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What Being 20 Really Feels Like

It's feeling nothing and everything at the same time.
IMAGE Universal Pictures

You are too young to feel this tired, but you are certainly exhausted. So far being twenty feels a lot like being in the eye of the storm, everything just is going so fast, too fast. You hear a starting pistol every morning jolting you awake, telling you that the world will not be waiting for anyone. Being twenty feels like being in a marathon you never trained for. The finish line is nowhere in sight, but you run, with all that you have. You don't stop even when your heart feels like exploding, even when your lungs run out of oxygen, even when your knees can take it no more.You keep on running because that is what you are here to do; go as fast as the wind. It’s a mortal sin to plant your feet and wait for the ground to shake and take you places.

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You are also guaranteed to feel lost, in all the sense of the word, feel free to even make your own definition. You will find yourself in a course you are not really into, or in the company of "friends" you don't really like. You will get lost in the arms of a beautiful boy and if you think you cannot get any more disoriented, wait until the day he changes his mind. You are sure that you are already an adult but there will come days when you will feel like a child trying to figure out which way is North from a broken compass. Fixing it may already be a lost cause, but you can try.

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You will get hurt, and you are meant to do some damage, too. You can put your heart in a locked cage and throw the keys at the ends of the world but eventually you will come across a person who has mastered the art of picking locks. No matter how lightly you thread this earth; there will be days when you'll be the one doing all the breaking, sometimes not even on purpose just like a clumsy child. Pain will be something familiar to you, sadly.

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You can put your heart in a locked cage and throw the keys at the ends of the world but eventually you will come across a person who has mastered the art of picking locks.


Some days will be better. You will feel like the whole world, even if it looks like it can swallow you whole, is in the palm of your hands. Today, the world is yours for the taking. These are the days you will cry happy tears, the kind that leaves your cheeks warm and your heart swollen. You will also be holding the people you love most. Remember these days at all cost for they will get you through the seemingly endless tunnels ahead.

There will be bad days, lots of them actually. By now you should have accepted the fact that it is impossible to outrun them. They will always have a way of catching up to you, like bullet trains that keep on coming. The thing with a bad day is that it gives so much more than it takes; bad days are the reason why we know good ones. Be thankful for the mornings you can't even get up from your bed because you are in so much pain; be thankful for the nights you spend thinking about why you will never be good enough.

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Being twenty is feeling nothing and everything at the same time, embrace that. You will never be as young as you are at this very moment.

Dear, no matter how hard it gets, remember that it only gets better. You are meant to have your fair share of good days; the best days of your young life and boy will they be worth the wait.

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Alyssa Jose
Candymag.com Correspondent
A huge believer in optimism and good karma. Alyssa spends her days in pursuit of genuine and intense happiness. Her heart is an ocean of her dreams and passions, brimming with the people she loves deeply. Her immense love for good books and divine apple pies keeps her going. She adores New York, sing-alongs, hand-written letters, deep conversations, pretty flowers and cute dogs.
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Hi, my sister sent me this link :)

I would like my vlog to be featured in Candy! I believe that if my vlog gets featured in Candy, I will be able to help more aspiring med students! I made this a Youtube vlog just like three weeks ago. So far, I have been receiving messages that they find my med school videos informative! My vlog focuses on med school tips :) So far, these are my content:

Check out the Med School Interview tips I have for UPCM, St. Luke’s, UERM, and ASMPH here: https://youtu.be/lnxqhIktcIM

Check out what’s in my Med Kit for ward works here: https://youtu.be/FbiyerNMkJ4

If you haven’t watched Hospital Playlist, let us tell you why you should watch it here: https://youtu.be/mDOcM-Jd1e8

Do you have any Med School Worries? Watch this! Candy Cutie Eljohn Yee might have answered it:

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Part 1 https://youtu.be/x6M74Gyx0G4 and Part 2 https://youtu.be/-a7HyrkJS80

Wanna know more about UPCM Intarmed? Click here: https://youtu.be/XnKtPxQYIkg

Thank you! Hope we can both work together to inspire med students :)

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Leslie Lim A day ago

To the Person Who Does Not Know Any 1D Song

By: CJ Reyno

Never in my wildest dream I imagined to meet someone who does not know a single One Direction song or who does not even know, Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Liam Payne, Niall Horan, and err… Zayn Malik. How did you spend your teenagehood without listening to their songs? The disrespect to my #StyPayHorLikSon. My initial reaction, Vas Happenin’?

Since I was 12 years old, that was way back on 2012, One Direction songs have been my official life soundtrip, my go-to songs whenever I feel happy, sad, mad, excited, and etch. I can still remember how people went crazy just to attend their concert here in the Philippines. I must admit, I was one of those. LOL. The group was also dubbed as, “The Biggest Boyband in the World”. They were an era. You really left me in awe when you told me that you do not know a single One Direction song. Their songs are gold. But I was a little hopeful when a new messaged popped up on our conversation, “Hey I know one, Make You Beautiful”.

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You do not know how my world collapsed after reading your message. I would like to say that I appreciate the effort, thanks, but they do not have a song entitled, Make You Beautiful, because it is, What Makes You Beautiful. I tried to explain but you said that they are just the same. (Tip: Never fight with a Directioner when it comes to this because we will not let our guards down). No! They are not the same. How can you make this big mistake? LOL. What Makes You Beautiful is One Direction’s debut song. Almost everyone knows this, “you’re insecure, don’t know what for,” ring a bell? The music video of this surpassed 1 billion views on Youtube. On my 21 years of existence, you are the very first person who told me this “I-Thought-It-Was-A-Joke-But-You-Are-Serious” statement.

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As a persuasive fangirl, I thought to myself that I should make you appreciate their music, that you should know that it is What Makes You Beautiful, not Make You Beautiful. The group may be in hiatus but their music is and will always remain superior. You are hard-headed lad. We even when to the point where you challenged me to treat so I can make you watch their music video. Am I even surprised that I agreed to this? HAHA. I feel like an agent trying to persuade her customer to buy a property on our company. You do not know how happy I was when you sent me your video listening to What Makes You Beautiful. I felt like I successfully closed a deal with my client. Not to exaggerate but I really jumped because of happiness after watching your video. It was the first message I checked that morning. Thank you for your effort, so much appreciated. Funny how our conversation starts with your innocence on One Direction until it goes deeper and last longer. Up All Nigh conversations which turned to almost Midnight Memories. Ironic how a Directioner had developed an admiration on someone who dislikes her favorite boys? Just like One Direction’s song, Change My Mind, “Never felt like this before. Are we friends or are we more?” I guess, like Liam’s line on Love You Goodbye, “It's inevitable everything that's good comes to an end. It's impossible to know if after this we can still be friends.”

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I was happy that I made you listen to One Direction. At least I made you appreciate and made you aware that there is a song called, What Makes You Beautiful, not Make You Beautiful. I am happy that you already found your Girl Almighty. Wish me luck on finding my Summer Love. xoxo, Your Directioner friend

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