Guys

14 Love Lessons We Learned from Our Moms

Aside from flawlessly balancing the struggles of work, home and whatever time left for their personal lives, our mothers are secretly love gurus too.
ART Trixie Ison, PHOTO Universal Studios

Throughout the years, our moms have been occasionally dropping truth bombs in car rides home, after-school dinner dates, and in the quick moments in dressing rooms. We tend to forget that our mothers went through everything we're going through right now: Crushes, feelings and other mind-numbing things. It is with great pleasure that I share with you 14 li'l nuggets of wisdom that mine has shared with me:

 1  The ideal guy isn't actually the right one.

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Whether we'd like to admit it or not, we all have this mental image tucked away in the depths of our brain of what constitutes as the perfect guy: Most likely the lovechild of the three most perfect Chris-es in this world—with the looks of Evans, the charm and humor of Pratt, and of course, the godlike features of Hemsworth, onscreen or offscreen. And even if this person (or demigod) might exist in the far far future, if he doesn't make you feel butterflies in your stomach and makes your face light up when you see him, it's not love.

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 2  Love calls for logic.

Life is not one, big romantic comedy. Believe me when I say I wish it was. Your heart can be wrong, trust me, and so can your brain. Never let your heart take over your whole body and end up doing something rash.  You cannot always act based on a feeling. It's a two-way street. Listen to what your heart is saying but also to what your brain is telling you too.

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 3  It's okay to do stupid things in love.

I feel like doing stupid things is like a rite of passage when you fall in love. If you've never done anything stupid for someone else, you've never been in love.

READ10 Reasons Why Moms Are The Best

 4  Never underestimate the power of friendship as a foundation for a relationship.

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Common interests are and will always be important. If you can't talk to him about a) chicken wings, b) puppies, or c) some misconstrued theory about the universe at 2AM, then I highly suggest you rethink things.

 5  You'll never know what you like until you try it.

You can't claim to hate something you've never actually experienced. It's not good to always look for this one thing in a person. I mean, who knows? You might find yourself in a relationship with the complete opposite of what you were originally looking for.

 6  Trust your gut.

I cannot stress this enough—first impressions may not always be true but they do say a lot.

READ#PrayForMamaSwift: Fans Tweet Their Support For Taylor Swift's Mom After Her Announcement

 7  There is no written rule about what kind of person you will fall in love with.

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When we reach the age wherein we start having crushes, we're never really given a guidebook of what our "type" looks like. You don't always fall in love with the musician or the athlete. As we change, our "type" changes too.

 8  Don't hold on to the hurt.

When you hold on to your anger, you're still giving that person power over you. It may take weeks, months or years even to let go, but you'll get there.

 9  Your soulmate will not always be your partner.

Fall in love with your career, with your friends, or your dog. To your surprise, you might see that they can be your soulmates too.

READ5 Love Lessons from the Mother on How I Met Your Mother

 10  Trust comes with love.

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These two do not come separately. You can't be in a relationship with a person you don't trust. It just won't work out.

 11  Don't put anyone on a high pedestal.

When you develop feelings for someone, you tend to construct this grand idea of that person that's not necessarily true to life. It's not healthy to do that. And once you see yourself that he's not that great, or kind, or whatever else you thought he was, you're left with nothing but disappointment.

 12  The way he treats other people is a reflection of what kind of person he really is.

Listen to your mother when she says that it's important how he treats the waiter or the elderly. It really is. You wouldn't want to be with a person who's only ever nice to you. That, my friends, is deception. 

READMissing My Mommy

 13  Never shrink yourself for someone else.

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There's this preconceived notion that women often dumb themselves down in order for men not to feel so bad. Who benefits from this, really? If you have something to say, say it. If you feel like you're on opposite sides of a political argument, then defend your point. If you're an expert on astrophysics, then bore him with a lecture on celestial bodies over dinner. You are who you are, and you shouldn't have to change that, especially for the right person.

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 14  Nothing lasts forever.

Out of all the nuggets of wisdom my mom has imparted to me, this just might be my favorite one. Nothing in this world lasts forever—not even your heartbreak, your hurt or your unparalleled love for whichever cute barista is at your nearest Starbucks. Sooner or later, we all move on to greener pastures and I think that’s beautiful. Plus, just look at One Direction. Oops, too soon? Probably too soon. Okay, maybe that heartbreak will last forever.

READI Was A Teenage Mommy

What lessons have you learned from your moms, Candy Girls? Share them with us in the comments or via Twitter @candymagdotcom. 

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Julianne Suazo
Candymag.com Correspondent
What makes me a certified Candy girl is my desire and eagerness to present myself as me, but better.
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Katherine Go 6 hours ago

Cold Food

The most thrilling and delightful moment of any school day is opening up your baon during breaks. There is always so much excitement in unveiling your homemade meal and snacks housed inside matching heat-insulating containers. Because preparing packed meals is an age-old tradition of showing parental love, loved ones pour effort into curating a nutritious meal accompanied by a selection of side dishes, desserts, and beverages daily; it reminds us that we are being taken care of, even from far away.

Baon plays a significant role in a Filipino childhood. Almost every Filipino child comes to school with baon made especially for them by their parents or household helpers. Even Filipinos in the labor force continue to bring baon for varying reasons: to save money, recycle leftovers, cater to personal taste, or attend to special needs. Nonetheless, eating your baon is a heart-warming experience that allows Filipinos to bring a piece of home along with them wherever they go.

