Guys

3 Important Pieces of Advice So You Won't Have to Pick Yourself up After a Breakup

Here's to never losing yourself in a relationship again.
IMAGE Pexels ART Clare Magno

It's not until my friends started sending text messages about how much they miss me that I realize I haven't gone out of the house for a week already. I finally jump out of bed and notice that I have been wearing the same clothes since a week ago. I step on a pizza box I had delivered to me last night, and step on another one from the other night.

I open my laptop to check the time and realize how much romantic movies I binged-watched. My trash bin full of tissues also shows that a lot of crying has been going on. I check my cellphone and immediately regret doing so after seeing my "sent" box full of messages sent to him asking what I'm supposed to do without him now.

Breakups can be horrible. It makes you reach a level of petty you never wanted to become. However, as I was picking myself up, I picked up three lessons to avoid losing yourself in a relationship again:

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  1. Make him a part of you but don't give him a part you.

It's two in the morning when he tells you his favorite songs and you tell him yours. They are completely of different genres. But just because he is your favorite person now, doesn't mean his songs should be your favorite too.

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I know how much you always wanted to use the splitter you just bought, but let him listen to his songs and you listen to yours. So when he leaves, you wouldn't have to hate the songs you used to love or you wouldn't have to download that playlist you once replaced with his.

If he doesn't want to watch your favorite movie together, don't force him to. Because if you do, he won't be paying attention and will only play with your hair while he hugs you from behind. And when you break up, you wouldn't watch the movie again, because it's no longer just the movie that'll make you cry, but the way he touched your hair and how he hugged you from behind when you were watching it together.

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  1. Make plans together but make dreams for each other.

Making plans and dreams are different, you can plan things out together but have dreams for yourselves alone.

At noon when both of your stomachs are shouting for food, you plan on what and where to eat. You'll both say "up to you" and no one's going to make a decision unless someone says "fine, let's not eat." You end up eating food of one's choice or both of your choice. When the clock strikes two, you start making plans on where to spend the rest of the day.



It's late in the afternoon and you find yourselves talking about your dreams. He tells you how much he wants a sports car someday. You never wanted a sports car. You've always wanted a sophisticated red rover. Tell him that too. Don't go saying, "Okay fine, we'll get sports car and not a rover" like how you always told him it's up to him on where you should eat. Don't just imagine yourself in the front seat while he drives his dream car. You are supposed to drive your own dream car.

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You can let him tell you what he dreams of, and you should tell him yours, too. So when he leaves, you would still know how to get up and hustle through the day because you still have the dreams for yourself. You wouldn't just snuggle in your bed and think about who's going to drive the sports car now while you're sitting on the front seat.

  1. Love him for what he does for you and not for what he does to you.

Do not love him because he makes you laugh, love him for his jokes and for intentionally stuttering just to make you laugh. Do not love him because he makes you feel at ease for speaking the exact words you want to hear. Instead, love him because he's a man who knows what to say.

Because when he leaves, you know that happiness doesn't entirely come from him, it comes from intentional stuttering or from the jokes he said. That you don't need him to be happy, you just need to hear another set of jokes, who knows it might even make you laugh harder.

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You know that comfort doesn't come from his mouth but from his words. And you don't need him to tell you that everything's going to be okay. There can be someone else who can tell you and can even make you feel a whole lot better.

Loving someone doesn't always mean that you need to give them a space in your heart, you can make a space for them. So when they leave, you wouldn't feel like the a useless earring who lost its pair, but rather the ears who don't need these earrings anyway.

Are there any particular relationship tips or advice you want us to write about? Let us know in the comments below. We always love hearing from you!

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About the author
Melissa Francine Quinal
Candymag.com Correspondent
Your socially relevant girl next door.
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Winning Heart

The journey of how I won people’s hearts by having a winning heart

Whatever happens tonight, I am a winner. That was the last line I delivered in front of the roaring crowd. My knees were trembling and my smile was shaking. I wanted to radiate confidence but I knew inside me were whirling storms of uncertainty. I wasn’t sure how to carry on for the rest of the night, it was only the first hour and my soul was already exhausted. I stood in front of an unfamiliar sea of people, I felt uncomfortable as they fixed their glances on me. The stage was bright and flashy as my co-contestants glazed the platform with outstanding physique and beauty. I couldn’t look straight at them because every time I did, a bucketful of insecurity was being poured on me. The whole pageant took about a few hours but it felt like eternity to me. I repeatedly asked myself questions every single time I stood on that platform. My vision was impaired by the blinding spotlights and all I could hear were the deafening roar of the audience combined with the booming music of the event. My head was filled with questions like “why are you here?”, “Will you be okay?” What will others think of you?” “What if you fail?”. Every step was heavier as I continued to overthink.

