This Is What It's Like to Not Believe in Any Religion
Being a pre-teen in a school that practices Catholic values and principles wasn't easy. It always has this hold on you, wherein you know all of the prayers and every single thing you should recite during mass and what is right and wrong in the eyes of the church, and therefore, God. You are free, yes, but there's this hesitance you have before going into any decision.
During the sixth grade, I started questioning a lot of things. I felt like several of my decisions were pre-made for me, and even though I wasn't completely aware, I was being restricted. So I pored over books and documentaries, trying to find explanations to those concepts that seemed like there were more to them than what anyone in my immediate environment told me.
My heart and my mind often conflicted with the way they saw these things, and I felt so confused and so lost at that point.ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
Transferring schools did not make anything easier. I had to adjust to all these new people and the different system of handling school activities. I barely had any time to really think about how I felt towards certain ideas, and I let months pass without finding out what was really going on within me. There were the questions, but I pushed them aside for a while.
For the second year in that school, I had come to realize that I did not like the idea of religion or of anything having full control over the universe.
To me, it was a limitation that stopped me from seeing how some things really are. It influenced the way I viewed people and actions, without even considering how people became like that. I did not like how it drove people to judge and to make decisions that did not benefit anyone. It shielded me from accepting what should not have been viewed as wrong.
We had a religion class once a week then, and we were asked, "Would you choose money or God?" I was the only one who answered "none". I knew how both could affect someone's opinions and judgments, how both have their good effects and bad effects. Neither were completely good nor completely bad. Our teacher told me that I was just going through a phase, and that I should give it some time and walk the path towards God again. When she left the room, my classmates asked me to sit down and they pleaded me to come back, to believe again. A part of me screamed to never go back.
It took months to convince them that it wasn't bad. It was terrifying to think that I might be pushed away because of what I thought and how I didn't believe in what they believed.
So I was surprised when they approached and asked questions. What's it like to not believe in Him? It's nothing special, it just feels like I don't have to keep forcing myself to be a certain way just to get into heaven, if that exists. So where will you go? Nowhere. If I go, I go. As long as I know that I did good things in my life, I am okay with that. I have done wrong too, but that shouldn't be a basis on whether I get into a beautiful place of goodness or burn somewhere for all I've done wrong. Does that mean you believe in Satan? I do not believe in any deity or any portion of heaven or hell. I don't believe in anything but what has been proven and what I can see.
They were gentle, just asking and nodding and understanding. I explained that I respected other religions, their beliefs, as long as people would not judge others for theirs or even for the lack of beliefs. I was the first person in their lives to admit that I did not want to have a religion anymore. Little by little, they accepted it, and did not fail in loving me for who I am.
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To the Person Who Does Not Know Any 1D Song
By: CJ Reyno
Never in my wildest dream I imagined to meet someone who does not know a single One Direction song or who does not even know, Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Liam Payne, Niall Horan, and err… Zayn Malik. How did you spend your teenagehood without listening to their songs? The disrespect to my #StyPayHorLikSon. My initial reaction, Vas Happenin’?
Since I was 12 years old, that was way back on 2012, One Direction songs have been my official life soundtrip, my go-to songs whenever I feel happy, sad, mad, excited, and etch. I can still remember how people went crazy just to attend their concert here in the Philippines. I must admit, I was one of those. LOL. The group was also dubbed as, “The Biggest Boyband in the World”. They were an era. You really left me in awe when you told me that you do not know a single One Direction song. Their songs are gold. But I was a little hopeful when a new messaged popped up on our conversation, “Hey I know one, Make You Beautiful”.
You do not know how my world collapsed after reading your message. I would like to say that I appreciate the effort, thanks, but they do not have a song entitled, Make You Beautiful, because it is, What Makes You Beautiful. I tried to explain but you said that they are just the same. (Tip: Never fight with a Directioner when it comes to this because we will not let our guards down). No! They are not the same. How can you make this big mistake? LOL. What Makes You Beautiful is One Direction’s debut song. Almost everyone knows this, “you’re insecure, don’t know what for,” ring a bell? The music video of this surpassed 1 billion views on Youtube. On my 21 years of existence, you are the very first person who told me this “I-Thought-It-Was-A-Joke-But-You-Are-Serious” statement.
As a persuasive fangirl, I thought to myself that I should make you appreciate their music, that you should know that it is What Makes You Beautiful, not Make You Beautiful. The group may be in hiatus but their music is and will always remain superior. You are hard-headed lad. We even when to the point where you challenged me to treat so I can make you watch their music video. Am I even surprised that I agreed to this? HAHA. I feel like an agent trying to persuade her customer to buy a property on our company. You do not know how happy I was when you sent me your video listening to What Makes You Beautiful. I felt like I successfully closed a deal with my client. Not to exaggerate but I really jumped because of happiness after watching your video. It was the first message I checked that morning. Thank you for your effort, so much appreciated. Funny how our conversation starts with your innocence on One Direction until it goes deeper and last longer. Up All Nigh conversations which turned to almost Midnight Memories. Ironic how a Directioner had developed an admiration on someone who dislikes her favorite boys? Just like One Direction’s song, Change My Mind, “Never felt like this before. Are we friends or are we more?” I guess, like Liam’s line on Love You Goodbye, “It's inevitable everything that's good comes to an end. It's impossible to know if after this we can still be friends.”
I was happy that I made you listen to One Direction. At least I made you appreciate and made you aware that there is a song called, What Makes You Beautiful, not Make You Beautiful. I am happy that you already found your Girl Almighty. Wish me luck on finding my Summer Love. xoxo, Your Directioner friend
Here's a fan art that I made for Lee Joo Young of Itaewon class! I've been making digital illustration since last year and I'm happy that I was able to see my improvements. I'm also happy to see people's reactions and support for my craft even though all of it are made through my phone (adobe illustrator) only ????. You don't actually have to use expensive or complicated medium as long as you know how to be creative and like what you're doing, then you can do it. ????