Guys

5 Signs You're in an Abusive Relationship

It's not me, it's you.
IMAGE Unsplash

The term #RelationshipGoals always seems to be trending all over the internet. Because of this, we have thoughts and ideas of what exactly the image of a perfect relationship is, and in turn, find ourselves unhappy in the ones that we're in.

As humans, it's obviously normal to want to be in a relationship. It's normal to fall in love, to want your partner's affection and attention. However, because we are in love, there are times when we see particularly harmful traits as cute ones, especially when you're younger and are just starting out on the dating scene. So, how exactly do we differentiate being in love, and being in a harmful kind of love?

  1. They want to spend time together…all the time.

This causes you to drift apart from everything, as well as everyone around you. Wanting to spend  time together is normal, especially at the start of a relationship, but you have to consider the other people in your life, too. Make sure your family and friends don't become strangers when you are in a relationship. Regardless of how in love you are with someone, your world should never revolve around just them.

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW

  1. They're abusive.

Obviously, this is the most common and noticeable sign of being in a toxic relationship. Lots of people classify abuse simply to what they see on the media: having your hair pulled, getting kicked around, being screamed at, but the case is not always the same for everyone.

CONTINUE READING BELOW
Recommended Videos

There are two kinds of abuse: verbal and physical. The physical kind of abuse is easier to detect since it's noticeable especially when the abuse manifests on one's appearance. This is when your partner touches you in any way that hurts you, and even when they know that it hurts, they still continue to do so. The verbal kind of abuse doesn't exactly leave a mark on your skin, but they can hurt just as badly, and leave a much deeper scar within you that only you will manage to feel.

These are two things that you need to watch for, because even the smallest thingsplayful punches, incessant teasingmay develop into something more at any moment.

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
  1. They isolate you from the important people in your lives.

Being jealous is normal in any relationship. If you feel a nervous twinge in your stomach when your partner meets up with their ex or goes out clubbing, it's understandable. However, if you're getting upset about your partner hanging out with their family, or with their best friends, then that's where the problem starts.

Plenty of people nowadays say, "Hey, I don't want you seeing this person," "I don't want you to wear that because I don't trust others to keep their hands off of you," or "I trust you, I just don't trust him/her." It's like being told that you need the permission of another person to live and enjoy your life. Yes, there are times when they're just saying that because they're worried about your safety, but you also need to know when to draw the line.

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW

  1. They threaten or guilt trip you into staying with them.

Abusers love dominance. They like knowing that you'll stay with them, no matter what. This gives them the idea that they can control their partner, and have them be with them whenever and wherever they want. This may develop into something more serious when they start threatening you or the people around you; telling your friends to stay away from you, telling your family you're too busy for dinner, or telling you to stay with them even if you have more important matters to attend to, lest they do something they might regret.

There are definitely times you'll want to break up with them, and instead of allowing you to do so, your partner may try to keep you by saying things like "If you leave me, I'll kill myself" or "I'll be nothing without you." With that, they trap you, and are putting above their own feelings above your own. If this is the case, don't stay with them. Don't stay with someone that's making you miserable.

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
  1. They blame you for their own bad behavior.

If your partner tells you that the only reason they act the way they do is because of you, they are blaming you for their own harmful ways and urges. Phrases like "I'm just doing this for you," or "It's because of the way you act!" are things they say so that you're forced to take the blame, and in turn, they don't have to feel bad about their own terrible behavior.

When your partner blames their actions on you, or anyone else for that matter, they're finding a way out of feeling the guilt of all that they've done. They tell you they're not doing anything wrong and sadly, a lot of the time they believe that. They really do think that they've done nothing wrong, or that what they're doing is normal, or that it's "not that bad." As someone who loves them, it should be you who should show them what exactly they're doing wrong, and you should know when to draw the line.

