Guys

15 Embarrassing Torpe Moments

Still wondering why guys are so torpe these days? These humiliating escapades might give you a clue!
compiled by Raleigh Guzman and Ivy Tan * illustrations by Ben Deluyas
  1. Harana Horror
    I wanted to make my crush feel special on Valentine's Day so I asked my barkada to help me give her a grand harana. We sang a sweet song in front of her house, and afterwards, I asked her to spend the day with me with sweeping hand gestures. All of a sudden, my friend nudged me from behind and pointed out that my shirt's armpits were soaked with sweat! So much for a grand finale. —Noel, 19

  2. Triple Threat
    I spotted my crush at the mall while I was buying some CDs for my sister. I approached her and said, "Hey, are you free next Saturday? I would really like to watch The Last Song with you." Wrong move! Suddenly, her three older brothers surrounded us and started grilling me non-stop! —Jay, 14

  3. Back-fired
    I was planning to surprise my crush by visiting her house and inviting her to the mall. I parked in front of her house and noticed that the passenger seat was very messy, so I began fixing it. When I turned around, my crush and her mom were standing right behind me, giving me strange looks. I was so surprised that I fell backwards into the seat! They couldn't stop laughing at my reaction. —RJ, 18

  4. The Slip
    I was about to ask my long-time crush on a date, but as I was walking towards her, I slipped on a puddle of juice! Good thing she was nice enough to help me get up and even offered to escort me to the clinic. Am I lucky or what? —Rainier, 15

  5. Stu-Stutter-O-Rama
    During our Christmas dance, I saw my crush buying some drinks. I approached her and as I was gathering the courage to ask her to dance, I turned pale and stuttered so bad she thought I was drunk! —George, 16

  6. Kill Bill
    I am one of the batch's certified torpe guys. Trying to be more courageous, I wrote a love letter to my crush and attached a prom invite. I left the letter on her seat and discovered at the last minute that it wasn't her chair, but her seatmate, Bill's! Worse, he decided to read my letter in front of the class. Good thing my crush was really nice. She was okay with the whole incident and agreed to be my prom date. —Trevor, 16

  7. Dry Run
    I was about to ask my crush out for lunch, but I got so nervous that I hid in one of the classrooms and began practicing my spiel. I was so shocked when someone beside me suddenly coughed. It was my crush and she heard everything! I didn't notice that she followed me inside the classroom 'cause I dropped my ID. —Robert, 17

  8. Mobile Mishap
    My crush and I are constant text mates. Sometimes, when she runs out of cell phone credit, she uses her dad's phone to text me. One day, I sent her a message to invite her out on a date, but I accidentally sent it to her dad's number! I thought it was the end of me, but I sighed in relief after he replied, "Okay, but be sure to take her home before 6 pm." -Brian, 18

  9. Dented Pride
    I felt good driving my crush to the mall on our first date. I was confident nothing would go wrong—until I heard a loud crash behind as I was parking the car!  Turns out, I rammed into a post and it left a big dent on my car!  Not only did I embarrass myself in front of her, I was also grounded! Talk about bad luck. —Justin, 18

  10. When Puberty Hits
    I was too scared to ask this girl out in person so I decided to call her to ask if she wanted to hang out.  As I was saying, "Do you want to catch Kick-Ass tomorrow?" my voice suddenly cracked! She tried so badly to stifle her laughter because my voice got really high, but I could still hear her laughing. —Mark, 17

  11. Sound Off
    I was casually asking this girl out to dinner one day when I let out a loud fart! I guess she was really grossed out by this because she turned me down. -Mike, 19

  12. Laugh Trip
    I was going to ask this girl out while our barkadas were hanging out. As I was drinking a Coke, my friend told a hilarious joke. I couldn't contain my laughter and my drink spewed from my nose and landed in a messy puddle on the table! The worst part is that it even had some food particles swimming in it! I couldn't look my crush in the eye after that. —Jan, 19

