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Signs You’re Becoming A Toxic Version Of Yourself

It wouldn't hurt to check ourselves for toxic behavior through the occasional introspection.
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Unless we’re blessed with the power of being outstandingly self-aware, it’s easier to recognize indicators of unhealthy habits in others than it is to spot these signs in ourselves. It wouldn’t hurt to check ourselves for toxic behavior through the occasional introspection. Here are possible hints indicating that you’re morphing into someone with detrimental deeds.

You run to friends when you’re in need but you’re MIA when they’re the ones seeking for help.

We’re always thankful for friends we can run to when we’re in distress. But being nowhere to be found when it’s their turn to ask for support is not really a great way of expressing our gratitude. Friendships are a give-and-take relationship that involve more than one person. While you may not be in the proper shape to conjure words of wisdom for friends who need it, there are more ways to be there for your friends and show that you consider their well-being, too. Just your mere presence is enough to let them know you care.

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You keep your feelings pent up until you reach your breaking point and burst.

Holding your emotions back may be harmful, not just for you, but for everyone in your immediate vicinity. At some point, you will reach your emotional threshold and your emotions will just burst out—which can cause you to say things you don’t mean. Make sure to let your feels out every once in a while. Channel them into a creative outlet, talk to someone about them, write them down in a journal, but just don’t keep them bottled up inside.

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On the other hand, you dump your emotional baggage onto friends with little to no regard for their own mental capacity.

While it isn’t ideal to keep your feels to yourself, dropping them like a bomb onto a friend might not be the next viable move. We don’t all have unlimited psychological tolerance for the unfortunate events that make up our lives. Some may find it hard to cope with certain tragic episodes and require emotional support from people they trust, and that’s okay. This, however, doesn’t excuse you from unloading your emotional stress onto friends without probing into whether they have room for additional emotional baggage or not. Your friends may seem fine and completely capable of handling your issues, but you’d never really know what they’re going through unless you ask.

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We’re sure that real friends are more than willing to help you out, but the least you can do is check up on them and make sure they’re emotionally and mentally ready to do so. We might be relieving the stress off of ourselves, but we must also be mindful of who we might be transferring it to. And this shouldn’t just be one-sided thing—your friend may also need someone to vent their problems to. Ask them if they have anything they want to get off their chest and offer to listen to them just as they’ve done for you.

Other people feel drained after spending some time with you.

If you notice your friends or acquaintances slowly withdrawing from you, there must be something unhealthy hovering over your relationship that makes them feel uncomfortable and emotionally exhausted. You don’t have to force any sort of positive emotion if that’s not what you’re feeling at the moment, but if you surround yourself—and by extension, your friends—with a persistent negative atmosphere every time you’re together, then it might grow into something too toxic, and not just for you. It might be because every instance you meet up with them becomes an instant rant session, or because all you can ever talk about are the people you despise in your class.

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Instead, try showing your friends that you’re willing to get out of your toxic rut. It doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to rant or hate on someone anymore, but incorporating something remotely adverse into your social routine might be beneficial for you and the people around you.

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Mylene Mendoza
Candy Staff Writer
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Serene Fae A day ago

"The paradoxical idea of attaining a happier life and how to withstand these beliefs."

The Revolting Truth About Happiness by Theserenefae

If people ask you about your vision of a happier life we automatically envision ourselves having more money, true love, a better job, Instagram-worthy vacations, etc. But let me break this to you this, According to Dr. Laurie Santos, Professor of Psychology at Yale University and the voice behind The Happiness Lab podcast, "Most of the goals we think would make us happy do not really make us happy." And why is that? Simple, being happy is all in our minds. The human mind ploys us with these lenses on how we envision ourselves and our lives to be happy. The perception of "having" or "gaining" is the exact opposite of what will truly make our lives better. So how can we really be "happy"?

• Seek happiness inside you. This is a quintessential reason for our vision of happiness: misconceptions about having a lot of money would make me happy; owning this and that would make me happy; entering a relationship would make me happy. This is not the case, if you want to be truly happy with your relationship, you have to be already happy on your own. If you want satisfaction from others, you have to be satisfied with yourself. And so on.

