14 Love Lessons We Learned from Our Moms
Throughout the years, our moms have been occasionally dropping truth bombs in car rides home, after-school dinner dates, and in the quick moments in dressing rooms. We tend to forget that our mothers went through everything we're going through right now: Crushes, feelings and other mind-numbing things. It is with great pleasure that I share with you 14 li'l nuggets of wisdom that mine has shared with me:
1 The ideal guy isn't actually the right one.
Whether we'd like to admit it or not, we all have this mental image tucked away in the depths of our brain of what constitutes as the perfect guy: Most likely the lovechild of the three most perfect Chris-es in this world—with the looks of Evans, the charm and humor of Pratt, and of course, the godlike features of Hemsworth, onscreen or offscreen. And even if this person (or demigod) might exist in the far far future, if he doesn't make you feel butterflies in your stomach and makes your face light up when you see him, it's not love.
2 Love calls for logic.
Life is not one, big romantic comedy. Believe me when I say I wish it was. Your heart can be wrong, trust me, and so can your brain. Never let your heart take over your whole body and end up doing something rash. You cannot always act based on a feeling. It's a two-way street. Listen to what your heart is saying but also to what your brain is telling you too.
3 It's okay to do stupid things in love.
I feel like doing stupid things is like a rite of passage when you fall in love. If you've never done anything stupid for someone else, you've never been in love.
4 Never underestimate the power of friendship as a foundation for a relationship.
Common interests are and will always be important. If you can't talk to him about a) chicken wings, b) puppies, or c) some misconstrued theory about the universe at 2AM, then I highly suggest you rethink things.
5 You'll never know what you like until you try it.
You can't claim to hate something you've never actually experienced. It's not good to always look for this one thing in a person. I mean, who knows? You might find yourself in a relationship with the complete opposite of what you were originally looking for.
6 Trust your gut.
I cannot stress this enough—first impressions may not always be true but they do say a lot.
7 There is no written rule about what kind of person you will fall in love with.
When we reach the age wherein we start having crushes, we're never really given a guidebook of what our "type" looks like. You don't always fall in love with the musician or the athlete. As we change, our "type" changes too.
8 Don't hold on to the hurt.
When you hold on to your anger, you're still giving that person power over you. It may take weeks, months or years even to let go, but you'll get there.
9 Your soulmate will not always be your partner.
Fall in love with your career, with your friends, or your dog. To your surprise, you might see that they can be your soulmates too.
10 Trust comes with love.
These two do not come separately. You can't be in a relationship with a person you don't trust. It just won't work out.
11 Don't put anyone on a high pedestal.
When you develop feelings for someone, you tend to construct this grand idea of that person that's not necessarily true to life. It's not healthy to do that. And once you see yourself that he's not that great, or kind, or whatever else you thought he was, you're left with nothing but disappointment.
12 The way he treats other people is a reflection of what kind of person he really is.
Listen to your mother when she says that it's important how he treats the waiter or the elderly. It really is. You wouldn't want to be with a person who's only ever nice to you. That, my friends, is deception.
READ: Missing My Mommy
13 Never shrink yourself for someone else.
There's this preconceived notion that women often dumb themselves down in order for men not to feel so bad. Who benefits from this, really? If you have something to say, say it. If you feel like you're on opposite sides of a political argument, then defend your point. If you're an expert on astrophysics, then bore him with a lecture on celestial bodies over dinner. You are who you are, and you shouldn't have to change that, especially for the right person.
14 Nothing lasts forever.
Out of all the nuggets of wisdom my mom has imparted to me, this just might be my favorite one. Nothing in this world lasts forever—not even your heartbreak, your hurt or your unparalleled love for whichever cute barista is at your nearest Starbucks. Sooner or later, we all move on to greener pastures and I think that’s beautiful. Plus, just look at One Direction. Oops, too soon? Probably too soon. Okay, maybe that heartbreak will last forever.
READ: I Was A Teenage Mommy
What lessons have you learned from your moms, Candy Girls? Share them with us in the comments or via Twitter @candymagdotcom.
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Today, I am sharing my mother's story. I wish my mother was a constant in my life, like an angel who guards you to sleep and comes right there when you called. But angels come back home too, in heaven where they always belonged, and my mother went back a little early. My mother died when I was 13 years old. My last memory of my mother: Letting go when you are not yet ready is a very cruel thing that one has to ever experience. It is a sudden wave of total sadness and desperation crashing into your very core.
On the 28th of July 2013, we went to a resort in Bataan for the employees’ getaway. My parents own a 7-11 franchise, and it had always been a tradition to give their store clerks a get-together every year. I remember very well the last breakfast I had with my mother. The Sunday morning sky was clear and sunny, and the sea was calm and tranquil as we ate our breakfast on a cottage under the tall palm trees. She shared with us a strange dream she had the other night. She dreamt about an unknown woman holding an ice pick chasing her down on a dimly lit street, then she woke up just before the woman could grab her arm. We never knew what that dream exactly meant and now, I wished I never knew its meaning. After breakfast, my family and our employees decided to take a swim at the beach. The day was nice. The morning air may be chilly but the sun’s kiss on our skins gave us warmth. It was perfect. Everything is fine and the tides are low which made it very enjoyable to swim. We swam a little farther from the shore and we stopped to the point where the water reached our shoulders. We were talking about the good things in life and reminiscing the good old days. Those are the things that I’ve always loved about my family because I never had a meaningless conversation with them.