Even other cultures practice making packed lunch. In Japan, mothers create bento--Japanese meals in partitioned boxes. Because of the popularity of bento, trends have emerged, such as the Kyaraben, or character-themed bento. Naturally, Japanese parents and students began competing for who had the cutest and tastiest bento, and this is similar to what I have witnessed in my own childhood. I remember seeing my classmates sharing their snacks and lunches. They would compare and boast about their parents' or yayas’ cooking. In my case, I never had the chance to join in the competition or indulge in homemade cooking. Up until this day, I have never brought any baon to school.

For a long time, I envied others. As trivial or petty as it may seem, not having baon became a problem for my grade school self. During that time, I had to sit in a separate cafeteria away from my friends because the kids who bought food were assigned to sit elsewhere. You could consider me spoiled, but I wanted to experience something most kids did. I had food at home, so what made it so hard to bring some with me to school?

Now that I am on my final year in high school I have come to realize the benefits of purchasing my own food. Since I spent on food everyday, I learned to budget my allowance at a young age. Over the years, I learned to practice self-control whenever I wanted to eat more greasy fries and drink sweetened beverages. I have tasted the strangest viands at the school cafeterias, and I have repeatedly satiated myself over my latest delicious discoveries. Despite the struggles, I am thankful that I have never had baon because of what I have learned. Not to mention, I never had to experience eating cold food.

Choosing between dreams and practicality is never easy. My CETs season just ended with the release of the UPCAT results. Anxious as I logged on the website, I started to think about what would happen if I didn't pass UP. Ever since I was six years old, I fixated on the idea that I will become an iska, serving the country and studying at my dream school, which is UP. I strived and studied hard for the UPCAT, sacrificing a lot of things like hang-outs and gala weekends for reviews.

Throughout my CETs journey, I started seeing myself studying only in UP, and while there were no results yet, my friends and I already started planning our lives around the fact that we're gonna study in UP. It was a big deal for me, my friends and my family that I get the chance to study in UP since it's so far from my hometown which is Benguet, and better yet, it's a very well known university.

January 2020 came and universities started releasing CETs results. I was expecting my DCAT and ACET results that month. I passed DCAT but brushed it off because even though I liked the school, I never really saw myself studying there. Same thoughts with Ateneo, since it never really crossed my mind that I might study in ADMU. In fact, Ateneo was never really a choice for me, I only took it just to have another choice in case I failed the UPCAT. I also applied for financial aid not because I was really planning on studying there, but more of "para lang sure na may college ako". I know it's a bad thing but they were just my back-up schools because my main goal was really UP.

One Friday afternoon, ACET results came out. I passed, managed to get a scholarship, and in that moment, my plans just started to crumble.

Seeing that I got a 100% tuition and fees discount, free dorm fees, and an additional book allowance got me into considering studying to Ateneo. Suddenly, I got torn between UP, my dream school, and Ateneo, which offers so much more.

As the months passed, and after talking to my parents, my plans and decisions got more jumbled and messy. I still wanted to go to UP even if there were no results yet but Ateneo offering so much would mean a lesser burden to my parents in terms of finances.

Even though my parents told me that they'll support me no matter where I choose to go, the practicality that Ateneo offers in terms of finances was not an easy thing to waive. Sometimes I would laugh at the fact that I'd spend less on a private school than on a state university. Talking to my friends helped somehow, but they also have various opinions about the two universities. I managed to tell myself to hold off the problem until UPCAT results get released, and so I did.

UP released the UPCAT results and seeing that I passed made me scream and cry, literally. At that moment, all I was thinking was that I passed my dream school and I'm officially a QC college student.

My parents were so proud of me even though they got scared because I screamed, but ultimately, they were happy for me. The next day, I sat down, stared at my UPCAT and ACET results, and told myself that I needed to decide. This was the hardest part. I tried deciding using the pros and cons method but it didn't really work. Talking to my parents also didn't help because they'd support me either way, so their judgement was not a factor at all. I also had the same course in both schools so that wasn't a big help. I was 99% close to letting go of my dream university and decide to go to Ateneo.

I weighed options and Ateneo was the cheaper and more practical option. I also started to see myself studying as a blue eagle, roaming around the campus etc. And financially, I didn't need to worry much except for food. At that point, I started to really like the idea of going to Ateneo more than studying in UP. But then, as the weeks went by, the Ateneo Plan started to lose my interest.

I realized that studying in Ateneo would be a great opportunity, but not something that will really make me happy. The finances and all would be so much better but I wouldn't be happy and content, and I felt that Ateneo couldn't give me everything that I wanted and needed. Then a light bulb lit up.

As I was imagining myself at UP, I ultimately felt that happiness and content that I didn't feel with Ateneo. I realized that, if I didn't study in UP, I know later in my life, I would regret it. I would regret not choosing my dream university because I didn't choose what would make me happy.

In short, I chose my dream over practicality. I know that I would be successful in both tracks, but I simply chose my dream because it is where I'm happier and more content. Besides, we can make our dreams practical but not all the time can the practical choice equate to our dreams. So to those having a hard time choosing between dreams and practicality, weigh it out and always remember to put yourself and your happiness first. And of course, choose the choice that you know you'll not regret later on.

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