Questions like these are just plain torture.
- "Did I gain weight?"
AAAAAAAARGH. This question will make us want to tear our faces off. That's not a question—that's a death trap designed by women. Whatever we answer (or even if we don't answer), we're dead.
- "Why do you spend so much time playing video games?"
You can also replace video games with any testosterone-powered hobby. Well, why not? At least we don't spend our free time coloring our nails. Ooooh, snap!
- "Do you think this showbiz couple have really broken up...or are they just promoting their movie?"
Huh? What's that? Did you just speak in a foreign language? Like maybe "I-don't-give-a-damn-about-showbiz"-nese?
- "Do you think she's pretty?"
More death trap questions! We'll never know if you're just genuinely curious, or fishing around for some nefariously feminine purpose. Either way, no answer is ever safe.
- "Who's your crush?"
We'd tell you...but 99% of the time, we won't say it's you.
This article was originally published in the Jan-Feb 2000 issue of Candy Magazine.