Real Reasons Why Some Friendships Don't Survive LDRs

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by Ysabel Y. Yuzon   |  Jul 13, 2020
Image: (LEFT TO RIGHT) INSTAGRAM/arrahpamintuan, INSTAGRAM garrenjersey
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At this very unique and unprecedented point in time, even if you're in the same postal code, all friendships are LDRs. Lockdown relationships, so to speak. And not all relationships are prepared for a completely digital transition, especially if you're so used to having your life intertwined with your BFF's. 

If you feel like you and your BFF are losing your *spark*, it might not necessarily mean you're growing apart. It could be that with everything going on right now, you and your BFF just need some time and space to adjust. 

However, it's also normal for some friendships to struggle more than others. And for platonic relationships, it's not always easy to identify why and when things start to fall apart.

"It's always murky to try to define the beginning or end of a friendship---or to even understand the transitions in the middle. It's easier with marriages and unions where there are legal obligations and divorce decrees," says a feature on Psychology Today. "When it comes to friendships, changes in life circumstances often require us to renegotiate terms. There is no 'right' way to do this. It can be implicit or explicit--- 'right' depends on the people, the situation, and how they feel."

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If you're not sure why your friendship may not be thriving in an LDR, here are a few things to consider:

You tend to overpersonalize things.

You feel bad and neglected whenever they reschedule your video chat or respond two days late to a meme you forwarded. And it hurt even more after you saw they replied to a different friend on Insta. What about you? Parang wala kayong pinagdaanan!

The Solution: Wait lang, grabe naman. You might want to take a step back before jumping to conclusions. It may be easy to read into your friend's actions, but keep it mind that there's always a possibility you just read the situation differently. Maybe they don't know you're sending memes because you need to talk, or that you were looking forward to your video chat all week and cancelled other plans just to make time for it.

As much as possible, try to communicate openly if you feel like you're being taken for granted, as more often than not, it's actually mixed signals and not bad intentions that cause hurt feelings. 

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You treat your time together as another item off your to-do list.

It may be tempting to multi-task especially if your hands are free while you chat, but doing so could only lead to missed cues and miscommunicationWhile it may be okay with you, some people may not feel inclined to open up and talk if they feel like they don't have your full attention.

The Solution: The key to making sure you still have quality time together is to BE PRESENT and to be in the moment, even if it's online. This means listening just as much as you share, and being attentive not just to the kuwento, but to the person speaking. 

Avoid multi-tasking and doing something else unless you absolutely have to. And if you really need to, make sure to check in with your friend so they know why you can't delay it.

You don't make an effort to relate to each other anymore. 

Have your catchup sessions been about you listing down the things you've done over kamustahan instead of actually talking about things important to you? Remember, you're not reporting your schedule to your friend, you're trying to bond over things you guys do when you're not with each other.

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The Solution: When in doubt, try doing activities together online so you have something that's just for the two of you to share. You may also try being more detailed with your kuwento, like showing pictures of the orgmates in your stories, or using games and apps to find new ways to connect with each other. What's important is having shared experiences, even if you guys are living different lives at the moment.

**

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Ysabel Y. Yuzon
Candy Editor In Chief
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