• Fill that hole righteously We all have that tiny hole inside our hearts, tampering it with temporary band-aids. Fill this hole with purpose. Have you ever heard about The Three "M's"— Master, Mission, and Mate? Define who will be your Master, is it God? If that's so, your Mission could be following his words and will. Mate would be the last for they will be the best companion to fulfill your mission. Now hear me out, it is important to do this accordingly. We often times jumble it or invert it which can lead to failures.

• Give gifts to others. The wonderful grace in giving. There’s nothing like the rush of pure joy when you get a chance to give. However, this may not be something that we're used to. But apparently, openhandedness is our soul's true shape. As Eugene Peterson put it, "Giving is what we do best. It is the air into which we were born." This doesn't necessarily mean we have to give away our stuff but we can also present love, kindness, gratefulness, etc. in our own simplest ways to anyone such as giving time, encouragement, helping hand, or even forgiveness. Try giving and you'll receive inconceivable gifts in return.

• Savor moments. Savoring deeply intensifies our positive emotions while doing something that we love the most by simply stepping outside of the experience to review and appreciate the moment. You can practice this by having a delicious meal, reading a good book, or any activity that you enjoy and love. It can also be enhanced by sharing these experiences with others, appreciating such amazing moments, or staying present the entire time.

• Choose to Love Deeper Today's society relentlessly pressures all of us to have this "perfect" lifestyle such as pursuing careers that drain you, finding value through virtual world and purchases, letting achievements become your whole identity, and yet after all that you still feel empty and failure inside. Consumption is just skin deep—a shallow perception of happiness. Deep life brings the best out of us and others. It is about nourishing what you already have, focusing on the relationships than material wealth, becoming vulnerable at times, and being self-aware.

• Understand that Sufferings and Pain are part of Human Being. Always remember that loneliness and sufferings are inevitable. That is completely how life goes. You may be happy for a moment or a month but sooner or later great tribulation will start to kick in. Combat despair with graciousness. Count all the blessings that you have (and will have in near future, claim it!) by writing it down on a piece of paper or typing on your phone. Viola! an instant boost for happiness. We all know the fact that this superficial happiness won't work, but why do I keep on wanting? I already have all this wisdom about how to be happy for ages, but why can't I apply it to my own life?

First, you have to understand that simply knowing doesn't change your behavior. Care to realize that all the tips that I have mentioned are all verbs? Because at the end of the day, it is all about how you choose to be happy and initiate actions towards success. Know, reflect, visualize, believe, and do something about it. All of these are Actions! This is the secret of all the happiest and most influential people in the world—actions. Furthermore, do know that some of these tips do not work instantly most of the time. It requires a lot of time, motivation, consistency, and effort. I do know it's easier said than done. Take each of them slowly, one step at a time.

If it wasn’t for pain, I wouldn’t be alive. It may sound contradictory, but it’s true. Pain reminds me that I can feel, along with other emotions. Pain reminds me that I can heal, just like how I did in the past. Pain reminds me that I am strong and I can do better. It reminds me that life can be bitter, and it is up to us to make it a little sweeter (or saltier, depending on what the person wants).

With this epiphany, I take pain in a positive light. It’s normal that it can break me and make me want to stay in bed all day, but having someone or something remind me that there is hope is enough. It’s normal that I cry my heart out, but it’s important to remember that there’s a calm after the storm. If it wasn’t for pain, I wouldn’t be who I am now. It has shaped me and how I look at things. It has changed the way I approach circumstances that can challenge me and my beliefs.

Pain, back then, made me cower in the dark. Pain used to be my biggest fear, and I used to do my best to avoid pain. However, I realized that avoiding pain is like avoiding life. Because of how I wanted to protect myself, I closed myself off to people and opportunities. I used to tell myself that “this will end badly”, or “this is going to hurt in the end”. I always focused on how much pain I might endure in the end that I forgot to enjoy the process.

It’s inevitable, you see? Endings, most of the time, may hurt. It’s natural for us to grow attached to someone or something, and their disappearance might bring us a lot of pain. However, one should always remember that the pain is a reminder of how close you became, how many memories you had. If it wasn’t for pain, life would be pointless. If it wasn’t for pain, we would be nothing.

margaux marie A day ago
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