Signs You’re Becoming A Toxic Version Of Yourself
Unless we’re blessed with the power of being outstandingly self-aware, it’s easier to recognize indicators of unhealthy habits in others than it is to spot these signs in ourselves. It wouldn’t hurt to check ourselves for toxic behavior through the occasional introspection. Here are possible hints indicating that you’re morphing into someone with detrimental deeds.
You run to friends when you’re in need but you’re MIA when they’re the ones seeking for help.
We’re always thankful for friends we can run to when we’re in distress. But being nowhere to be found when it’s their turn to ask for support is not really a great way of expressing our gratitude. Friendships are a give-and-take relationship that involve more than one person. While you may not be in the proper shape to conjure words of wisdom for friends who need it, there are more ways to be there for your friends and show that you consider their well-being, too. Just your mere presence is enough to let them know you care.
You keep your feelings pent up until you reach your breaking point and burst.
Holding your emotions back may be harmful, not just for you, but for everyone in your immediate vicinity. At some point, you will reach your emotional threshold and your emotions will just burst out—which can cause you to say things you don’t mean. Make sure to let your feels out every once in a while. Channel them into a creative outlet, talk to someone about them, write them down in a journal, but just don’t keep them bottled up inside.
On the other hand, you dump your emotional baggage onto friends with little to no regard for their own mental capacity.
While it isn’t ideal to keep your feels to yourself, dropping them like a bomb onto a friend might not be the next viable move. We don’t all have unlimited psychological tolerance for the unfortunate events that make up our lives. Some may find it hard to cope with certain tragic episodes and require emotional support from people they trust, and that’s okay. This, however, doesn’t excuse you from unloading your emotional stress onto friends without probing into whether they have room for additional emotional baggage or not. Your friends may seem fine and completely capable of handling your issues, but you’d never really know what they’re going through unless you ask.
We’re sure that real friends are more than willing to help you out, but the least you can do is check up on them and make sure they’re emotionally and mentally ready to do so. We might be relieving the stress off of ourselves, but we must also be mindful of who we might be transferring it to. And this shouldn’t just be one-sided thing—your friend may also need someone to vent their problems to. Ask them if they have anything they want to get off their chest and offer to listen to them just as they’ve done for you.
Other people feel drained after spending some time with you.
If you notice your friends or acquaintances slowly withdrawing from you, there must be something unhealthy hovering over your relationship that makes them feel uncomfortable and emotionally exhausted. You don’t have to force any sort of positive emotion if that’s not what you’re feeling at the moment, but if you surround yourself—and by extension, your friends—with a persistent negative atmosphere every time you’re together, then it might grow into something too toxic, and not just for you. It might be because every instance you meet up with them becomes an instant rant session, or because all you can ever talk about are the people you despise in your class.
Instead, try showing your friends that you’re willing to get out of your toxic rut. It doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to rant or hate on someone anymore, but incorporating something remotely adverse into your social routine might be beneficial for you and the people around you.
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5 Mystery-Thriller Novels to Read
If you’re stuck at home and out of Netflix shows to binge-watch, then you might want to try and read these mystery-thriller books to match your homemade Dalgona Coffee.
1. The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides
The debut novel, and Goodreads Choice Awards Best Mystery & Thriller of 2019, follows Alicia Berenson, a well-known painter married to an esteemed fashion photographer. Life seemed perfect for Alicia, until one evening when she shot her husband five times, and… never spoke again.
2. Lock Every Door by Riley Sager
From the author of Final Girls comes this page turning novel about an infamous building in Manhattan called the Bartholomew. After stumbling upon an ad to become an apartment sitter, Jules Larsen has set out to look after apartment 12A under strict and somewhat odd conditions. Not long after stepping foot in the building, Jules has been met with unfriendly tenants, eerie noises in the apartment unit, and an abrupt departure of a fellow sitter named Ingrid.
3. The Sun Down Motel by Simone St. James
If you loved Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho or David Lynch’s Twin Peaks, then this book is for you. After the disappearance of her Aunt Vivian while working as a night-shift clerk at the Sun Down Motel in 1982, Carly has set off to Fell NY, to work the same job at the same place as her Aunt had 35 years ago – with hopes of uncovering the truth lurking behind the Motel walls.
4. Verity by Colleen Hoover
While known for Young-Adult Novels such as Slammed and Maybe Someday, Colleen Hoover offers readers a romantic thriller about Lowen Ashleigh, a struggling author who was given the opportunity to finish the three remaining novels of a successful series after its original author, Verity Crawford, suffered an accident and has become immobile. After receiving an invite at the Crawford manor to sort through Verity’s notes, Lowen discovers an unpublished autobiography revealing the truth about Verity. With the eerie atmosphere of having Verity confined in her own home, and who is seemingly aware of her surroundings, Lowen is certain Verity is not what she appears to be.
