Guys

An Open Letter to Guys Who Pretend to Genuinely Care

"There are times we want to be with you so bad, we completely ignore all the red flags right in front of us."
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To the guys who pretend to genuinely care, 

There are times we want to be with you so bad, we completely ignore all the red flags right in front of us. We put our doubts and confusions aside because we refuse to admit your mistakes and imperfections. Even though there are times our emotions try to get the best of us, we still allow ourselves to fall for you. Even though our best friends tell us straight up that you're only using us, we still choose to be with you, even if the longer we did, the more it tormented us. You took the advantage to play us with your little games, but enough is enough.

"Actions always speak louder than words"

We love hearing those sweet words coming right out of your mouth and those promising texts you so religiously send us, but do you really meant it all? Remember that we girls are very fragile human beings, and everything you say, we'll take it seriously. If you truly care, let us see it not only through your words but also through your actions.

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"Are we even a priority, or just one of your favorite pastimes?"

Your little efforts still give us butterflies, but it seems that you're only around when you aren't busy, making us ask ourselves if we are we still a priority. We only ask for your love and compassion, but sometimes you are out of reach and unavailable. You always promise that you would make it up to us, but when will you actually keep your word?

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"Don't leave us hanging, don't ghost us"

One minute you're here, and the next you're gone. We respect that you got other businesses to attend to, but we noticed you've done this constantly and it's getting on our nerves. Be honest with us and tell us how you really feel. We try to communicate with you to get to know you better, but if you're always unavailable, just tell us the truth about what's really going on, and don't leave us hanging.

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"Maybe something's wrong"

Maybe we're just not your priority; maybe you're in love with someone else or you've been hurt by someone before. Maybe you try using it on us to make the pain go away, but dear it doesn't have to be this way. We've all been there, done that, but don't try fooling us with your mischief games. There can be another way, a better way. 

What are the other things you'd like to tell the guys who pretend to genuinely care?

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About the author
Reins Mikalyn Melitante
Candymag.com Correspondent
I'm a traveling fashion blogger and part-time model based in Manila. I'm an IB student by day and a future fashion designer by night, I am your quintessential chinita who loves to sketch and write.
VIEW OTHER ARTICLES FROM Reins Mikalyn Melitante

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How can I be sure in my life when I'm indecisive? We all make decisions, but let's be honest that it is not easy to decide like which is which. We all have to consider all the things that can affect our decisions. Since then, making decisions for myself was never been so easy like what should I take, what should I pick and many more. I find it struggling because even though all I want for myself is for the good, I cannot have it because I don't even have the sureness in my life.

As I lay down in my bed at night, I always think the what ifs in my life. "What if I choose that over the other, would it be better?" those kinds of questions. Yes, it is hard being indecisive that you cannot have at least 90% happiness of the decision you made because you're not even sure about it and you will just feel happiness if the results are good. I am the kind of person who just go with the flow and doesn't even bother with the problems that must be taken seriously. I am thankful for the people especially to my friends who are always there to help me out in my life. People think that I'm the type of person who is happy-go-lucky but the truth is I'm just showing that I'm always happy but deep inside of me, I'm not. I'm really questioning myself that makes me overthink sometimes. To be able to help myself, I searched online about tips in making a decision. I know that I'm being "OA" because of this, but actually it helps me. I am trying to apply all the readings I read whenever I make decisions.

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Right now, I am somewhat happy and contented because I make decisions that I'm fully sure of. We must not take all the things as a joke, especially in making decisions. I don't want to have those feelings again that I had before. We must all help ourselves whenever we have problems. We cannot depend on others forever. You can reach out, but remember that you yourself is the key to end up the problems that you're into. So, let's all do the things that we can do today because there are many things waiting ahead of us.

