Throughout the years, our moms have been occasionally dropping truth bombs in car rides home, after-school dinner dates, and in the quick moments in dressing rooms. We tend to forget that our mothers went through everything we're going through right now: Crushes, feelings and other mind-numbing things. It is with great pleasure that I share with you 14 li'l nuggets of wisdom that mine has shared with me:
1 The ideal guy isn't actually the right one.
Whether we'd like to admit it or not, we all have this mental image tucked away in the depths of our brain of what constitutes as the perfect guy: Most likely the lovechild of the three most perfect Chris-es in this world—with the looks of Evans, the charm and humor of Pratt, and of course, the godlike features of Hemsworth, onscreen or offscreen. And even if this person (or demigod) might exist in the far far future, if he doesn't make you feel butterflies in your stomach and makes your face light up when you see him, it's not love.
2 Love calls for logic.
Life is not one, big romantic comedy. Believe me when I say I wish it was. Your heart can be wrong, trust me, and so can your brain. Never let your heart take over your whole body and end up doing something rash. You cannot always act based on a feeling. It's a two-way street. Listen to what your heart is saying but also to what your brain is telling you too.
3 It's okay to do stupid things in love.
I feel like doing stupid things is like a rite of passage when you fall in love. If you've never done anything stupid for someone else, you've never been in love.
4 Never underestimate the power of friendship as a foundation for a relationship.
Common interests are and will always be important. If you can't talk to him about a) chicken wings, b) puppies, or c) some misconstrued theory about the universe at 2AM, then I highly suggest you rethink things.
5 You'll never know what you like until you try it.
You can't claim to hate something you've never actually experienced. It's not good to always look for this one thing in a person. I mean, who knows? You might find yourself in a relationship with the complete opposite of what you were originally looking for.
6 Trust your gut.
I cannot stress this enough—first impressions may not always be true but they do say a lot.
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7 There is no written rule about what kind of person you will fall in love with.
When we reach the age wherein we start having crushes, we're never really given a guidebook of what our "type" looks like. You don't always fall in love with the musician or the athlete. As we change, our "type" changes too.
8 Don't hold on to the hurt.
When you hold on to your anger, you're still giving that person power over you. It may take weeks, months or years even to let go, but you'll get there.
9 Your soulmate will not always be your partner.
Fall in love with your career, with your friends, or your dog. To your surprise, you might see that they can be your soulmates too.
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10 Trust comes with love.
These two do not come separately. You can't be in a relationship with a person you don't trust. It just won't work out.
11 Don't put anyone on a high pedestal.
When you develop feelings for someone, you tend to construct this grand idea of that person that's not necessarily true to life. It's not healthy to do that. And once you see yourself that he's not that great, or kind, or whatever else you thought he was, you're left with nothing but disappointment.
12 The way he treats other people is a reflection of what kind of person he really is.
Listen to your mother when she says that it's important how he treats the waiter or the elderly. It really is. You wouldn't want to be with a person who's only ever nice to you. That, my friends, is deception.
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13 Never shrink yourself for someone else.
There's this preconceived notion that women often dumb themselves down in order for men not to feel so bad. Who benefits from this, really? If you have something to say, say it. If you feel like you're on opposite sides of a political argument, then defend your point. If you're an expert on astrophysics, then bore him with a lecture on celestial bodies over dinner. You are who you are, and you shouldn't have to change that, especially for the right person.
14 Nothing lasts forever.
Out of all the nuggets of wisdom my mom has imparted to me, this just might be my favorite one. Nothing in this world lasts forever—not even your heartbreak, your hurt or your unparalleled love for whichever cute barista is at your nearest Starbucks. Sooner or later, we all move on to greener pastures and I think that’s beautiful. Plus, just look at One Direction. Oops, too soon? Probably too soon. Okay, maybe that heartbreak will last forever.
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What lessons have you learned from your moms, Candy Girls? Share them with us in the comments or via Twitter @candymagdotcom.