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Oh, Father!

We all adore our fathers. But sometimes, they're not as adorable as we wish them to be!
compiled by CJ Alayon and Mika Chiong * illustration by Nicole Lim

Big Dress-Aster

I wore a particularly nice dress for an afternoon gimmick with my friends. I was showing it off when my dad appeared out of nowhere and said, "Para kang katulong sa damit mo. Magbihis ka nga!" My friends were speechless. —Grysh, 20

Clueless Liar

Once, I asked my dad to sign my excuse letter for school because I had a bad case of dysmenorrhea. Weeks later at the dinner table, my dad told us that his secretary laughed at him after seeing his sick leave form. Apparently, he used my excuse and told the office he had dysmenorrhea! My mom and I couldn't stop laughing after we found out. —Leah, 19

David Who?

I'm an avid American Idol fan, to the point that I shouldn't be disturbed when the show comes on. While watching an episode from season seven, my dad suddenly blurted out, "Pinagpalit mo na talaga ako kay David Achuete!" I was laughing my head off after hearing him say that. I didn't even have the energy to correct him and say it was actually Archuleta! —Rain, 17

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Face To Face

My boyfriend celebrated Christmas Eve at my house. Since our Christmas gathering ended at 2 am, my mom suggested that he sleep over. My dad wasn't thrilled with the idea, so he decided to sleep in the same room as my boyfriend! Can you say awkward? —Ange, 19

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Huff And Puff

Even if my parents don't allow me to smoke, I sneakily decided to "reward" myself while I was with my friends outside my house. I was smoking my first stick when I saw my dad. I immediately threw the cigarette, but it was too late. He scolded me in front of my friends saying, "Tsk! Sayang yung pera mo!" —Jj, 22

Duped At The Dentist

I've always been afraid of going to the dentist. It's my dad who would always encourage me to go and push all my fears aside. But when it was his turn in the dentist's chair, I saw him stiffening up and bumping his head against the light because of nervousness. Talk about not practicing what he preached! —Leanne, 18

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Breaking News

My family was celebrating New Year at my grandmother's house when I suddenly got a bum stomach! After using the toilet several times, I secretly asked my dad to bring me home because I wanted to lie down and rest. As we were about to go home, my dad said he just needed to say a quick goodbye. I heard him broadcast to the whole group, "We have to go. May LBM kasi si Cheska." I was mortified! —Cheska, 21

Name That Street

My dad's name is Apolinario. When I was in second grade, we used to live along A. Mabini Street. One time, my teacher asked me where I lived. I said somewhere in Manila, and mentioned that our street was even named after my dad! My teacher just laughed at me. After retelling the story to my dad, I realized how big of a loser I seemed for saying that. —Leslie, 17

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Eye Of The Beer-Holder

I was celebrating my 18th birthday at home. My dad and brother wanted to give me my first drink as an adult, so my dad volunteered to get the drink. He came back with a can of lime soda which I thought was a joke. Apparently, my dad confused the lime soda can with a Heineken (a beer brand which also comes in a green can)! He should've read the labels first. —Brent, 18

Fall Out Man

My dad loves making funny faces. During one of our wacky bonding moments, he was making weird facial gestures when his dentures accidentally fell off! My mom was wondering why we were all laughing out loud until she saw the culprit on the floor. —Llanely, 17

Hit And Run

I was a hyper-active kid. Once, I rushed down our street and got accidentally hit by a cab. It was a good thing I didn’t get hurt. My dad saw the whole thing, but in-stead of helping me, he slapped me then scolded the driver. Talk about mortifying! —Hainz'el, 17

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Match Point

My little sister kept bugging me to play tennis with her during finals week. I couldn't because I was too harrassed, so she asked our dad instead. Early next morning, our dad knocked on our door and woke up my sister for their tennis match. He was in complete tennis attire with matching racket in hand. My sister forgot to tell him that she wanted to play tennis on our new Nintendo Wii. Haha! —Jill, 18

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When everything around you suddenly turns dark, the first thing we'd prolly do, as humans, is to find and grab anything that is closest and nearest to us. We'll hold onto them for as long as we can, trying to collect ourselves and gather courage to adjust our eyesights to the pitch black environment that's consuming us minute by minute. And then you'd hear nothing. Your sense of hearing would somehow go off after not seeing anything for quite awhile. You'll let loose. Cry. Panic. You'll be exhausted for fighting your way out. Then just when you're about to stop and give up, you're no longer afraid. There's only this deafening silence and pithole of darkness that's gonna eat you up alive. And surprisingly, you'll make a home out of it.

You'll make a home out of the darkness that when a ray of light suddenly hits you, you'll try to avoid it. You'll try to cover your eyes. You'll try to cover your ears from the voices trying to help you get out of it. You'll try to hide because your mind and body will go against your will to come out and live. Because the darkness that used to scare you, now comforts you in a way you thought has helped you survived life. And you'll try to live. Day by day. In the darkness. Not knowing where to go. Not knowing where to start. Not knowing who is with you. You will try to live until the darkness that once surrounds you is now within you. And everyday, it's gonna be a cycle of subtle torture. But let me tell you a secret. The darkness won't make you whole.

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You'll be broken. And in those hair-like cracks, the light will stubbornly fight its way through until it warms you up. Until you realize to check the switch and turn it on. Until you allow other people to help you find your way back in the light. Until you realize you're ready to live in light again. There's a light at the end of this long and dreading tunnel. The only question that matters: will you let them in?

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