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Students Share How They Cope With Being In "LDRs" During The ECQ

Being away from each other teaches you to cherish every moment together even more.
IMAGE Courtesy of Sofia Jahrling, INSTAGRAM/_angelabrcly

It’s been 12 days since the enhanced community quarantine (ECQ) started, but for many students, staying put at home began a bit earlier than that due to on-ground class suspensions. Not to be senti but, who would’ve thought that that regular weekday in school would be the last time for a long time that we’d get to hang out with friends, hug our SOs, or attend lessons in our beloved classrooms?

For those who are used to seeing their friends, especially their SOs, on a regular basis, the ECQ is a whole new world. It might not seem like much of a big deal, but it really tests your relationships. Kudos to the couples who are able to pull off LDRs! If there’s anything the quarantine period has shown in terms of our relationships, it’s that distance sucks, pero kakayanin.

How do you handle #loveinthetimeofcorona? Below, we talked to college students about LDR problems, how they cope with it, and what they’ve learned from the experience.

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It’s kind of like an LDR.

Not being able to go out means not being able to see your SOs in the flesh, so in a way, it’s kind of like having a long-distance relationship. For Angela Barclay, LDRs are nothing new. “I guess the biggest difference is how often we communicate. My boyfriend and I talk to each other every day, through most of the [social media] platforms (sometimes, all at the same time haha),” she says. “With my previous LDR, because he was a cadet in the military, they barely had a chance to use their phones or call their loved ones.”

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Another college student, Mia*, shares, “Actually I’ve been in an LDR for two years now! I know a lot of people say LDRs are hard, and I agree. Though I’m fortunate enough that my case is different—we’re neighbors and family friends! With that, I get to see him the moment he lands and consistently during his stay.”

Despite her experience with LDRs, however, the enhanced community quarantine made things a little different. She adds, “He went home two months earlier than usual, but this time, I didn’t even get to pick him up from the airport.”

*Not her real name

You’re forced to get creative with how you interact.

We live in the digital age where practically anything is possible, so staying connected with one another gets a little easier, faster, and more creative. “When [my boyfriend] wakes up, better believe his messages are full of memes and random screenshots sent by me haha," says Angela. "He really is my best friend and I’m just so happy that I can tell him anything and everything, he’s such a great listener.”

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Video calls are how they “see” each other for now. “We video call when we can, one time we even did a home workout together on video call haha! We recently discovered the app called Houseparty,” Angela adds. “It’s an app where you can play multiplayer games like charades, card games, trivia quizzes, and drawing games together while on video!”

For Sofia Jahrling, video calls and social media are also the closest thing to being with her boyfriend. “For Nico and I, we video call every night whenever we are done with our daily routine and family time. We also do workouts together every other day [during the morning] through FaceTime. We communicate throughout the day through Messenger. Besides these, we pray for each other’s safety and well-being every day.”

Nothing beats seeing them in person.

For Mia, it’s a case of so close yet so far. “It’s a struggle knowing that it only takes five minutes and a few steps to see each other yet, there is no certainty of when that can happen again,” She shares. “Now that we’re in the same country, all of a sudden, spending quality time together isn’t our priority anymore. Now it’s more on our health, and our family’s health.”

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For Sofia, being physically there with her boyfriend is still the best feeling. “It’s not easy when we only get to communicate through iMessage, Messenger, or video call,” she says. “Nothing beats personal interaction wherein you can be with the person.”

In LDRs, one of the biggest struggles is resolving miscommunication and getting over fights. “I guess in this situation, when couples get into arguments and such, it’s easy to just let go of your phone and let pride take over,” Angela shares. “What I love about my boyfriend though is, yes, we get into tiny arguments, but we make it to a point to talk about how we’re feeling and meet halfway because bottling up emotions, especially in LDRs, can be toxic.”

It teaches you to cherish every moment together even more.

One thing in common about what they’ve all learned from the experience is that, you have to cherish every second together, because who knows when you’ll get to do that again? “If anything, don’t take any day or anything for granted because if I knew the last day was going to be the last before this lockdown started, I would have hugged him longer,” Angela says. “It’s crazy how you start appreciating the simple things when it gets taken away from you.”  

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It’s the same thing for Sofia, too. “I learned that physical distance should not stop one from showing love and concern for another. When we get to see each other again after the lockdown, I will really keep in mind to cherish every moment, since we don’t know when [something] like this may happen.”

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It also helps to have a sense of security in your partner during scary times like now. “During this quarantine, I learned how much ‘certainty’ in your relationship helps during these uncertain times,” Mia opens up. “I personally am the more pessimistic one, as I’ve learned how strong and committed my partner is. Overall, this quarantine allows us to value even more the potential time we will spend together once this pandemic ends.”

How are you coping with not seeing your S.O.? Share your thoughts and tips here!

***

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Mylene Mendoza
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Serene Fae 2 days ago

"The paradoxical idea of attaining a happier life and how to withstand these beliefs."