A few moments later, we heard a panicking call for help from one of our store clerks. It was Rachel. She was struggling to keep her head above water. She was already drowning but the odd thing was, she was only a few feet away from us. At first, we thought she was just playing around until we felt the sand in our toes dissolving like powder. It felt like as if the seafloor submerged deeper. I remembered sighting the shore and it seemed so close yet very far away. We were all panicking at that time. No one knew how to swim except my mother so without having second thoughts she swam towards Rachel and called out to my father, “Yung mga anak mo! Dalhin mo sa pampang yung mga anak mo!” and I never thought I already heard my mother’s last words to my father. I was paddling like a dog, gasping for air, as I say a little prayer to God to take us all back to safety. I felt my father grabbing our swimsuits, trying to lift our bodies so we can breathe even though he was also struggling to keep himself alive. Once I felt my toes touch the ground, there came a veil of relief that covered my whole body. As soon as my father and my sister made it to the shore we started calling out for help. There were no lifeguards on duty at that time, no personnel, nor guards. I saw my mother already floating in her stomach. We sighted a boat sailing nearby, we waved our hands and called for their attention. They almost ignored us because they cannot comprehend what we were trying to relay but the good thing was a passenger in the boat noticed my mother and Rachel in the water.
My mother’s body was laid on the shore. She was unconscious and her whole body was pale as white. My father performed CPR but my mother couldn’t get the water come out of her mouth because the food she ate earlier got stuck in her throat and blocked the passage. A concerned tourist offered his car to deliver my mom in a nearby health center or a clinic of some sort since the hospital was miles away from the beach and she needs immediate care. My father told us to stay in the hotel room and prepare mom’s belongings so that if she wakes up she has fresh clothes to change into. My sister and I finished packing our things and waited for our father to pick us up from the hotel. I was crying and I couldn’t stop myself because I was afraid to lose my mother. I couldn’t imagine what my life would be if I lose her that day. Moments lasted until we heard a knock on the door and it was my father, crying, and apologizing to us. He hugged me and my sister tightly and saying, “Sorry, anak, sorry hindi na uuwi si mommy, sorry hindi ko nasagip si mommy”. And that was the moment I felt sinking into the ground. I never knew what to feel at first. I was numb because my worries were now actually a reality that I have to live in. I was at shock because I am now one of the kids in those cliche teleseryes who lost a mother at an early age. We went to the health center to settle everything. The clinic was very small and it sure did lack equipment. He told us to stay in the car. I wanted to see my mom, but I know he never wanted us to see her like that. I didn’t know what to feel. I was having high anxiety levels that my stomach is churning and I wanted to vomit. I got off the car and entered the health center to find the restroom. When I was finding my way around, I passed by the emergency room. I saw my mother lying in a foldable bed, lifeless, her hands dangling from the side of the bed, she has violet bruises on her skin, and her body was partially covered with a white towel.
That is when it sunk into me that she’s dead and never coming back. My father asked the others to just commute back to Manila because what we need right now is comfort from our family. The drive back home was one of the most painful memory I had as a kid. My father was in the steering wheel crying his eyes out. We drove from Bataan to Pampanga. We went home to my grandmother’s house, the nearest house that we can call “home” because how are we still going to be “home” without her?
Once we reached Pampanga, we stopped over to the gas station and my father made some calls to our loved ones to tell them that my mother passed away. He then called my aunt to help him arrange for the funeral. We got home and my grandmother hugged us and told us to get some rest. Already tired of crying, I went to sleep for a while. I woke up and for a second, I thought everything that happened the other day was all just a dream. That she was there in Manila, sitting on the couch reading some furniture magazine, waiting for us to go home. But that’s how cruel life is, right? I got up and weirdly, I felt sands in the bed. It was gray, just like the ones on the beach. I thought maybe it was just dirt but it was a fair amount to believe that maybe she visited us before she left. - ?
- The part of how I conquered the grief of her passing is shared in my personal blog. I felt the need to share my story with everyone since she's the woman I look up to. Feel free to visit my personal blog too when you have the time. I love writing my stories. Thank You! link: http://qkathreece.wixsite.com/kathreecequizon/post/breaking-waves
Hello! Sharing my first story in Wattpad!
TITLE: Whisper to the Stars AUTHOR: https://www.wattpad.com/user/withniji
GENRE: Teen Fiction/Romance STORY LINK: https://my.w.tt/Y3HeLPe9K7
Description: Ingrid Gianna "Gigi", a breadwinner of her family, has kept her feelings hidden for Hayme, her long time high school crush, because she has too much responsibilities in life; believing that she has no time for love. But, no matter how hard she tries to suppressed it for years, fate always finds its way....like it was already written in the stars.