Who Should Really Apologize First In A Friendship Fight?

Friendship fights are inevitable, no matter how little or big it may be.
by Mylene Mendoza   |  Jul 16, 2020
Image: unsplash.com, pexels.com Art: Hannah Villafuerte
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We hate to break it to you but, in real life, nothing is ever just happy-happy lang. And that includes relationships, even friendships. Sure, our friends are the people we go to when we want to laugh and even when we want to cry. They’re also the people we run to when someone crosses us. But at some point, you will find yourself in the middle of a misunderstanding or argument with your best friend.

In settling fights with friends, people have different approaches. Some might argue that apologizing first solves the problem immediately, salvages the friendship, and saves both parties time and emotional resources. Others might stand firm and say that they don’t owe anyone any apologies because they did nothing wrong. So, who should really be saying sorry first?

When you find yourself in a fight with someone you care about, there are two main things to consider: the act in question and the apology.


We often take it for granted, but perhaps learning to understand what an apology is for and why we need it might help us decide whether or not we should be the first to offer it. An apology can be considered as an “act of honesty because we admit we did wrong.”

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It’s not something you say just say for the sake of it. When your friend demands an apology, don’t give it “para lang matapos na.” Offer an apology because you acknowledge and recognize that your friend was hurt or offended by something you said or did. Saying sorry for the wrong reasons defeats the purpose of the apology and renders it insincere.

But then, you might ask, "What if I don't think I did anything wrong in the first place?" You might think that something as simple as borrowing your friend's pen without permission is harmless, and them getting mad at you for doing so seems petty. But that's just your side of the story. What if the pen was something significant and irreplaceable to your friend (perhaps, a gift from their late grandparent)? What's seemingly trivial for us may be significantly weighty for someone else.


Friendship fights are inevitable, no matter how little or big it may be. If you ever find yourself debating whether or not an apology should come from you first, try to keep these in mind.


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Mylene Mendoza
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