It's not until my friends started sending text messages about how much they miss me that I realize I haven't gone out of the house for a week already. I finally jump out of bed and notice that I have been wearing the same clothes since a week ago. I step on a pizza box I had delivered to me last night, and step on another one from the other night.
I open my laptop to check the time and realize how much romantic movies I binged-watched. My trash bin full of tissues also shows that a lot of crying has been going on. I check my cellphone and immediately regret doing so after seeing my "sent" box full of messages sent to him asking what I'm supposed to do without him now.
Breakups can be horrible. It makes you reach a level of petty you never wanted to become. However, as I was picking myself up, I picked up three lessons to avoid losing yourself in a relationship again:
- Make him a part of you but don't give him a part you.
It's two in the morning when he tells you his favorite songs and you tell him yours. They are completely of different genres. But just because he is your favorite person now, doesn't mean his songs should be your favorite too.
I know how much you always wanted to use the splitter you just bought, but let him listen to his songs and you listen to yours. So when he leaves, you wouldn't have to hate the songs you used to love or you wouldn't have to download that playlist you once replaced with his.
If he doesn't want to watch your favorite movie together, don't force him to. Because if you do, he won't be paying attention and will only play with your hair while he hugs you from behind. And when you break up, you wouldn't watch the movie again, because it's no longer just the movie that'll make you cry, but the way he touched your hair and how he hugged you from behind when you were watching it together.
- Make plans together but make dreams for each other.
Making plans and dreams are different, you can plan things out together but have dreams for yourselves alone.
At noon when both of your stomachs are shouting for food, you plan on what and where to eat. You'll both say "up to you" and no one's going to make a decision unless someone says "fine, let's not eat." You end up eating food of one's choice or both of your choice. When the clock strikes two, you start making plans on where to spend the rest of the day.
It's late in the afternoon and you find yourselves talking about your dreams. He tells you how much he wants a sports car someday. You never wanted a sports car. You've always wanted a sophisticated red rover. Tell him that too. Don't go saying, "Okay fine, we'll get sports car and not a rover" like how you always told him it's up to him on where you should eat. Don't just imagine yourself in the front seat while he drives his dream car. You are supposed to drive your own dream car.
You can let him tell you what he dreams of, and you should tell him yours, too. So when he leaves, you would still know how to get up and hustle through the day because you still have the dreams for yourself. You wouldn't just snuggle in your bed and think about who's going to drive the sports car now while you're sitting on the front seat.
- Love him for what he does for you and not for what he does to you.
Do not love him because he makes you laugh, love him for his jokes and for intentionally stuttering just to make you laugh. Do not love him because he makes you feel at ease for speaking the exact words you want to hear. Instead, love him because he's a man who knows what to say.
Because when he leaves, you know that happiness doesn't entirely come from him, it comes from intentional stuttering or from the jokes he said. That you don't need him to be happy, you just need to hear another set of jokes, who knows it might even make you laugh harder.
You know that comfort doesn't come from his mouth but from his words. And you don't need him to tell you that everything's going to be okay. There can be someone else who can tell you and can even make you feel a whole lot better.
Loving someone doesn't always mean that you need to give them a space in your heart, you can make a space for them. So when they leave, you wouldn't feel like the a useless earring who lost its pair, but rather the ears who don't need these earrings anyway.
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