5. Dark Matter by Blake Crouch
A mind-bending science fiction thriller from the best-selling author of Wayward Pines – Dark Matter is packed with the concept of the Multiverse and the philosophy of existentialism. The novel follows an ordinary Physics professor, Jason Dessen, who was looking forward to dinner with his family while walking the streets of Chicago. The next thing he knew, he was being held at gunpoint – by a man wearing a mask – and injected with an unknown drug and blacks out. When he regains consciousness, he learns that the world he woke up to was different from the world he knew.
Here's a poem I wrote a while back reflecting on what it's like over-rationalize a simple thing like crushing on a dude -- hence, the title "Scientific Method"
You were a phenomenon I cannot wrap my head around
When I first met you, my heart forgot to make its signature sound
And it's overwhelming, your presence;
And underwhelming, so science will be the only language I'll hide in-- For now.
At first glance, I notice your top button unbuttoned,
and your shirt fully cotton
Complete with a smile as nervous as me
And a swagger in your step only I can see
Further on, I find your wit to be at a pace
That doesn't leave any space for tension to rise
and it's all too nice
And ridiculous and a bit too suspicious
That this isn't another (well,) circus.
Now, let's take a wild guess,
Oh, but it has to be smart, yes,
That this could lead to something with potential
That this isn't another differential easily solved
With a formula, tried and tested but never evolved
For so long, we've both been independent of any dependent
Keeping our variables fixed and ourselves distracted
With anything, everything,
But not a single thing
Could stop me from pushing this blindly to find its threshold,
Hoping that it's a quantity my hands could still hold
Over hours, days, and weeks
Through minor revisions and tweaks
Then comes the analysis -- that these weren't accidents
So, now I find myself in a conundrum
With the anomaly in a blue shirt right in front of me,
That this had to be processed logically,
But the findings are as follows:
None of which were shallow, so I therefore conclude that it's true,
I therefore conclude that it's you.
Mi Luna: The Light in My Dark Soul Locked in… Alone…
Why do I feel comforted by darkness? Oh cause maybe because… I am a jolly and very enthusiast kid back then. All I know is to have fun, laugh and play. But as I grow older, everything has changed, a lot. I can feel the changes. I know the more I get older, I’m turning to something I’m not. You know what, I just realized I like it even more. And that’s how I turned a monster. A monster to my own self. Always questioning life and even God about the things that are happening with my life. “Do I deserve this?”. Every day was a struggle. “Which mask should I wear now?”. And every night is my judgement time. “Should I still continue with my miserable life?”. This certainly sum up my whole life. I have this mindset since I was young. I can say that my experiences made me like this. I always want to escape, but every time I tried to pick up myself up, there is always shits that pulls me down. And there, I get tired. Hoping that no one would ever see this. As I despise myself as well. What I can do now is to just embraced everything, I just embraced darkness- reflecting my own self.
“Look at the moon, it can shine alone and it can give us light at night.” A line I was keeping in my mind that a friend of mine helps me realize things and been there to fix my path. And there I started seeking for my moon but I do not know which part should I start. As days passed, I started to open up myself. I started to act as what truly inside me. It is very hard at first and there is this time that even the situation got worst. But as I continue exploring with my life, a question pop out on my head “Why did I still get this far?”, I can say that maybe I should do this, maybe I really can do this but it is myself who is holding me back because I’m afraid.
Now as far as I am trying to revive my soul, there I know that many people care. Yes, I learned to open up but not to all, on different situations there are people who can understand me because they have the same situation as I am. I learn to open up as long as they did not force me. I learned to navigate and open up for whom I trusted and at the same time when I am ready. The light that I am seeking is my own understanding and acceptance about myself. My light is myself and I am Mi Luna. So it is not too late to save myself. I have thought that, I should be a survivor and winner. That I should also be the ruler of my own mind and soul. Eliminate the room for darkness and let the light shine through you, that I can say how I earned myself again. Mi Luna’s darkness have turned to spotlight.
I just posted some of my own movie reviews from LSS to The Heiress para naman may pagka-movie critic ako in the midst of the pandemic… from Home! Check them out here: Pista ng Pelikulang Pilipino 3 (#PPP2019): • #LSSTheMovie: bit.ly/MyLSSReview • #ThePantiSisters: bit.ly/MyTPSReview • #ImEllenyaL: bit.ly/MyImEllenyaLReview Metro Manila Film Festival: • #TheMallTheMerrier: bit.ly/MyTMTMReview • #MissionUnstapabol: bit.ly/MyMissionUnstapabolReview • #3polTrobolHuliKaBalbon: bit.ly/My3polTrobolReview Non-film fest: • #JamesAndPatAndDave: bit.ly/MyJPDReview • #TheHeiress: bit.ly/MyTheHeiressReview Any thoughts? Don't forget to connect by commenting! Enjoy #MovieBingeAtHome! #COVIDMovieCritic