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What Being 20 Really Feels Like

It's feeling nothing and everything at the same time.
IMAGE Universal Pictures

You are too young to feel this tired, but you are certainly exhausted. So far being twenty feels a lot like being in the eye of the storm, everything just is going so fast, too fast. You hear a starting pistol every morning jolting you awake, telling you that the world will not be waiting for anyone. Being twenty feels like being in a marathon you never trained for. The finish line is nowhere in sight, but you run, with all that you have. You don't stop even when your heart feels like exploding, even when your lungs run out of oxygen, even when your knees can take it no more.You keep on running because that is what you are here to do; go as fast as the wind. It’s a mortal sin to plant your feet and wait for the ground to shake and take you places.

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You are also guaranteed to feel lost, in all the sense of the word, feel free to even make your own definition. You will find yourself in a course you are not really into, or in the company of "friends" you don't really like. You will get lost in the arms of a beautiful boy and if you think you cannot get any more disoriented, wait until the day he changes his mind. You are sure that you are already an adult but there will come days when you will feel like a child trying to figure out which way is North from a broken compass. Fixing it may already be a lost cause, but you can try.

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You will get hurt, and you are meant to do some damage, too. You can put your heart in a locked cage and throw the keys at the ends of the world but eventually you will come across a person who has mastered the art of picking locks. No matter how lightly you thread this earth; there will be days when you'll be the one doing all the breaking, sometimes not even on purpose just like a clumsy child. Pain will be something familiar to you, sadly.

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You can put your heart in a locked cage and throw the keys at the ends of the world but eventually you will come across a person who has mastered the art of picking locks.


Some days will be better. You will feel like the whole world, even if it looks like it can swallow you whole, is in the palm of your hands. Today, the world is yours for the taking. These are the days you will cry happy tears, the kind that leaves your cheeks warm and your heart swollen. You will also be holding the people you love most. Remember these days at all cost for they will get you through the seemingly endless tunnels ahead.

There will be bad days, lots of them actually. By now you should have accepted the fact that it is impossible to outrun them. They will always have a way of catching up to you, like bullet trains that keep on coming. The thing with a bad day is that it gives so much more than it takes; bad days are the reason why we know good ones. Be thankful for the mornings you can't even get up from your bed because you are in so much pain; be thankful for the nights you spend thinking about why you will never be good enough.

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Being twenty is feeling nothing and everything at the same time, embrace that. You will never be as young as you are at this very moment.

Dear, no matter how hard it gets, remember that it only gets better. You are meant to have your fair share of good days; the best days of your young life and boy will they be worth the wait.

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About the author
Alyssa Jose
Candymag.com Correspondent
A huge believer in optimism and good karma. Alyssa spends her days in pursuit of genuine and intense happiness. Her heart is an ocean of her dreams and passions, brimming with the people she loves deeply. Her immense love for good books and divine apple pies keeps her going. She adores New York, sing-alongs, hand-written letters, deep conversations, pretty flowers and cute dogs.
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