The Revolting Truth About Happiness by Theserenefae

If people ask you about your vision of a happier life we automatically envision ourselves having more money, true love, a better job, Instagram-worthy vacations, etc. But let me break this to you this, According to Dr. Laurie Santos, Professor of Psychology at Yale University and the voice behind The Happiness Lab podcast, "Most of the goals we think would make us happy do not really make us happy." And why is that? Simple, being happy is all in our minds. The human mind ploys us with these lenses on how we envision ourselves and our lives to be happy. The perception of "having" or "gaining" is the exact opposite of what will truly make our lives better. So how can we really be "happy"?

• Seek happiness inside you. This is a quintessential reason for our vision of happiness: misconceptions about having a lot of money would make me happy; owning this and that would make me happy; entering a relationship would make me happy. This is not the case, if you want to be truly happy with your relationship, you have to be already happy on your own. If you want satisfaction from others, you have to be satisfied with yourself. And so on.

• Fill that hole righteously We all have that tiny hole inside our hearts, tampering it with temporary band-aids. Fill this hole with purpose. Have you ever heard about The Three "M's"— Master, Mission, and Mate? Define who will be your Master, is it God? If that's so, your Mission could be following his words and will. Mate would be the last for they will be the best companion to fulfill your mission. Now hear me out, it is important to do this accordingly. We often times jumble it or invert it which can lead to failures.

• Give gifts to others. The wonderful grace in giving. There’s nothing like the rush of pure joy when you get a chance to give. However, this may not be something that we're used to. But apparently, openhandedness is our soul's true shape. As Eugene Peterson put it, "Giving is what we do best. It is the air into which we were born." This doesn't necessarily mean we have to give away our stuff but we can also present love, kindness, gratefulness, etc. in our own simplest ways to anyone such as giving time, encouragement, helping hand, or even forgiveness. Try giving and you'll receive inconceivable gifts in return.

• Savor moments. Savoring deeply intensifies our positive emotions while doing something that we love the most by simply stepping outside of the experience to review and appreciate the moment. You can practice this by having a delicious meal, reading a good book, or any activity that you enjoy and love. It can also be enhanced by sharing these experiences with others, appreciating such amazing moments, or staying present the entire time.

• Choose to Love Deeper Today's society relentlessly pressures all of us to have this "perfect" lifestyle such as pursuing careers that drain you, finding value through virtual world and purchases, letting achievements become your whole identity, and yet after all that you still feel empty and failure inside. Consumption is just skin deep—a shallow perception of happiness. Deep life brings the best out of us and others. It is about nourishing what you already have, focusing on the relationships than material wealth, becoming vulnerable at times, and being self-aware.

• Understand that Sufferings and Pain are part of Human Being. Always remember that loneliness and sufferings are inevitable. That is completely how life goes. You may be happy for a moment or a month but sooner or later great tribulation will start to kick in. Combat despair with graciousness. Count all the blessings that you have (and will have in near future, claim it!) by writing it down on a piece of paper or typing on your phone. Viola! an instant boost for happiness. We all know the fact that this superficial happiness won't work, but why do I keep on wanting? I already have all this wisdom about how to be happy for ages, but why can't I apply it to my own life?

First, you have to understand that simply knowing doesn't change your behavior. Care to realize that all the tips that I have mentioned are all verbs? Because at the end of the day, it is all about how you choose to be happy and initiate actions towards success. Know, reflect, visualize, believe, and do something about it. All of these are Actions! This is the secret of all the happiest and most influential people in the world—actions. Furthermore, do know that some of these tips do not work instantly most of the time. It requires a lot of time, motivation, consistency, and effort. I do know it's easier said than done. Take each of them slowly, one step at a time.

If it wasn’t for pain, I wouldn’t be alive. It may sound contradictory, but it’s true. Pain reminds me that I can feel, along with other emotions. Pain reminds me that I can heal, just like how I did in the past. Pain reminds me that I am strong and I can do better. It reminds me that life can be bitter, and it is up to us to make it a little sweeter (or saltier, depending on what the person wants).

With this epiphany, I take pain in a positive light. It’s normal that it can break me and make me want to stay in bed all day, but having someone or something remind me that there is hope is enough. It’s normal that I cry my heart out, but it’s important to remember that there’s a calm after the storm. If it wasn’t for pain, I wouldn’t be who I am now. It has shaped me and how I look at things. It has changed the way I approach circumstances that can challenge me and my beliefs.

Pain, back then, made me cower in the dark. Pain used to be my biggest fear, and I used to do my best to avoid pain. However, I realized that avoiding pain is like avoiding life. Because of how I wanted to protect myself, I closed myself off to people and opportunities. I used to tell myself that “this will end badly”, or “this is going to hurt in the end”. I always focused on how much pain I might endure in the end that I forgot to enjoy the process.

It’s inevitable, you see? Endings, most of the time, may hurt. It’s natural for us to grow attached to someone or something, and their disappearance might bring us a lot of pain. However, one should always remember that the pain is a reminder of how close you became, how many memories you had. If it wasn’t for pain, life would be pointless. If it wasn’t for pain, we would be nothing.

margaux marie 2 days ago
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