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW

If your partner is showing—or is starting to show—any of these things, don't be afraid to call them out on it. It's your responsibility to them as both their partner and as a person to teach them how to be better themselves. The most important part of a relationship is being able to trust and love each other wholeheartedly, and you should be able to tell your boyfriend or girlfriend anything. Always remember that.

your REACTION
YAY

14

OMG

6

HEART

3

BOO

1

CUTE

1

EWW

1

/////////////////////////////
COMMENTS. JOIN THE DISCUSSION BELOW!
Comments
About the author
Gaby Agbulos
Candymag.com Correspondent
Gaby Agbulos is a strong, determined spirit that enjoys doing anything as long as the people she loves with her. She enjoys listening to music, writing stories, and meeting new friends, especially if by friends, you mean puppies.
VIEW OTHER ARTICLES FROM Gaby

Candy Bulletin

Welcome!
What're you up to today? Submit your OOTD, fanfic, essay, school project, org event, a pic of your latest hobby, or anything you want to be posted on the Candy Bulletin page!
Reminder: Posts will be subject for approval by the Candy team, and may be shared on our online channels. Plagiarism and copyright infringement are strictly prohibited. Only original work must be submitted.
Hi, you!
*1st 15 seconds will be uploaded
*File size limit (up to 60MB)
*File size limit (up to 60MB)
or
Upload Video
*For the direct video upload option, only the first 15 seconds of the video will be uploaded
*File size limit (up to 60MB)
Photo
Video
SoundCloud

By submitting your post, you agree to Candymag's Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Thank you for submitting your post.
You will be notified via email once your entry has been approved by the Candy team.

Submitted posts will be subject to the approval of the Candy Team.

A few reminders:

  1. Candy Bulletin is an online platform where users can upload original work, personal passion projects, and other forms of self-expression, for the purpose of sharing with the community.
  2. You can upload photos of your curated OOTDs, 15-second videos, essays, poems, and more, as long as the submitted work is original, follows copyright laws, and free of any nudity, pornography, or profanity.
  3. You are encouraged to comment on one another's posts, as long as everyone remains respectful.
Submit Another Post
latest on CandyMag.com
 
x
Share
Do you ever wonder how your favorite content creators decide which photos get published on their own feeds?
 
x
Share
Based on the mystery novel Smaller and Smaller Circles by F.H. Batacan.
 
x
Share
Here are tips on how to make this giant deconstructed sushi.
 
x
Share
LOAD MORE ARTICLES
Bulletin
A community page where you can share your feels and show your skills! Learn more here

When everything around you suddenly turns dark, the first thing we'd prolly do, as humans, is to find and grab anything that is closest and nearest to us. We'll hold onto them for as long as we can, trying to collect ourselves and gather courage to adjust our eyesights to the pitch black environment that's consuming us minute by minute. And then you'd hear nothing. Your sense of hearing would somehow go off after not seeing anything for quite awhile. You'll let loose. Cry. Panic. You'll be exhausted for fighting your way out. Then just when you're about to stop and give up, you're no longer afraid. There's only this deafening silence and pithole of darkness that's gonna eat you up alive. And surprisingly, you'll make a home out of it.

You'll make a home out of the darkness that when a ray of light suddenly hits you, you'll try to avoid it. You'll try to cover your eyes. You'll try to cover your ears from the voices trying to help you get out of it. You'll try to hide because your mind and body will go against your will to come out and live. Because the darkness that used to scare you, now comforts you in a way you thought has helped you survived life. And you'll try to live. Day by day. In the darkness. Not knowing where to go. Not knowing where to start. Not knowing who is with you. You will try to live until the darkness that once surrounds you is now within you. And everyday, it's gonna be a cycle of subtle torture. But let me tell you a secret. The darkness won't make you whole.

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
CONTINUE READING BELOW
Recommended Videos

You'll be broken. And in those hair-like cracks, the light will stubbornly fight its way through until it warms you up. Until you realize to check the switch and turn it on. Until you allow other people to help you find your way back in the light. Until you realize you're ready to live in light again. There's a light at the end of this long and dreading tunnel. The only question that matters: will you let them in?

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
your REACTION
Pick a sticker to view stories by reaction!
/////////////////////////////
CONNECT WITH US