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For a moment on stage, I felt like I was floating. I was staring blankly at the end of the gymnasium. I was awakened by the loud cheer from the front row, I fixed my glance and saw large letters A-B-Y. it was like a snap to reality, I realized that’s my name. This time I could hear the synchronized cheers of people screaming my name. I smiled, walked away from the spotlight as I whispered to myself “let’s do this”. As the curtains opened, I walked towards the stage I felt lighter and different from the person a while ago. Walking was much easier and my knees weren’t trembling any longer. I stood at the edge of the stage, wandered my glance, and smiled genuinely. Flashing those pearly whites took barrels of longtime stored courage from within me. I marveled at how I could see the rainbow in the lights, the spotlights weren’t blinding anymore.

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My feet started stomping to the music every time I pose and my hips would flawlessly sway to the music. The roar of the audience was overwhelming no more, it was like whispers lost in the beat of the music. I knew as I stood there, all I needed to do was smile and be myself. My name was called accompanied by the thunderous applause and booming cheers of the crowd. I stood there alongside with other contestants. I was holding a bouquet and a trophy. I could feel the heavy crown on top of my head. However, the trophy beside me was much bigger, the lady beside me wore an even flashier crown, it was the crown of the titleholder. That night I landed the first runner-up spot. My head was filled with “what ifs”. What if I did just a little better, what if I exerted more effort and so on.

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As I stepped down on stage, several people rushed to me. They were jumping, screaming and clapping. It was so chaotic that it took me a millennium to recognize them, it was my family. They were hugging me from all directions. When I saw their smiles I knew I did great. I realized that was what I meant when I said “whatever happens tonight I am a winner”. Their presence, genuine smiles, and warm hugs meant more than the trophy and sash that night. For them, I was a star who shined through the darkness of the night. Before leaving the venue, a hand tapped me from behind “Congrats,” she whispered I turned to see her, and to my surprise she was a schoolmate who used to tease me because of my chubby physique.

I smiled as I expressed my gratitude towards her. As I walked away, I realized that I accomplished something legendary that night. I was able to showcase that pageants are not only for thin-looking, tall people. I managed to snatch everyone’s attention with this average height and chubby body. That night started with so much uncertainty and insecurity. As I stared at my reflection, I looked exhausted but I was wearing a different smile. A smile of victory and bravery. A smile that defeated the stereotypes and stigma about people like me. That night ended with a realization that maybe winning isn’t always about winning the crown, it’s about winning people’s hearts and having a winning heart.

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Nicole Caluag A day ago

5 Mystery-Thriller Novels to Read

If you’re stuck at home and out of Netflix shows to binge-watch, then you might want to try and read these mystery-thriller books to match your homemade Dalgona Coffee.

1. The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides

The debut novel, and Goodreads Choice Awards Best Mystery & Thriller of 2019, follows Alicia Berenson, a well-known painter married to an esteemed fashion photographer. Life seemed perfect for Alicia, until one evening when she shot her husband five times, and… never spoke again.

2. Lock Every Door by Riley Sager

From the author of Final Girls comes this page turning novel about an infamous building in Manhattan called the Bartholomew. After stumbling upon an ad to become an apartment sitter, Jules Larsen has set out to look after apartment 12A under strict and somewhat odd conditions. Not long after stepping foot in the building, Jules has been met with unfriendly tenants, eerie noises in the apartment unit, and an abrupt departure of a fellow sitter named Ingrid.

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3. The Sun Down Motel by Simone St. James

If you loved Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho or David Lynch’s Twin Peaks, then this book is for you. After the disappearance of her Aunt Vivian while working as a night-shift clerk at the Sun Down Motel in 1982, Carly has set off to Fell NY, to work the same job at the same place as her Aunt had 35 years ago – with hopes of uncovering the truth lurking behind the Motel walls.

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4. Verity by Colleen Hoover

While known for Young-Adult Novels such as Slammed and Maybe Someday, Colleen Hoover offers readers a romantic thriller about Lowen Ashleigh, a struggling author who was given the opportunity to finish the three remaining novels of a successful series after its original author, Verity Crawford, suffered an accident and has become immobile. After receiving an invite at the Crawford manor to sort through Verity’s notes, Lowen discovers an unpublished autobiography revealing the truth about Verity. With the eerie atmosphere of having Verity confined in her own home, and who is seemingly aware of her surroundings, Lowen is certain Verity is not what she appears to be.

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5. Dark Matter by Blake Crouch

A mind-bending science fiction thriller from the best-selling author of Wayward Pines – Dark Matter is packed with the concept of the Multiverse and the philosophy of existentialism. The novel follows an ordinary Physics professor, Jason Dessen, who was looking forward to dinner with his family while walking the streets of Chicago. The next thing he knew, he was being held at gunpoint – by a man wearing a mask – and injected with an unknown drug and blacks out. When he regains consciousness, he learns that the world he woke up to was different from the world he knew.

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