Guys

5 Signs You're in an Abusive Relationship

It's not me, it's you.
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The term #RelationshipGoals always seems to be trending all over the internet. Because of this, we have thoughts and ideas of what exactly the image of a perfect relationship is, and in turn, find ourselves unhappy in the ones that we're in.

As humans, it's obviously normal to want to be in a relationship. It's normal to fall in love, to want your partner's affection and attention. However, because we are in love, there are times when we see particularly harmful traits as cute ones, especially when you're younger and are just starting out on the dating scene. So, how exactly do we differentiate being in love, and being in a harmful kind of love?

  1. They want to spend time together…all the time.

This causes you to drift apart from everything, as well as everyone around you. Wanting to spend  time together is normal, especially at the start of a relationship, but you have to consider the other people in your life, too. Make sure your family and friends don't become strangers when you are in a relationship. Regardless of how in love you are with someone, your world should never revolve around just them.

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  1. They're abusive.

Obviously, this is the most common and noticeable sign of being in a toxic relationship. Lots of people classify abuse simply to what they see on the media: having your hair pulled, getting kicked around, being screamed at, but the case is not always the same for everyone.

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There are two kinds of abuse: verbal and physical. The physical kind of abuse is easier to detect since it's noticeable especially when the abuse manifests on one's appearance. This is when your partner touches you in any way that hurts you, and even when they know that it hurts, they still continue to do so. The verbal kind of abuse doesn't exactly leave a mark on your skin, but they can hurt just as badly, and leave a much deeper scar within you that only you will manage to feel.

These are two things that you need to watch for, because even the smallest thingsplayful punches, incessant teasingmay develop into something more at any moment.

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  1. They isolate you from the important people in your lives.

Being jealous is normal in any relationship. If you feel a nervous twinge in your stomach when your partner meets up with their ex or goes out clubbing, it's understandable. However, if you're getting upset about your partner hanging out with their family, or with their best friends, then that's where the problem starts.

Plenty of people nowadays say, "Hey, I don't want you seeing this person," "I don't want you to wear that because I don't trust others to keep their hands off of you," or "I trust you, I just don't trust him/her." It's like being told that you need the permission of another person to live and enjoy your life. Yes, there are times when they're just saying that because they're worried about your safety, but you also need to know when to draw the line.

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  1. They threaten or guilt trip you into staying with them.

Abusers love dominance. They like knowing that you'll stay with them, no matter what. This gives them the idea that they can control their partner, and have them be with them whenever and wherever they want. This may develop into something more serious when they start threatening you or the people around you; telling your friends to stay away from you, telling your family you're too busy for dinner, or telling you to stay with them even if you have more important matters to attend to, lest they do something they might regret.

There are definitely times you'll want to break up with them, and instead of allowing you to do so, your partner may try to keep you by saying things like "If you leave me, I'll kill myself" or "I'll be nothing without you." With that, they trap you, and are putting above their own feelings above your own. If this is the case, don't stay with them. Don't stay with someone that's making you miserable.

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  1. They blame you for their own bad behavior.

If your partner tells you that the only reason they act the way they do is because of you, they are blaming you for their own harmful ways and urges. Phrases like "I'm just doing this for you," or "It's because of the way you act!" are things they say so that you're forced to take the blame, and in turn, they don't have to feel bad about their own terrible behavior.

When your partner blames their actions on you, or anyone else for that matter, they're finding a way out of feeling the guilt of all that they've done. They tell you they're not doing anything wrong and sadly, a lot of the time they believe that. They really do think that they've done nothing wrong, or that what they're doing is normal, or that it's "not that bad." As someone who loves them, it should be you who should show them what exactly they're doing wrong, and you should know when to draw the line.

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If your partner is showing—or is starting to show—any of these things, don't be afraid to call them out on it. It's your responsibility to them as both their partner and as a person to teach them how to be better themselves. The most important part of a relationship is being able to trust and love each other wholeheartedly, and you should be able to tell your boyfriend or girlfriend anything. Always remember that.

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About the author
Gaby Agbulos
Candymag.com Correspondent
Gaby Agbulos is a strong, determined spirit that enjoys doing anything as long as the people she loves with her. She enjoys listening to music, writing stories, and meeting new friends, especially if by friends, you mean puppies.
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Jasmine Gurpido 20 hours ago

LIFE ADVICE YOU NEED TO HEAR WHILE YOURE STILL YOUNG

This blog is dedicated to all teens out there struggling in determining what they really want in their life or if you simply want a glow up. And since were still facing a pandemic, I think this is also a season where everyone is re-thinking about their lives. So, I hope these advices might help you.

