Features

To the Boy Who Broke My Heart Last Christmas

It has been almost a year, but in my mind your words are still crystal clear.
ART Trixie Ison PHOTOS Majoy Siason

It has been almost a year, but in my mind your words are still crystal clear. "I love you but I just can't be with you." 10 words put together that just made no sense to me that night. Hearing "have a Merry Christmas" instead, could have made my heart flutter.

How much more bittersweet could that night get? The Christmas spirit was at its best–bright lights at the park and jolly carollers everywhere in the village. Everything just made me happy, everything was just the way Christmas had always been for us. Then there you were, staring into my eyes, telling me after all this time, that you felt the same way, but not just quite how I've pictured that moment to be.

"I love you but I just can't be with you." What was that supposed to mean? No love story ever used this line. I was not trained to respond to this. I knew you could see confusion in my eyes, so you decided to speak again, "It's you and me, we don't have to be together to love each other. We'll work something out." You nearly convinced me there. I was starting to see the brighter side of the situation. The night went on as planned, with me hoping us "working things out" would begin tomorrow.

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
CONTINUE READING BELOW
Recommended Videos

Tomorrow never came. I waited and waited and waited and waited, for the tomorrow I've been waiting for to come, but it never did. I always thought that if having you as a friend was the only way I could have you in my life, I was going to take it, and protect it in the best way I knew possible. Even if it meant keeping my feelings to myself. So that's what I did all these years. I took the risk to let you know how I felt that night, cause you were worth every risk to me. Why didn't you want to risk with me? Why didn't you want to risk for me? We could've been brave together. People say never to change for anyone, and I guess that was the problem. You couldn't change for me. You couldn't be brave for me.

Time went by, and we were back to what we've always been. We never spoke of that night again. I'd like to believe that it was because we were better at keeping our feelings to ourselves. It's like you were this Christmas gift that was taken back, the one that was there but never really was. For the record, it wasn't that I wanted a label; I can survive without that. I just wanted assurance, but it turns out you couldn't give me that, too. You've always been that kind of person who's always just one foot in. You'd always just want to test the waters. You never told me what you wanted us to be. We never tried to work things out. Was I supposed to keep guessing what you were thinking? Was I supposed to keep trying to find my place in your life? I got sick of being stuck in limbo, it's the worst place to be.

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW

It has been almost a year, but in my mind your words are still crystal clear. "I love you but I just can't be with you." 10 words put together that just made no sense to me that night. I can't say I've let that night go, but day by day, I'm getting by. And you seem to be fine. I started to pay more attention to the things I didn't see when you were who I always put first.

I might not ever get over the fact that of all the days you could have chosen to break my heart, you chose Christmas Eve. I'll never feel that same Christmas spirit again, because you will always be there at the back of my mind. No bright lights or jolly carollers could change this for me. Happy Holidays to you.

Got your own story to tell? Drop us an email at candymagazine @gmail.com! We'd love to hear what you have to say. If you're lucky, you just might get published in this space, too! Please indicate if you want to remain anonymous. We're also looking for artwork and illustrations to use with the stories, so please send some in if you want to be featured!

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
your REACTION
CUTE

0

HEART

0

OMG

0

YAY

0

/////////////////////////////
COMMENTS. JOIN THE DISCUSSION BELOW!
Comments
About the author
Kat Estrella
Candymag.com Correspondent
Aspiring Fashion Blogger and Designer; to collaborate Fashion and Service is my main goal.
VIEW OTHER ARTICLES FROM Kat

Create your content

Photo
Video
SoundCloud
Hi, you!
Title
Body Text
*1st 15 seconds will be uploaded
*File size limit (up to 60MB)
*File size limit (up to 60MB)
or
Upload Video
*For the direct video upload option, only the first 15 seconds of the video will be uploaded
*File size limit (up to 60MB)

By submitting your post, you agree to Candymag's Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Thank you for submitting your post.
You will be notified via email once your entry has been approved by the Candy team.

Submitted posts will be subject to the approval of the Candy Team.

A few reminders:

  1. Candy Bulletin is an online platform where users can upload original work, personal passion projects, and other forms of self-expression, for the purpose of sharing with the community.
  2. You can upload photos of your curated OOTDs, 15-second videos, essays, poems, and more, as long as the submitted work is original, follows copyright laws, and free of any nudity, pornography, or profanity.
  3. You are encouraged to comment on one another's posts, as long as everyone remains respectful.
Submit Another Post View More Posts
latest on CandyMag.com
 
x
Share
"I still failed so many more times after that, but I kept going."
 
x
Share
UP placed 69th, beating out over 600 other universities in Asia.
 
x
Share
This means a grade of "4" or "5" shall not be given, according to the UP Office of the Student Regent.
 
x
Share
Warning: Major spoiler alert for "The Princess Switch: Switched Again."
 
x
Share
Learn about the process of anime creation on a more extensive level.
 
x
Share
There are other courses that can help you prepare for its rigorous curriculum.
LOAD MORE ARTICLES
your REACTION
Pick a sticker to view stories by reaction!
/////////////////////////////
CONNECT WITH US