Why You Should Strive To Be Yourself Instead Of Being 'Perfect'
How many times have you questioned yourself and your achievements? Compared yourself to others and thought that you weren't good enough?
You're not alone. In fact, self-doubt is an ongoing issue among women no matter what stage they are in life, and it's the flawed belief that you're only worth something if you "have it all" that has continued to propagate it.
In a Psychology Today interview by psychologist Seth J. Gillihan, licensed professional counselor and author Megan MacCutcheon explains why this is so:
"I think there are just so many unrealistic standards out there. By nature we tend to make comparisons, so of course when a woman's comparing herself to what she sees in advertising or the media, she's going to wind up coming up short. She's going to feel like a failure. And if her self-esteem is already low, she's going to blame herself, and feel like she's the reason she isn't living up to this image of the perfect woman who never yells at the kids and has this high-powered job and does everything perfectly and balances the chores and the house work and all that. If you're not doing that, you're going to feel flawed and inadequate, and think it's about you, rather than recognizing that we're bombarded with some seriously flawed and unrealistic advertising."
She also noted that while there has been a great advancement in gender equality, some may be implementing it to the detriment of women.
"There's been such a push for gender equality, which is a great thing, but in some ways I think it sets women up for—maybe not failure, but certainly a ton of stress..." she said. "So sometimes this idea that women can be equal to men fails to highlight the fine print: Yes, they can be, but they will also need to find ways to make it all work..." There would be some people expecting women to "do it all" and still stick with traditional gender roles at home.
This is why it's important to highlight true equality—one wherein all genders participate in. In its statement for the upcoming Women's Month of March, the Philippine Commisson on Women acknowledged that there's still a lot of work to do, citing that unequal pay and excessive domestic work brought about by gender inequality are only two of the many things that women go through on a daily basis.
It's difficult to change systems, but you can start changing things within yourself, and that begins with trusting who you are. Instead of doubting the process, comparing yourself with others, and thinking that your achievements are meager (which are definitely not!), learn to respect your own journey. Most importantly, use your voice to talk about what you need and want. It's not easy, and it will definitely take time especially if your environment promotes traditional gender roles, but if you start from loving and valuing yourself, you've already made the first step towards a life that isn't perfect, but one that you deserve. And you'll be surprised—knowing your worth can tip the scales in your favor.
As the PCW stated: "Women are extraordinary in strength, passion, wisdom, vigor, and heart. They dare to break stereotypes that have long imprisoned them, battle discrimination head on, and survive every hurdle, only to emerge stronger. Women, from different backgrounds and places, strive to show that no, this is not just a man’s world; this is a world for everyone!"
International Women's Day is on March 8. For more information on your rights as a woman, visit the Philippine Commission on Women online.
This story originally appeared on Femalenetwork.com.
* Minor edits have been made by the Candymag.com editors.
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LIFE ADVICE YOU NEED TO HEAR WHILE YOURE STILL YOUNG
This blog is dedicated to all teens out there struggling in determining what they really want in their life or if you simply want a glow up. And since were still facing a pandemic, I think this is also a season where everyone is re-thinking about their lives. So, I hope these advices might help you.
Tip #1. TAKE RISK - since most of you are still young, I advice you to take your biggest risk. Whether it may be taking the course you want, a skill you want to acquire or just simply taking the risk to throw away your emotional baggage from your childhood. While you're still young, you have very little to lose. You dont have that much commitments and responsibilities. Because the older you get, the more responsibilities and obligations came. So when they are still not piling up, take the risk! As for me, the biggest risk I took when I was still a teenager is to CUT OFF TOXIC FAMILY TIES.
I may sound rude here but, yeah. I decided to throw away my emotional baggage from my traumatic childhood and cut off some of my family ties and it is completely okay! You dont have to be bothered by whatever they will say. Because at your age, you are already investing on your growth as a person. If you really want to grow, THERE IS NO PERFECT TIME FOR YOU TO TAKE RISK BUT NOW. Because in taking risk you are actually giving yourself a reward of getting something amazing or beyond what you expect you can have. As they say, the bigger the risk, the bigger the reward. Keep in mind that the bigger the risk, the bigger possibility of FAILURE. But that is completely OKAY. Because just like what I said earlier, you are still young. You dont have so much to lose so, dont be afraid to take the risk and then fail. But after failing, learn from it and the more courage you have to take risk the greater the learning, reward or happiness. Ito na nga, how to take risk nga ba? And what are the risk that would actually help me to grow? #
2: VOICE LESSON - dont get me wrong, hindi ito vocalization para sa pagkanta. What I mean is, learn to listen to that VOICE INSIDE YOU. Listen to your heart, to your intuition and to your visions because it will be your GUIDE. Because I realize that as you go along your journey of your life and if you really want to be YOURSELF and be successful in achieving your goals, the only GUIDE that you should follow is your OWN VOICE.
