3 Signs That You Are Just His Backup Girl
Another dating term has emerged, Candy Girls, and it doesn't sound lovely at all. Ever heard of the term "cushioning"?
Cushioning refers to people's act of treating other people as "cushions," people they see as potential partners once their relationships or what they have with another person ends. It's kind of like a backup person whom you can be intimate or flirty with in case your "primary" relationship ends. Terrible, right? (via HelloGiggles.com)
We really don't recommend that you treat other people as your "cushions" because when you're in a relationship, we believe that you should be totally committed to that person. So if you think that you're being treated as a cushion or someone's backup plan, here are some signs to help you decide to just cut off that line of communication with that person who sees you as their standby girl.
- They always insist on their own terms.
It's always the same cycle that goes with being with them. Whenever you ask them to define what you have or make your non-relationship official (because you've been standing by them for months, or even years already!), they tell you the same thing: "I'm not yet ready."
You end up wondering what scares them because you've been playing girlfriend for them for a while already—looking out for them or making sure they're alright. In the end, they tell you or ask you to just wait... and you end up feeling helpless because you've been in it for a while and you've invested so much in what you both have already. Sayang naman.
- They don't like planning things with you.
Another thing that scares them? The future. Most of your dates are spontaneous because they know you're always there for them that they don't really see the point of planning anymore. When you ask them to be with you for a particular date so your friends can meet them, they're just never there and what you get is another excuse to postpone your plans.
- They don't stand by their words.
They tell you they're going to be there for you when you need them, but whenever you do feel the need for a hand to hold or a shoulder to lean on, they are never there. They say they care for you, but you always wonder if they ever did. The worst part? You know you can't get mad at them because you know there was no relationship to begin with. *sigh*
There you have it, Candy Girls. While we believe that whatever makes you happy is worth fighting for, we also believe that when it comes to a relationship, you should have someone fighting with you or it won't be a relationship at all. If you're fighting for it alone or if you've been fighting for what you have alone, then what's the point? You don't deserve to be someone's cushion or someone's backup plan; you should be the plan and you should be the destination.
Got guy problems you want us to help you with? Leave a comment below or tweet us @candymagdotcom. We'll try our very best to help. :)
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Outdoors Danielle Flestado @artdkf | May 1, 2020 "I miss the outside world. The last time I went outside of our house was on my birthday. We just bought coffee across our village and went back home immediately. This painting made me feel that I'm in a field, just appreciating the beauty of God's creation. Can you imagine the green grass and pink flowers?"
When everything around you suddenly turns dark, the first thing we'd prolly do, as humans, is to find and grab anything that is closest and nearest to us. We'll hold onto them for as long as we can, trying to collect ourselves and gather courage to adjust our eyesights to the pitch black environment that's consuming us minute by minute. And then you'd hear nothing. Your sense of hearing would somehow go off after not seeing anything for quite awhile. You'll let loose. Cry. Panic. You'll be exhausted for fighting your way out. Then just when you're about to stop and give up, you're no longer afraid. There's only this deafening silence and pithole of darkness that's gonna eat you up alive. And surprisingly, you'll make a home out of it.
You'll make a home out of the darkness that when a ray of light suddenly hits you, you'll try to avoid it. You'll try to cover your eyes. You'll try to cover your ears from the voices trying to help you get out of it. You'll try to hide because your mind and body will go against your will to come out and live. Because the darkness that used to scare you, now comforts you in a way you thought has helped you survived life. And you'll try to live. Day by day. In the darkness. Not knowing where to go. Not knowing where to start. Not knowing who is with you. You will try to live until the darkness that once surrounds you is now within you. And everyday, it's gonna be a cycle of subtle torture. But let me tell you a secret. The darkness won't make you whole.
You'll be broken. And in those hair-like cracks, the light will stubbornly fight its way through until it warms you up. Until you realize to check the switch and turn it on. Until you allow other people to help you find your way back in the light. Until you realize you're ready to live in light again. There's a light at the end of this long and dreading tunnel. The only question that matters: will you let them in?
I always thought of life, like a bead where each piece makes it worth sewing together with other piece of beads to make a stronger bond and to create a beautiful result. Today, how do we bond well with different people especially this difficult time? As this day challenges us to a new normal, may we continue to bead along positively with our life.