Guys

7 Reminders On Dealing With an Upset Guy

No matter how good your intention may be, saying these things will definitely make him even more upset.
PHOTO Fox Searchlight

Ever got into an argument because of something you said while he wasn't feeling so giddy? Like you, we also have moments when we're not feeling too chatty. Whether it directly involves you or not, it doesn’t really matter. When you hear us say, "I'm not really in the mood to talk right now," we're really not in the mood. It's best to just let us be alone for a while. However, if you do decide to still talk to your guy, here are 7 things you remember when you're dealing with an upset guy.

1. Don’t say "Whatever." It's really simple: Do not say anything that connotes that you don't care. Don't dismiss his thoughts, opinions, and possible leftover anger. You can infer that it's been a bad day, so the least you could do is show that you care. 

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2. Don't bring up unrelated topics. Try to keep things within the topic. If you need to give advice or console, by all means do so. That might help. Just don't go off topic and tell him about how your nail broke earlier or how your favorite One Direction band member is so gwapo. Those things aren't exactly what he'd prefer hearing after having a bad day. Of course, it's different if he asks about how your day was. Then go ahead and kwento the hours away.

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3. Don’t keep pressing him about being wrong. Just fought? Don't keep nagging him about his faults. Like girls, guys also like being right. I mean, we thrive on competition, and an argument is something we don't like losing in. Even if you are right, just try to understand that he's been through a rough day, and maybe you could just shove your right-ness in his face some other time when he's feeling better.

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4. Listen. A friend of mine tried comforting her boyfriend and later asked what was keeping him down in the dumps AFTER he said what it was all about. She obviously wasn't listening. If you plan on talking, listen and listen carefully. This should go without saying. If it were you, how would you feel?

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5. Don’t say that you can fix it together. When guys say they want to be alone, they plan on dealing with the problem alone. I know someone whose girlfriend tried to insist that they fix the problem together while the guy just wanted to be left alone, and they ended up having a really huge fight. Try not to do the same. Respect the space.

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6. Don't compare. The last thing you should do to an upset guy is to compare him to someone else. Don't tell him to do what your guy friends do when dealing with a similar problem. They're different people who manage problems differently. It's bad enough being distressed, don't make him feel even worse by suggesting that another person's way of handling things is better than his. Recommending another way of dealing with the situation, however, is fine.

NOTE: The only time it's okay to compare is when you're making him sound better than the person of comparison.

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7) Sometimes, you just don't have to say anything at all. I'm going to go full-circle and just go back to the fact that many guys want to be left alone when they're upset. Of course, your presence wouldn't be such a big deal if you insist. If he doesn't want to talk, just be there. Listen if he rants, or stick around while he's quiet and maybe hug him while you're at it. Sometimes the best comfort you can give isn't the words, but the actions. Those will mean so much more.

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Got feelings? Let us know in the comments or tweet us @candymagdotcom. We always love hearing from you. :) 

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About the author
Maqui Castelo
Contributing Writer, Candy Cutie
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Katherine Go 12 hours ago

Cold Food

The most thrilling and delightful moment of any school day is opening up your baon during breaks. There is always so much excitement in unveiling your homemade meal and snacks housed inside matching heat-insulating containers. Because preparing packed meals is an age-old tradition of showing parental love, loved ones pour effort into curating a nutritious meal accompanied by a selection of side dishes, desserts, and beverages daily; it reminds us that we are being taken care of, even from far away.

Baon plays a significant role in a Filipino childhood. Almost every Filipino child comes to school with baon made especially for them by their parents or household helpers. Even Filipinos in the labor force continue to bring baon for varying reasons: to save money, recycle leftovers, cater to personal taste, or attend to special needs. Nonetheless, eating your baon is a heart-warming experience that allows Filipinos to bring a piece of home along with them wherever they go.

Even other cultures practice making packed lunch. In Japan, mothers create bento--Japanese meals in partitioned boxes. Because of the popularity of bento, trends have emerged, such as the Kyaraben, or character-themed bento. Naturally, Japanese parents and students began competing for who had the cutest and tastiest bento, and this is similar to what I have witnessed in my own childhood. I remember seeing my classmates sharing their snacks and lunches. They would compare and boast about their parents' or yayas’ cooking. In my case, I never had the chance to join in the competition or indulge in homemade cooking. Up until this day, I have never brought any baon to school.