It is okay to take and consider other people's advices but at the end of the day,you should never forget to listen to your own voice. Because that voice is what tells you what you truly want. How would you know that if it is your 'own' voice? Your own voice always comes from your HEART. The voice where YOU and GOD'S voice are one. Because I firmly believe that God knows your heart and that is where he reside. I like journaling because whenever I journal my thought every night and every morning, I feel a dual voice inside my head. Like, it contradicts what the other voice is telling. For example: If we have dreams or goals that puts us so much weight and pressure to the point that it makes you exhausted, STOP. Because it might be a dream or goal of someone else. I believe that your own dreams and goals may be frustrating most of the time, but that frustration has fueling feeling that will always tell you that 'This is the hard way to better so keep going'. Frustration in your own dreams will not make you feel exhausted because achieving a dream itself is a fulfilling feeling.
#3. TAKE ACTION - if you really want something to happen, take action. Dont just sit there and wait things to come your way. Make action or decisions that will take you to where you want to go in your life. Just like what I said in one of my novels that I am writing in wattpad, "There is no such thing as destiny or fate. Because YOU make your OWN life choices." For example, I cannot expect to be a published author if I dont write any novels right? The bottomline here is, if you are not moving forward you are actually moving backward. And it is a sad thing. Life is full of situations where you will be put in the line whether you take courage or just stay where you are. Because GROWING needs consistency in moving forward. So if you dont have to enough courage to take action, your life will always stay the same or worse you will continuously shrink down.
#4. EXPAND YOUR HORIZONS - this means stretching your comfort zone. I watched an anime entitled "Black Clover" there is a captain there where he always tell his subordinates to surpass their limits right, here right now. Going out of our comfort zones are surely scary and uncomfortable. But you have to accept the fact that you cannot stay on the coast forever. You have to change, because the only thing that is constant in this world is change right? Go out of your comfort zones because LIMITS are just in the MIND. There are disabled people who are successful in their own careers. Because the lesson here is, if you hold back there will be no growth. Because GROWTH blooms in DISCOMFORT.
Last, #5. INVEST IN YOURSELF - especially now that you are still young, you should focus on investing on yourself more. Time is your bestfriend at this point of your life. You have so much time to discover things about yourself. I never regret buying and reading books that I never knew will help me later on in dealing life's challenges. You can use that time to read books, gain wisdom, or pick a new skill, improve your talent and learn from your experiences. Keep learning outside your home or your school. Because the real battlefield is OUTSIDE. What you learn in school will only help you in your career but your wisdom and experiences will help you in life or as a person. People who doesnt embrace growth will never succeed in their life. (This is a reflection blog from my 21st birthday last week. I hope you can feature this on your page and I hope it can help others as well. )
Hello! In need to boost these posts and tweets for our jeepney drivers ???? Kindly share + retweet and re-story so a lot of people can see. Thank you so much! Here are the links: FB: http://bit.ly/jeepadalafb Twitter: https://twitter.com/jemimahladezaaa/status/1277938147666456577?s=21'>https://twitter.com/jemimahladezaaa/status/1277938147666456577?s=21 https://twitter.com/jemimahladezaaa/status/1277938147666456577
Hello candy-peeps! I just wanted to share what i've been doing this long quarantine period. My father is from Pangasinan and so I grew up going there every year (usually during special occasions like Christmas, New Year, All Saints Day, etc). I've always loved their specialties yet I only get to taste it once or twice.
My father runs a GRAB business in which we have several drivers for it. Yet during this pandemic, our business experienced a big loss and our drivers feared that they won't get to earn enough for their families who are also suffering during these troubling times.
By starting this frozen food business, we were able to earn and also give our drivers a source of income. They accompany my father in going to Pangasinan every week to be able to restock and they also re-sell our products. Its a win-win situation for both of us. I do hope that we'd overcome the problems that our country as a whole and every struggling individual is facing soon and that we'd come out of this better than we were before. #SupportLocal #PilipinasMuna
Hi everyone! I just want to share my first collaboration with my father. I converted two of my digital arts, Oneness and We Got Each Other's Back, into a vase and a bookend. I designed it and he made it into a reality. The Oneness Metal Vase is perfect for dried flowers and or artificial flowers. The We Got Each Other's Back Bookend is made from solid metal in which the cubes can be arranged to the user's liking. Both metal sculptures work as an accent piece that can liven up one's space. In case you guys are interested, you can reach me through Facebook/Instagram: @artdkf.ph
Imagine you are holding a photograph. There, there you are. A 5-year-old you is being carried by her momma and papa while holding your rag dolls. That innocent, charming little girl is looking at you and said, "Where are you now?"
Life is filled with several U-turns and unexpected twists of events and during these times in which silver spoons are nowhere to be found: Our families ensure we still get and experience the best as we survive this pandemic. Here's my song, I wrote back 2 years ago entitled: "Won't Let You Cry" and take time to honor and appreciate our parents as they are the biggest front liners in our lives throughout the years.
If you're still single now, there are probably a a lot of questions running in your head. But being on your own for a long time helps you discover more about yourself. It's more than just freedom or independence. It's facing the world with so much courage. It's trying to make the most of your life without having to depend on someone. It's being happy on your own and loving yourself with all that you are.
We've been chasing love only to realize that it's not gonna work out that way. The right time will come that you will be blessed with the one you deserve. The one who also prayed to be with you. The one who will make you believe in love again. Let life surprise you. Hang in there.