about how you choose to be happy and initiate actions towards success. Know, reflect, visualize, believe, and do something about it. All of these are Actions! This is the secret of all the happiest and most influential people in the world—actions. Furthermore, do know that some of these tips do not work instantly most of the time. It requires a lot of time, motivation, consistency, and effort. I do know it's easier said than done. Take each of them slowly, one step at a time.
If it wasn’t for pain, I wouldn’t be alive. It may sound contradictory, but it’s true. Pain reminds me that I can feel, along with other emotions. Pain reminds me that I can heal, just like how I did in the past. Pain reminds me that I am strong and I can do better. It reminds me that life can be bitter, and it is up to us to make it a little sweeter (or saltier, depending on what the person wants).
With this epiphany, I take pain in a positive light. It’s normal that it can break me and make me want to stay in bed all day, but having someone or something remind me that there is hope is enough. It’s normal that I cry my heart out, but it’s important to remember that there’s a calm after the storm. If it wasn’t for pain, I wouldn’t be who I am now. It has shaped me and how I look at things. It has changed the way I approach circumstances that can challenge me and my beliefs.
Pain, back then, made me cower in the dark. Pain used to be my biggest fear, and I used to do my best to avoid pain. However, I realized that avoiding pain is like avoiding life. Because of how I wanted to protect myself, I closed myself off to people and opportunities. I used to tell myself that “this will end badly”, or “this is going to hurt in the end”. I always focused on how much pain I might endure in the end that I forgot to enjoy the process.
It’s inevitable, you see? Endings, most of the time, may hurt. It’s natural for us to grow attached to someone or something, and their disappearance might bring us a lot of pain. However, one should always remember that the pain is a reminder of how close you became, how many memories you had. If it wasn’t for pain, life would be pointless. If it wasn’t for pain, we would be nothing.
Cancelled vacations, parties, events, meetings and appointments might be the ingredients of someone’s anxiousness. I just recently published a blog titled ‘Ways to Lessen Anxiety During Quarantine’ I hope it could everyone to lessen their worries in these trying times. Here is the link: https://photographsbycess.wordpress.com/2020/07/05/ways-to-lessen-anxiety-during-quarantine/
After months of being on a strict lockdown, we are now finally under GCQ (General Community Quarantine)! At this time, establishments are reopening, offices are resuming, and suspension of public transportations have been lifted.
But of course, we still need to follow protocols for everyone's safety because Ms. Rona (COVID-19) is still around the country. Practicing social distancing, using alcohol everywhere you go, and wearing your face mask are always a must! Numerous studies proved that wearing face masks is compulsory as we shift to the new normal because it serves as our shield against the virus.
From that, fashion designers and online shops started selling stylish masks using high-quality fabrics (which is effective to use in filtration) with prints and attractive colors which I really do love bc I've always been a fan of dressing up. This is perfect for all the girls like me, they can just mix and match their outfits with their stylish and protective face mask!
ps. always wear your face masks!! be fashionably safe xx
19 year old pharmacy student-businesswoman from Pampanga. I, Kimberly Chaile D. Ocampo, started planning my own business back when I was 18 years old. Despite being a student, that did not stop me to work and start up something for me to earn my own money. I was also influenced by my parents who are both hands on when it comes to the marketing world. I have decided to start my own mini restaurant/fast food restaurant recently (Feb 2020) and it was named as “Hungry Hubb”. From the word itself which is “Hungry” we thought of something that would give people the biggest hint that we sell food.
Because of the sudden quarantine, every store was forced to close for our own safety that is why there was a sudden decrease on our sales. But Hungry Hubb managed to survive by focusing on online selling and social media promotion. Our best seller would be Shawarma salad which is mediterranean style. We add authentic Garlic sauce to our shawarma (Which is available in Wrap, Salad, & Rice). Every product that we sell are very affordable and delicious. Our starting price is only 50php. (Shawarma Wrap). For Shawarma Salad (70php). We also have Milktea (60php) and Rice meals such as Lechon Kawali, Chicken barbecue, and Pork Barbecue for only 120 pesos.
And of course, I wouldn’t make it up this far without the help of my family and friends who have supported be from the very start. This is an open letter and inspirational especially to students that want to earn their own money. Nothing is impossible. You just have to be determined enough to turn your plans into reality.