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Forget Me Not: A forgotten entry in Tokyo

Watching well-made films often fuel the desire for adventure and excitement in our own lives. Like many in their youth, I've felt that childlike feeling of seeing myself as the main character in my own movie. The genres often change with time and it goes from comedy to tragedy really quick. I used to think that if I closed my eyes for too long, I'd miss the best parts. That if I close my eyes then I'd be covering the lens to the camera in my mind. But I also believed that I could dream about what I see again when I lay my head to sleep at nights or that I can re-watch all my memories after I die. But now that I'm older reality has a tighter grasp on my throat as I trudge my rocky road to adulthood. My memory is failing me. I write this entry for that reason. Because I am scared to forget. I was emotionally and mentally worn. I didn't know it at the time but I desperately needed that feeling of childlikeness again.

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Senior high school came with so much unnecessary pain and pressure that I didn't realize I was gasping for air. I always sat by the window to stare out during class as the voice of my teacher became background noise that faded into my daydreams. Before I knew it, I was packing a small backpack in the middle of the semester on a cold November evening to go on a trip to Tokyo. This time it wasn't a dream and it felt as if time stood still.

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While my friends and classmates were back home in their classrooms going on with their lives and schoolwork, I on the other hand was two-thousand miles away in a foreign land with a foreign language where my basic knowledge was not enough for me to survive on my own. Like passing through the Torii gate which the Japanese believe brings humans into the land of the spirits, I was in a new world. The breeze felt like a cold nip at the tip of my nose as autumn was nearing winter but I've never breathed in air fresher. I was welcomed into a small and warm Japanese home with lovely little folded cranes on a humble dinner table.

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My aunt who was far lovelier and even more vibrant than the colors on the delicately folded cranes was there to welcome me as well. The paper cranes weren't the only things she prepared for my one-week stay. On a little pink card, she had my name along with my Tokyo address handwritten in Japanese for our rides on the bus & bullet train; and in case I get lost. She also prepared a small pink pouch with cute yellow elephants on it. The pouch was filled with coins of different amounts. The coins were for me to spend freely on drinks and snacks in vending machines. It was all more than enough since beforehand she already prepared us 2 weeks' worth of snacks for my 1-week stay. On top of all that she prepared winter clothes since I traveled light and she insisted that I wear the pink parka that she brought before I came over. I find it funny that she still thinks I like pink but it's still just like the good old days. She's still one of the most thoughtful people I know. My aunt is a missionary in Japan and has always been like a mother and a friend to me. I sobbed like a baby in front of a thousand-member congregation on the day my family and I sent her off. A few years later, with my father being our Church's missions pastor, I was given the opportunity to travel to Tokyo and see her. Seeing her again was bittersweet. It's sweet since she raised me and is a big part of who I am and my interests today. But bitter because it hits you like a ton of bricks when you notice someone you love is has gotten older or weaker. Don't we all feel that at some point with our parents and guardians? On my father's side of the family, we have issues of Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, and Dementia. It's hard to pretend that it doesn't hurt that after years of being with my grandma, she doesn't know who I am. As for my dad, on top of having Parkinson's he is starting to show early signs of dementia too. It's scary how quickly one can forget decades worth of memories. I wonder if I may go through that as well one day.

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At the time these thoughts were overshadowed by the magical Disneyland rides and digital museums, sights like Mt. Fuji as well as traditional and Modern Japanese Architecture, pictures we took at the iconic Hachiko shrine, and Shibuya crosswalk, and even the small oddities of Harajuku fashion and merchandise. I took as many pictures every chance I could get. I wrote in my digital journal with plans to make a picture journal when I get back home. Japan was quite the story to tell that I believe rekindled my childlike spirit. Before we knew it, the week ended and I was packing once again. This time my luggage was more than twice as heavy and the destination this time was home. I dreaded leaving Japan but I dreaded leaving my aunt more. I didn't get to say a proper goodbye to her at the airport due to my not knowing that she was only allowed to see me off until a certain point. I cried on the flight back while holding a giant Donald duck stuffed toy as I just imagined her going to her small Tokyo home alone. I also cried since soon I'd have to face reality once again. After hours of travel I found myself back home in the all too familiar Baguio. But I was in distress. It wasn't because my lungs were starting to forget what clean air felt like or that I'm missing the life I've lived for the past week. But I was in distress because I couldn't find my phone. Why was that the biggest problem in the world to me at the time? It was because of the pictures and notes that were lost with it. All the pictures I took and the notes of the smallest details were a blurry mess amidst the panic in my brain. I never posted anything because I wanted to live in the time there and not worry about anything back home or anyone knowing what I've been up to. But what haunts me is that I don't remember a single one of the pictures I took. I was so sure that I'd be able to go over them when I get back home. I don't want to forget. It's been 550 days and it still bothers me. It's been 550 days and it's only now that I realize the lesson of this story as I write this.