For a long time, I envied others. As trivial or petty as it may seem, not having baon became a problem for my grade school self. During that time, I had to sit in a separate cafeteria away from my friends because the kids who bought food were assigned to sit elsewhere. You could consider me spoiled, but I wanted to experience something most kids did. I had food at home, so what made it so hard to bring some with me to school?

Now that I am on my final year in high school I have come to realize the benefits of purchasing my own food. Since I spent on food everyday, I learned to budget my allowance at a young age. Over the years, I learned to practice self-control whenever I wanted to eat more greasy fries and drink sweetened beverages. I have tasted the strangest viands at the school cafeterias, and I have repeatedly satiated myself over my latest delicious discoveries. Despite the struggles, I am thankful that I have never had baon because of what I have learned. Not to mention, I never had to experience eating cold food.

Choosing between dreams and practicality is never easy. My CETs season just ended with the release of the UPCAT results. Anxious as I logged on the website, I started to think about what would happen if I didn't pass UP. Ever since I was six years old, I fixated on the idea that I will become an iska, serving the country and studying at my dream school, which is UP. I strived and studied hard for the UPCAT, sacrificing a lot of things like hang-outs and gala weekends for reviews.

Throughout my CETs journey, I started seeing myself studying only in UP, and while there were no results yet, my friends and I already started planning our lives around the fact that we're gonna study in UP. It was a big deal for me, my friends and my family that I get the chance to study in UP since it's so far from my hometown which is Benguet, and better yet, it's a very well known university.

January 2020 came and universities started releasing CETs results. I was expecting my DCAT and ACET results that month. I passed DCAT but brushed it off because even though I liked the school, I never really saw myself studying there. Same thoughts with Ateneo, since it never really crossed my mind that I might study in ADMU. In fact, Ateneo was never really a choice for me, I only took it just to have another choice in case I failed the UPCAT. I also applied for financial aid not because I was really planning on studying there, but more of "para lang sure na may college ako". I know it's a bad thing but they were just my back-up schools because my main goal was really UP.

One Friday afternoon, ACET results came out. I passed, managed to get a scholarship, and in that moment, my plans just started to crumble.

Seeing that I got a 100% tuition and fees discount, free dorm fees, and an additional book allowance got me into considering studying to Ateneo. Suddenly, I got torn between UP, my dream school, and Ateneo, which offers so much more.

As the months passed, and after talking to my parents, my plans and decisions got more jumbled and messy. I still wanted to go to UP even if there were no results yet but Ateneo offering so much would mean a lesser burden to my parents in terms of finances.

Even though my parents told me that they'll support me no matter where I choose to go, the practicality that Ateneo offers in terms of finances was not an easy thing to waive. Sometimes I would laugh at the fact that I'd spend less on a private school than on a state university. Talking to my friends helped somehow, but they also have various opinions about the two universities. I managed to tell myself to hold off the problem until UPCAT results get released, and so I did.

UP released the UPCAT results and seeing that I passed made me scream and cry, literally. At that moment, all I was thinking was that I passed my dream school and I'm officially a QC college student.

My parents were so proud of me even though they got scared because I screamed, but ultimately, they were happy for me. The next day, I sat down, stared at my UPCAT and ACET results, and told myself that I needed to decide. This was the hardest part. I tried deciding using the pros and cons method but it didn't really work. Talking to my parents also didn't help because they'd support me either way, so their judgement was not a factor at all. I also had the same course in both schools so that wasn't a big help. I was 99% close to letting go of my dream university and decide to go to Ateneo.

I weighed options and Ateneo was the cheaper and more practical option. I also started to see myself studying as a blue eagle, roaming around the campus etc. And financially, I didn't need to worry much except for food. At that point, I started to really like the idea of going to Ateneo more than studying in UP. But then, as the weeks went by, the Ateneo Plan started to lose my interest.

I realized that studying in Ateneo would be a great opportunity, but not something that will really make me happy. The finances and all would be so much better but I wouldn't be happy and content, and I felt that Ateneo couldn't give me everything that I wanted and needed. Then a light bulb lit up.

As I was imagining myself at UP, I ultimately felt that happiness and content that I didn't feel with Ateneo. I realized that, if I didn't study in UP, I know later in my life, I would regret it. I would regret not choosing my dream university because I didn't choose what would make me happy.

In short, I chose my dream over practicality. I know that I would be successful in both tracks, but I simply chose my dream because it is where I'm happier and more content. Besides, we can make our dreams practical but not all the time can the practical choice equate to our dreams. So to those having a hard time choosing between dreams and practicality, weigh it out and always remember to put yourself and your happiness first. And of course, choose the choice that you know you'll not regret later on.

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