If youāve ever felt anxious or down at any point in lifeāand weāre sure you have because itās a real feeling any human can experienceāyou know how much the feeling sucks. An overwhelming sense of anxiety can feel heavy and erratic. It may feel like youāre constantly in a loop of cluelessness, hopelessness, or doubtfulness and you canāt break free. Bottom line is, itās not pleasant.
When a friend confides in us about their worries and anxieties in life, our automatic response is usually āItās going to be okay.ā And while it comes from a place of concern and our desire to reassure the other person, the thing is, it might not be as helpful as we think it is.
It gives false hope, which isnāt helpful to the situation.
Is it really going to be okay? Sure, maybe. While weāre here for the optimism and positivity, itās not always the right thing to say toĀ everyone. Some people take it as reassurance. But others may just see it as false hope. Imagine being told that things will be okay, only for them to get worse⦠thatās honestly the biggest betrayal in history. Exag, but you get the point.
It can also come off as being dismissive of what the person is feeling. Theyāre opening up about their worries and negative emotions, and hearing āitās gonna be okayā from a friend might sound like a generic, disconnected response. Itās like they never heard a word you said and were only waiting for the cue to say what they think you wanted to hear.
It comes off as toxic positivity.
According to Psychology Today, toxic positivity is when you believe that the only way to go through life is to stay positive. No one likes it when someone is always nega, but itās also not good to be too positive all the time that we start to overlook or give no regard to the negative things in life. Sometimes, allowing ourselves to recognize and accept these negative emotions could be beneficial to the situation. Instead of drowning them in positive vibes only, Konstantin Lukin Ph.D. suggests in his article on Psychology today, that letting our friends relish and recognize these unwanted emotions might help them regulate and process their feelings accordingly.
Here are other things you shouldnāt be saying to someone with anxiety:
Jennifer Rollin MSW, LCSW-C enumerates other statements to watch out for when trying to reassure someone. Itās best if you donāt say:
- āCalm down.ā
- āItās not a big deal.ā
- āI know how you feel.ā
If youāre looking for alternative things to say that can actually help a friend out, psychology professor Martin Antony, Ph.D mentions these things in an interview with self.com:
- āWhat can I do to help?ā
- āIām always here for you.ā
- āDo you want to hear advice or would you just like someone else to listen to you?ā
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