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Not All Barkadas Are Meant to Last Forever, and That's Okay

It happens.
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It's easy to believe that your barkada will stay together forever, or at least until you've graduated college. Making plans of spontaneous beach trips and future weddings seemed so simple when you had your besties by your side, as you put off studying for a test just to sip coffee and bond over the simplest of things. When your laughs are at their loudest and smiles at their widest, the last thing you could think of is losing the people you imagined would be by your side the whole time. Fast forward to two years later: none of you have kept in touch.

 Fast forward to two years later: none of you have kept in touch.

Whether it be after high school graduation or in the middle of the academic year, your friends will stop walking with you. Before you can even realize what's going on, you're left with nothing but the remains of a quiet group chat with a message from 9 months ago, last seen by everyone you have come to know deeper than mere introductions.

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Hallway hugs and witty comebacks suddenly turn into casual hellos and timid waves. When worse comes to worst, it's just half smiles and the classic "I don't think we were ever friends" face, the kind you never thought you would receive from people you used to call your best friends.

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However, you don't need to keep hurting. Instead, accept the number one motto every teenager must learn: "The only permanent thing in this world is change."  Not all barkadas are meant to last forever, and that's okay.

Not all barkadas are meant to last forever, and that's okay.

You are constantly changing as a person, blooming beyond where you are planted, being more than what people think you are. Your ideals will change, and so will theirs. You will all look at high school in different ways; some may want to leave behind every memoir with it, and some may want to see it as a time for growth and improvement of their selves. For whatever reason it may be, you will no longer stay the same people you were when you fangirled over vampire movies with them.

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You found friendship within the things that defined your personality at a certain age—a personality you have outgrown and left in the embers of your previous self. It's okay to have outgrown people, too.

 It's okay to have outgrown people, too.

Do not cry over the shattered dreams of sharing a villa on the coast of Puerto Rico with your best buds. Stop reminiscing the "golden days" if all it brings you is pain and longing for the past. Instead, smile at the memories you shared with people you will always hold dear. Thank them for the experience of having people to laugh and cry with, people who accepted you when you couldn't understand yourself.

In the end, we must embrace the fact that not everyone we meet is destined to stay in our lives forever. Some of them come in the form of fleeting memories, bringing lessons we could learn only from them.

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We must embrace the fact that not everyone we meet is destined to stay in our lives forever. 

All you can do is be thankful for the memory of being surrounded by great friends, and hold on to the strength they've passed on to you during the timeline of your friendship.

How do you handle friendships that fall apart? Do you have tips on how to move on? Feel free to share them with us by leaving a comment below!

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About the author
Gillian Sun
Candymag.com Correspondent
A millennium-born Bisaya belle who dreams of becoming a respected radiologist. Born and raised in Cagayan de Oro, she aims to inspire girls to never underestimate what one is capable of, because greatness comes when we believe in ourselves.
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PRIMO.

First. Pixie dust and paper cuts – these are the first things Wendy knew about Peter Pan. Aurora first met Prince Philip when she was sixteen. Learning how to ride a bike was also a first while I was growing up, but you are probably the first of too many. The first collection of dust and stars; maybe Luna will try to ask, who was your first? I might answer and tell her that it was you.

The first of too many stars in the sky. You are the first of too many fallen leaves during fall – and you will be the most anticipated snowflake as winter comes. A dark path that you can’t see without any light, hence, you were once the moon and there are the stars that shine so bright at night. Are we too early? Or we just really want to be ahead of time? Even in a glimpse, I would like to see the two of us connect as if we can reach the sky. There are other parts of the heavens you have never saw and other oceans you haven’t laid your feet onto – but the constellations will always wait for you. Close your eyes, love, close your eyes. Start counting backward: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Count backward until you see the twinkling lights that will guide you to the right path. To the right satellite; to the right person. A first.

There are many firsts – first love, first heartbreak, first sport you played, the first thing you do in the morning, the first thing you remember about the person in front of you. There are a lot. It’s actually up to us how we will consider something as a first. So, Primo, you are already a first of too many.

Bea Alamis A day ago
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