3 Signs That You Are Just His Backup Girl

Don't allow someone to treat you as their "cushion."
IMAGE Unsplash

Another dating term has emerged, Candy Girls, and it doesn't sound lovely at all. Ever heard of the term "cushioning"?

Cushioning refers to people's act of treating other people as "cushions," people they see as potential partners once their relationships or what they have with another person ends. It's kind of like a backup person whom you can be intimate or flirty with in case your "primary" relationship ends. Terrible, right? (via

We really don't recommend that you treat other people as your "cushions" because when you're in a relationship, we believe that you should be totally committed to that person. So if you think that you're being treated as a cushion or someone's backup plan, here are some signs to help you decide to just cut off that line of communication with that person who sees you as their standby girl.

  1. They always insist on their own terms.

It's always the same cycle that goes with being with them. Whenever you ask them to define what you have or make your non-relationship official (because you've been standing by them for months, or even years already!), they tell you the same thing: "I'm not yet ready." 


You end up wondering what scares them because you've been playing girlfriend for them for a while already—looking out for them or making sure they're alright. In the end, they tell you or ask you to just wait... and you end up feeling helpless because you've been in it for a while and you've invested so much in what you both have already. Sayang naman.

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  1. They don't like planning things with you.

Another thing that scares them? The future. Most of your dates are spontaneous because they know you're always there for them that they don't really see the point of planning anymore. When you ask them to be with you for a particular date so your friends can meet them, they're just never there and what you get is another excuse to postpone your plans.

  1. They don't stand by their words.

They tell you they're going to be there for you when you need them, but whenever you do feel the need for a hand to hold or a shoulder to lean on, they are never there. They say they care for you, but you always wonder if they ever did. The worst part? You know you can't get mad at them because you know there was no relationship to begin with. *sigh*


There you have it, Candy Girls. While we believe that whatever makes you happy is worth fighting for, we also believe that when it comes to a relationship, you should have someone fighting with you or it won't be a relationship at all. If you're fighting for it alone or if you've been fighting for what you have alone, then what's the point? You don't deserve to be someone's cushion or someone's backup plan; you should be the plan and you should be the destination.

Got guy problems you want us to help you with? Leave a comment below or tweet us @candymagdotcom. We'll try our very best to help. :)









About the author
Ayessa De La Peña Assistant Section Editor
I am's resident fangirl and ~*feelings*~ girl. When I'm not busy researching about what to write next on the website, I sleep, read books, and re-watch episodes of Friends.

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Katherine Go 2 days ago

Cold Food

The most thrilling and delightful moment of any school day is opening up your baon during breaks. There is always so much excitement in unveiling your homemade meal and snacks housed inside matching heat-insulating containers. Because preparing packed meals is an age-old tradition of showing parental love, loved ones pour effort into curating a nutritious meal accompanied by a selection of side dishes, desserts, and beverages daily; it reminds us that we are being taken care of, even from far away.

Baon plays a significant role in a Filipino childhood. Almost every Filipino child comes to school with baon made especially for them by their parents or household helpers. Even Filipinos in the labor force continue to bring baon for varying reasons: to save money, recycle leftovers, cater to personal taste, or attend to special needs. Nonetheless, eating your baon is a heart-warming experience that allows Filipinos to bring a piece of home along with them wherever they go.

Even other cultures practice making packed lunch. In Japan, mothers create bento--Japanese meals in partitioned boxes. Because of the popularity of bento, trends have emerged, such as the Kyaraben, or character-themed bento. Naturally, Japanese parents and students began competing for who had the cutest and tastiest bento, and this is similar to what I have witnessed in my own childhood. I remember seeing my classmates sharing their snacks and lunches. They would compare and boast about their parents' or yayas’ cooking. In my case, I never had the chance to join in the competition or indulge in homemade cooking. Up until this day, I have never brought any baon to school.

For a long time, I envied others. As trivial or petty as it may seem, not having baon became a problem for my grade school self. During that time, I had to sit in a separate cafeteria away from my friends because the kids who bought food were assigned to sit elsewhere. You could consider me spoiled, but I wanted to experience something most kids did. I had food at home, so what made it so hard to bring some with me to school?

Now that I am on my final year in high school I have come to realize the benefits of purchasing my own food. Since I spent on food everyday, I learned to budget my allowance at a young age. Over the years, I learned to practice self-control whenever I wanted to eat more greasy fries and drink sweetened beverages. I have tasted the strangest viands at the school cafeterias, and I have repeatedly satiated myself over my latest delicious discoveries. Despite the struggles, I am thankful that I have never had baon because of what I have learned. Not to mention, I never had to experience eating cold food.

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