  13. Scream of Terror
    A girl and I were eating at this posh restaurant when a waiter knocked over my glass of water and I involuntarily shrieked. After our dinner, she asked me, "Are you gay?" I couldn't believe it! I told her that I wasn't. As for the shriek, I explained that I just wasn't 100% masculine. Good thing she just laughed the whole thing off. —Alex, 17

  14. Prayers Answered
    I was asking a girl out to dinner when a big slimy praying mantis jumped on her shoulder. I'm terribly afraid of insects, so I ended up screaming like a girl! Luckily, she found it so hilarious that she agreed to go out with me! —Jan-Jan, 20

  15. Puppy Love
    While strolling in the park with my puppy, I got the surprise of my life when I saw my crush there too! I invited her to join me and she agreed. As I was asking her if she wanted to go out with me, my dog ruined everything by pooping on her shoe! —Rico, 19
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To the Person Who Does Not Know Any 1D Song

By: CJ Reyno

Never in my wildest dream I imagined to meet someone who does not know a single One Direction song or who does not even know, Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Liam Payne, Niall Horan, and err… Zayn Malik. How did you spend your teenagehood without listening to their songs? The disrespect to my #StyPayHorLikSon. My initial reaction, Vas Happenin’?

Since I was 12 years old, that was way back on 2012, One Direction songs have been my official life soundtrip, my go-to songs whenever I feel happy, sad, mad, excited, and etch. I can still remember how people went crazy just to attend their concert here in the Philippines. I must admit, I was one of those. LOL. The group was also dubbed as, “The Biggest Boyband in the World”. They were an era. You really left me in awe when you told me that you do not know a single One Direction song. Their songs are gold. But I was a little hopeful when a new messaged popped up on our conversation, “Hey I know one, Make You Beautiful”.

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You do not know how my world collapsed after reading your message. I would like to say that I appreciate the effort, thanks, but they do not have a song entitled, Make You Beautiful, because it is, What Makes You Beautiful. I tried to explain but you said that they are just the same. (Tip: Never fight with a Directioner when it comes to this because we will not let our guards down). No! They are not the same. How can you make this big mistake? LOL. What Makes You Beautiful is One Direction’s debut song. Almost everyone knows this, “you’re insecure, don’t know what for,” ring a bell? The music video of this surpassed 1 billion views on Youtube. On my 21 years of existence, you are the very first person who told me this “I-Thought-It-Was-A-Joke-But-You-Are-Serious” statement.

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As a persuasive fangirl, I thought to myself that I should make you appreciate their music, that you should know that it is What Makes You Beautiful, not Make You Beautiful. The group may be in hiatus but their music is and will always remain superior. You are hard-headed lad. We even when to the point where you challenged me to treat so I can make you watch their music video. Am I even surprised that I agreed to this? HAHA. I feel like an agent trying to persuade her customer to buy a property on our company. You do not know how happy I was when you sent me your video listening to What Makes You Beautiful. I felt like I successfully closed a deal with my client. Not to exaggerate but I really jumped because of happiness after watching your video. It was the first message I checked that morning. Thank you for your effort, so much appreciated. Funny how our conversation starts with your innocence on One Direction until it goes deeper and last longer. Up All Nigh conversations which turned to almost Midnight Memories. Ironic how a Directioner had developed an admiration on someone who dislikes her favorite boys? Just like One Direction’s song, Change My Mind, “Never felt like this before. Are we friends or are we more?” I guess, like Liam’s line on Love You Goodbye, “It's inevitable everything that's good comes to an end. It's impossible to know if after this we can still be friends.”

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I was happy that I made you listen to One Direction. At least I made you appreciate and made you aware that there is a song called, What Makes You Beautiful, not Make You Beautiful. I am happy that you already found your Girl Almighty. Wish me luck on finding my Summer Love. xoxo, Your Directioner friend

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