Tip #1. TAKE RISK - since most of you are still young, I advice you to take your biggest risk. Whether it may be taking the course you want, a skill you want to acquire or just simply taking the risk to throw away your emotional baggage from your childhood. While you're still young, you have very little to lose. You dont have that much commitments and responsibilities. Because the older you get, the more responsibilities and obligations came. So when they are still not piling up, take the risk! As for me, the biggest risk I took when I was still a teenager is to CUT OFF TOXIC FAMILY TIES.

I may sound rude here but, yeah. I decided to throw away my emotional baggage from my traumatic childhood and cut off some of my family ties and it is completely okay! You dont have to be bothered by whatever they will say. Because at your age, you are already investing on your growth as a person. If you really want to grow, THERE IS NO PERFECT TIME FOR YOU TO TAKE RISK BUT NOW. Because in taking risk you are actually giving yourself a reward of getting something amazing or beyond what you expect you can have. As they say, the bigger the risk, the bigger the reward. Keep in mind that the bigger the risk, the bigger possibility of FAILURE. But that is completely OKAY. Because just like what I said earlier, you are still young. You dont have so much to lose so, dont be afraid to take the risk and then fail. But after failing, learn from it and the more courage you have to take risk the greater the learning, reward or happiness. Ito na nga, how to take risk nga ba? And what are the risk that would actually help me to grow? #

2: VOICE LESSON - dont get me wrong, hindi ito vocalization para sa pagkanta. What I mean is, learn to listen to that VOICE INSIDE YOU. Listen to your heart, to your intuition and to your visions because it will be your GUIDE. Because I realize that as you go along your journey of your life and if you really want to be YOURSELF and be successful in achieving your goals, the only GUIDE that you should follow is your OWN VOICE.

It is okay to take and consider other people's advices but at the end of the day,you should never forget to listen to your own voice. Because that voice is what tells you what you truly want. How would you know that if it is your 'own' voice? Your own voice always comes from your HEART. The voice where YOU and GOD'S voice are one. Because I firmly believe that God knows your heart and that is where he reside. I like journaling because whenever I journal my thought every night and every morning, I feel a dual voice inside my head. Like, it contradicts what the other voice is telling. For example: If we have dreams or goals that puts us so much weight and pressure to the point that it makes you exhausted, STOP. Because it might be a dream or goal of someone else. I believe that your own dreams and goals may be frustrating most of the time, but that frustration has fueling feeling that will always tell you that 'This is the hard way to better so keep going'. Frustration in your own dreams will not make you feel exhausted because achieving a dream itself is a fulfilling feeling.

#3. TAKE ACTION - if you really want something to happen, take action. Dont just sit there and wait things to come your way. Make action or decisions that will take you to where you want to go in your life. Just like what I said in one of my novels that I am writing in wattpad, "There is no such thing as destiny or fate. Because YOU make your OWN life choices." For example, I cannot expect to be a published author if I dont write any novels right? The bottomline here is, if you are not moving forward you are actually moving backward. And it is a sad thing. Life is full of situations where you will be put in the line whether you take courage or just stay where you are. Because GROWING needs consistency in moving forward. So if you dont have to enough courage to take action, your life will always stay the same or worse you will continuously shrink down.

#4. EXPAND YOUR HORIZONS - this means stretching your comfort zone. I watched an anime entitled "Black Clover" there is a captain there where he always tell his subordinates to surpass their limits right, here right now. Going out of our comfort zones are surely scary and uncomfortable. But you have to accept the fact that you cannot stay on the coast forever. You have to change, because the only thing that is constant in this world is change right? Go out of your comfort zones because LIMITS are just in the MIND. There are disabled people who are successful in their own careers. Because the lesson here is, if you hold back there will be no growth. Because GROWTH blooms in DISCOMFORT.

Last, #5. INVEST IN YOURSELF - especially now that you are still young, you should focus on investing on yourself more. Time is your bestfriend at this point of your life. You have so much time to discover things about yourself. I never regret buying and reading books that I never knew will help me later on in dealing life's challenges. You can use that time to read books, gain wisdom, or pick a new skill, improve your talent and learn from your experiences. Keep learning outside your home or your school. Because the real battlefield is OUTSIDE. What you learn in school will only help you in your career but your wisdom and experiences will help you in life or as a person. People who doesnt embrace growth will never succeed in their life. (This is a reflection blog from my 21st birthday last week. I hope you can feature this on your page and I hope it can help others as well. )

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