Guys

5 Struggles Only People Who Are in a Non-Relationship Will Understand

Almost relationships are tricky and a little problematic. We let you in on all the struggles of people who are in one.
PHOTO Patrick Martires MAKEUP Sari Campos
HAIR Eddiemar Cabiltes MODELS Maan Marquez, Emil Khodaverdi

There are struggles which are exclusive to people who have been and are in almost relationships or non-relationships. Don't know what we're talking about? You know, those relationships that give you a migraine because it's not really a relationship and the two of you didn't really agree on something official. Presenting all the struggles known to the complicated world of "it's complicated" relationships known to men.

  1. Labels. If someone asks you whether you're in a relationship or not, you won't know how to respond. You can't say you are because you're not officially together and he hasn't even asked you out formally. You also can't say that you're not because you're afraid that would be a little too disrespectful to him or that you'll appear as a liar because you are seeing someone.

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  2. Trust issues. You can see him exchanging sweet or flirty comments with another girl online. You hear from your friends that they saw him out with another girl. You know you're not the only one he greets good night and good morning. And you also know that you don't have the right to ask him about these things or even get jealous because you are not *really* together. So all you do is doubt whether all the things he tells you or does for you are sincere and true or not.

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  3. Space issues. When he gets annoyed or mad at you, do you disappear into thin air and leave him alone forever? Or do you wait for him to come running back to you? Is a fight the end of your non-relationship or does that mean you only have to wait for him to let some steam off? The list of questions on how to act when he wants his space is a neverending one.

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  4. Self-blaming. Most of the time, you're going to blame yourself on why you can't really be in a relationship which is sooo wrong. You shouldn't be blaming yourself for his actions or his words or why he's still scared to commit to you. Those are his issues and he should work on them alone.

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  5. Closure. You don't know when it exactly ends or how to end it. Is he just some guy or is he your ex-boyfriend? You can leave whatever it is you have the moment you feel like doing so because there's nothing to end and there's nothing to break. Having The Breakup Talk isn't really something you're supposed to do because you weren't really together. And yet your heart will demand for it because you need it to be able to finally let go.

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Got a lot of feelings? Let us know in the comments or tweet us @candymagdotcom. We always love hearing from you. :)

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About the author
Ayessa De La Peña
Candymag.com Assistant Section Editor
I am Candymag.com's resident fangirl and ~*feelings*~ girl. When I'm not busy researching about what to write next on the website, I sleep, read books, and re-watch episodes of Friends.
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A community page where you can share your feels and show your skills! Learn more here

If you know me, and know me well, I am not the biggest fan of idyllic lifestyles. With a Type A personality, I act immediately upon whatever challenge that needs to be addressed. I actually enjoy keeping my mind preoccupied: doing university work in my favourite cafe then running errands around town, grocery shopping here, updating my accounts there, photocopying documents on the way down the street - all just in time before having a glass of champagne at the bar with my friends come evening.

And so, you could imagine my bewilderment when the next challenge to be faced was an extensive self-quarantine protocol. I didn’t know what to do when my greatest responsibility in this situation was to do nothing at all. My first few attempts to combat my consternation were very much rooted in distraction and imagination. My distractions involved conducting research, writing songs, calling family and friends, filming videos, and eating chocolate! My imaginations and fantasies were centred on travelling, shopping, even clubbing (which I rarely do) for when they find a cure to COVID-19. I did anything and everything that could be considered constructive in order to pass the time, mainly hoping I could just undertake the basic human necessities to survive - that is, eat and sleep the day through - until the next day comes, until the world is closer to becoming a better place, until quarantine ends, until my flight follows through, until I see my family and friends again.

Days in self-isolation and suspended flights turned to weeks and turned to months. By the third extension here in Spain where I study Fashion Business, I had to tell myself this shall be my new normal now, that I was blessed to be healthy, that I was tired of merely existing and missed what it was like to actually live - even if just within four walls. Little by little, I began to find significance in the simple occurrences of the day: the soft glare of the rising sun beaming golden streaks through my bedroom window upon waking up, the fragrance of freshly washed bed sheets that I had painstakingly hung to fit a relatively small clothes rack without crumpling them, the crunch and tanginess of warm toasted bread topped with raspberry marmalade, the buzzing sound of a phone call from home just waiting to be answered, to the caress of a fuzzy sweater to keep warm at night. I realised, “What pleasures to be enjoyed in the pause of slow living!” Through this continued pause, which I loathed at first, I began to appreciate each moment of the day rather than wish it would pass more swiftly, moments I had overlooked so often before the lockdown. I started to find that the challenge of self-isolation was never to pause both the regular routines of life as well as the positive emotions that came with these - as initially, I thought it meant to pause all happiness, so as to withstand a time of endurance in hopes for a better tomorrow, much like a form of delaying gratification. Life is just too fragile these days to delay gratification any further.

Life has paused, but it has not stopped. Believe that like any punctuation mark in a sentence, the pause will provide the right timing of things to take place. Till then, let us not waste our time waiting. Instead, we could be in the moment, seek substance in simplicity (that is, in what we already have), And enjoy the pleasure in pause. “Practice the Pause. When in doubt, pause. When angry, pause. When tired, pause. When stressed, pause. And when you pause, pray.”

They say time heals all wounds, but it has been ages - is heartbreak exempted?

I have forgotten when was the last time we shared a smile - the last time when I saw the glow in your eyes and the last time when you whispered an I love you to me. I have forgotten when, but here I am - writing to you again.

I do not know if you will read this or you will just add this one to my proses and poems that you left unread, but you see, I am still hoping. I am mailing the pain of us to the gods out there - hoping they can take the pain away. I should have gotten over you, but instead of forgetting and accepting our ending, I am writing about us in tissue sheets, carving about us on trees, telling about us on the back of my journals, hoping that a thousand or a million write ups about us, can make me forget about what happened.

I am writing, waiting for the point where I can no longer write anymore, for I have none to tell - but when? I have nothing in me anymore, but the memories of us - and no matter how hard I try put those to its own grave, the memories grow back like lilies in the swamp - painful and beautiful at the same time.

No matter how hard I try to silence those and put it at the back of my mind, those ring back, playing like the favorite song we used to listen. They say heartbreaks turn into poetry and that is what happening to us - but poetry should be dulcet and dreamy, why does ours sound like pain and agony? They say time heals all wounds, but it has been ages - is heartbreak exempted? Darling, I guess not.

Anne Luna A day ago
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