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As scary as it is to forget memories, we have to understand when we have to hold on to something and when it's okay to forget. I tried for weeks to somehow recover the pictures on iCloud but to no avail. We may not be able to fix the mistakes of the past or avoid misfortune that is out of our hands but what we can do is to move forward and make more memories that are worth remembering. Treasure the beautiful moments and the lessons from the terrible times. Cherish them and fight to keep these memories on the surface. If you find that difficult to do then strive to tell your stories to others. Because in the times that we forget, then we have others will remember our legacy. We can't be sure about what happens next though we can plan all we want. Often life doesn't have spoilers and may have a plot twist around the corner. As for me, I may never find those photos again but I made it a goal to one day come back to Tokyo and make more memories. That is a promise that I won't forget.

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The Art of Doing Nothing

We have been confined with the worldview about the idea of success; thus, the word “productivity” has been diverted into a different meaning. We labeled the level of our success by identifying the weight of the works we’ve done – believing that the busier you are, the more productive you’ll be. But little did we know that this kind of mindset is a pitfall, ending up in a trap and restricting us to do more of what we can.

Every person has their own way of planning on how to get productive. One of the tips mentioned by Prosalendis was the “2 Hour Hermit Mode” where you just need to stay quiet for two hours to learn and reflect. Within the 2-Hour Hermit Mode, you need to completely shut down outside distractions and try to do nothing, this will help you to have a peace of mind and a quiet time. Focus. This word may be cliché, having a shallow meaning, but the reality is, focusing on one thing is one of the hardest things to do. Some people may have mistakenly understood “doing nothing” as unproductive, but this is actually a form of taking a break. I usually do this 2-Hour Hermit every time I am loaded with tons of deadlines. Just try to sit in the corner of a coffee shop and try to discover new things or just go to a place where you find yourself comfort and peace.

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The art of doing nothing makes you appreciate the beauty of the mundane things - you get to witness how the leaves sway on their own branches, you get to see the unappreciated smiles of the people, you get to hear the sound of the birds giving you lullabies. You will never have the time to focus if you are too disturbed with a lot of things. Give yourself a rest from thinking about all the work you need to do. Don’t get distracted and give yourself the freedom of unfolding new things. The power of focusing and art of doing nothing will help you to do things you don’t normally do, and maybe start to love the things you once hated. Trace your progress. We don’t know how productive we are unless we trace our activities. I have a journal where I can write the things I have done, and the things I wasn’t able to accomplish. This helps me to track and jot down the things I failed to do within the day.

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You are able to take a break and have a rest by doing outside the boundary of the tons of work you have. You will also be surprised that you have done so many things when you’re listing the things you’ve accomplished. This will not just give you the satisfaction but you will also be grateful for what you have done for the past twenty-four hours. You just need a minute to reminisce what you have done while enjoying the silence in the process. Small daily acts can be a solution to achieve our long-term goals. We’re always bombarded with distractions and piled up work, but nothing can beat the idea of staying on track and not feeling lost. By doing this, we will always be reminded why we started to commit on the things that we want to do. After all, what makes us love what we do is knowing why we started it in the first place. The problem with us is that we are too busy achieving, losing the time to see the colors of the ordinary. We are blinded with the idea that success comes with great productivity. We always think that we are defined by how much work we exerted, and not appreciating the effort we’ve given. The fact is you are already successful in acknowledging that you have done something, and nothing.

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