Guys
Are Guys and Girls on the Same Plane?
Surprisingly, we can be. Guys happen to have equivalents for most girl activities. Just no makeovers, please!

It’s been said that guys and girls are about as different as the birds and the bees. But there has to be some common ground somewhere, right? Let’s draw the fine line between girl gimmicks and guy gigs!

Pimp My Ride

If it’s a Saturday night and there’s a big party somewhere, you can bet girls will be spending at least an hour getting ready. Guys will take just as long to prepare, but they’ll only spend a maximum of 30 minutes cleaning up; the rest of their time is spent on their cars. Since it’s a big social event and a lot of important people are going to be there, girls want to look their best. They have to present themselves in a way that leaves no opening for criticism, yet expresses a style that is distinctly theirs and sets them apart from all of the other girls at the party.

The same goes for guys, or, more specifically, their wheels. Every detail counts: for girls, it’s the right pair of earrings or a funky new bracelet; for the guys’ cars, it’s the right assortment of sounds in the CD changer or sleek shiny rims. Nobody wants to show up in a car that looks like it was in a demolition derby or at the very least, deserves to be in one. The rides have to be newly waxed, the side mirrors polished enough to see your own reflection in them, the interiors clean… or at least cleaner than they would be on a weekday.

The thing you have to understand is we treat our cars as extensions of ourselves, a large, expensive accessory that lets us express our personality. So you can talk smack about our dirty sneakers, torn-up shirts and scruffy jeans; just leave our cars out of it.

Television 101

There are a couple of things most guys and girls can’t live without: cell phones, the Internet, or their parents’ credit card. And then of course, there’s the television. We all make it a point to camp out in front of the TV to catch our favorite shows; the only difference between guys and girls is what channel they’re watching.

Girls usually prefer watching before-and-after transformations unfold, care of makeover shows such as America’s Next Top Model or Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. If they’re in the mood for action and adventure there are always the endless adventures of Sarah Walker on Chuck, or the non-stop thrills and excitement that The Amazing Race (TAR) brings. While guys will occasionally tune in to see Yvonne Strahovski or ask which team was eliminated in the last episode of TAR, we’ve got our own programs to catch.

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We can’t live without the grace and flair that NBA superstars bring to our screens or the drama from the latest Celtics-Lakers match-up. We’ve pictured ourselves on Fear Factor and figure that we can perform at least half of the stunts they’ve done on the show. And come Wednesday and Friday nights, all guys sit at the edge of their seats, biting their nails, wondering what will happen next on what has been dubbed as the “soap opera for males”… that’s right, professional wrestling. I know that’s what I do, and I’m definitely not the only one.

Catching Up On Beauty Sleep

After a particularly stressful week, girls will usually head to the parlor to pamper themselves and, at the same time, get them ready for the weekend’s activities. Once there, they’ll go the whole nine yards: hot oil, manicure, pedicure, facial… you name it, they’ll take it. If it’s been a really rough ride, then a trip to the spa isn’t out of the question, either; nothing loosens up the muscles and gets rid of tension like a good massage.

Males, on the other hand, have a simpler and far less costly alternative to recharging our batteries; it’s called sleeping in or, as we like to call it, hibernating on the couch. If guys have had an exhausting week, the last thing we want to do is tire ourselves out even more by going out over the weekend. Instead, we’ll grab a couple of pillows, put the blinds down, settle into a
comfortable position on the couch and then wait for the television waves to work their magic and lull us to sleep.

A few hours later we’ll wake up, yawn as we make our way to the bathroom, scratch our stomach on our way back to the couch, and go back to sleep. It might not sound like much and it doesn’t involve any massages, but take my word for it; it’s just as relaxing. I’d recommend it to any girl out there. And don’t worry; your eyes adjust back to life with sunlight… eventually.

Heartbreak Hotel

Breakups are never pleasant; they rarely end on good terms, often get messy, and are always painful, regardless of what gender you are. Guys and girls will deal with a breakup similarly; they’ll get together with a handful of close friends, tearfully recount how it happened, and drown their sorrows in comfort food that they wouldn’t normally indulge in.

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The difference is that while girls will meet up at somebody’s house for a feel-good movie and some feel-good-now-feel-bad-later ice cream, guys will meet up at a bar for rice, grilled meat, and at least three rounds of beer. When our spirits are down, we’re not really in the mood to see the latest romantic comedy, even if it has Adam Sandler in it… in fact, just about anything that’s remotely romantic is the last thing we want to see. Makeovers or mud packs are out of the question, and we won’t radically change our hairstyle to match the intensity of our emotions, either. Instead, we’ll sulk and brood, repeatedly ask ourselves why this had to happen to us (of all people), and, after sulking and brooding some more, resolve to stop thinking about anything and everything, thus the beer.

We may even get around to some off-key singing of sappy heartbreak songs, depending on how drunk we get. The morning after is pretty difficult to get through too, but at least girls usually only have to deal with indigestion from too much ice cream or bruises from a pillow fight gone wrong; guys have to deal with the only thing that might be worse than a breakup at this point—the hangover after the breakup.

If we can tough it out, how do boys soften up?

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Fred Ong
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