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Here's How Birth Control Pills Are Saving My Mental Health

"I rarely ever went outside. If I didn't have to go to school, I wouldn't dare step out. When I made plans with people, I always canceled at the last minute."
ART Gab Gutierrez

Let me preface this by saying that I will not take the worst hit if birth control pills disappear. I might have it better than others in many ways, but at this point, no woman should stay silent anymore. No matter how seemingly insignificant your struggle is, it’s time to speak up for your right to live your life on your own terms.

I, for one, take contraceptives every day. I do so for medical reasons, due to a hormonal imbalance that's causing severe acne. I've only been on them for half a year, but the pills have already done wonders to my skin.

Already, you're beginning to see where this might be going. But let me wade you off that path right now and tell you that you're wrong. My taking a stand for birth control is not for the sake of being "pretty." Although I wish it were that simple, too.

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You see, I've been struggling with acne for almost 10 years now. I'm 21. It has been the bane of my self-esteem's existence since I was 13. I've had it for so long that I don't even know how to live without it anymore. And frankly, it has taken over my life, my mental health, in ways even I didn't think was possible.

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At its worst stage, I had cystic acne and whiteheads all over. Some were as big as a fingernail. They were painful when touched, and they were all over my face. They didn't grow one or two at a time, mind you. I used to have around 15 active breakouts at once: on my forehead, cheeks, chin, nose, between my eyebrows—basically everywhere. Almost all of them left dark marks and pitted scars that were impossible to fade.

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And because of that, I rarely ever went outside. If I didn't have to go to school, I wouldn't dare step out. When I made plans with people, I always canceled at the last minute. Whenever I did go out, I had my hair over my face 99% of the time. No skin care product helped. Makeup became somewhat a savior, but even that barely covered the bumps.

My family usually gets fed up by this, and I don't blame them. "Nobody cares about your pimples. Just go outside," they tell me. And the thing is, I know. I know that they probably couldn't care less. But I do. I unfortunately care a whole lot. The mere thought of people looking at my bare face was too achingly terrifying for me. I grew genuinely afraid of people seeing me. Because what they see, I had absolutely no control over, and it was frustrating. Every time I tried to have a conversation, I was always half-listening. I was too busy worrying about the zit on my nose or my chin. I remembering wanting to be a TV host at one point, but that dream died really quickly, for obvious reasons.

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The more I did about my acne, the more frustrated I became as well. I wash my face religiously, heck, I might even have a better skin care routine than most people in my circle. But I was never the one with nice skin. I have friends with great skin who wash their face with alkaline bath soap. Ironically, I was the one who told them to switch.

It didn't help that those who did see me without makeup were tactless either. Everyone suddenly becomes an acne expert when I entered the room. Asking me if I've tried this or that, naming every acne remedy they know. I've been greeted several times with "O, dumami pimples mo!" before a proper hello.

No one knew what they were doing to my self-esteem. Their attempts to "help" only told me that nothing could. They had no idea how pointing out what I was already aware of made things tougher to deal with. Imagine indirectly telling someone they're not good enough every time you saw them.

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That's why for a few years, hope really escaped me. My skin occupied most of my thoughts for many years. I was angry, insecure, and eventually resigned that I'll have acne forever. It wasn't fun.

Now doesn't that sound like an angsty teen movie? Because it sure does to me. The thing is, a trivial situation like that actually happens outside TV, and they have lifelong effects. Being in recovery, I have yet to step outside without makeup on. To this day, I still can't imagine doing it.

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I would honestly call myself out for exaggerating, too, if none of these were true. Call me whiny or petty, but the truth stands. Birth control pills are not only saving my skin, they're saving my mental health from declining as well. While my feat with acne is surely not over, having medication comforts me, assuring me that things can get better. These few months of undergoing treatment has been slowly restoring the self-esteem I forgot I should have.

However, it's not pity that I'm asking for. Not at all. Many people have it worse than I do in many ways. The point here is that contraceptives help people more than they do harm. Every woman's need, experience, and struggle in relation to it may be different, but under the law, we're one and bound together.

The government doesn't have to empathize to sympathize. They only need to acknowledge the hardships of their people and do something about it. What they don't realize with this TRO is that catering to the interest of a few will have a backwards effect on the overall welfare of women. But at the same time, the timing couldn't be more perfect. Challenging the freedom and rights of women in this era of empowerment only makes our force stronger. To all women—all Filipinos, rather, it's time to rise to the occasion. No form of oppression should be stronger than our claim to freedom.

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Sign the petition to lift the TRO for contraceptives here.

This story originally appeared on Preview.ph.

* Minor edits have been made by the Candymag.com editors.

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Nicole Caluag 17 hours ago

5 Mystery-Thriller Novels to Read

If you’re stuck at home and out of Netflix shows to binge-watch, then you might want to try and read these mystery-thriller books to match your homemade Dalgona Coffee.

1. The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides

The debut novel, and Goodreads Choice Awards Best Mystery & Thriller of 2019, follows Alicia Berenson, a well-known painter married to an esteemed fashion photographer. Life seemed perfect for Alicia, until one evening when she shot her husband five times, and… never spoke again.

2. Lock Every Door by Riley Sager

From the author of Final Girls comes this page turning novel about an infamous building in Manhattan called the Bartholomew. After stumbling upon an ad to become an apartment sitter, Jules Larsen has set out to look after apartment 12A under strict and somewhat odd conditions. Not long after stepping foot in the building, Jules has been met with unfriendly tenants, eerie noises in the apartment unit, and an abrupt departure of a fellow sitter named Ingrid.

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3. The Sun Down Motel by Simone St. James

If you loved Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho or David Lynch’s Twin Peaks, then this book is for you. After the disappearance of her Aunt Vivian while working as a night-shift clerk at the Sun Down Motel in 1982, Carly has set off to Fell NY, to work the same job at the same place as her Aunt had 35 years ago – with hopes of uncovering the truth lurking behind the Motel walls.

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4. Verity by Colleen Hoover

While known for Young-Adult Novels such as Slammed and Maybe Someday, Colleen Hoover offers readers a romantic thriller about Lowen Ashleigh, a struggling author who was given the opportunity to finish the three remaining novels of a successful series after its original author, Verity Crawford, suffered an accident and has become immobile. After receiving an invite at the Crawford manor to sort through Verity’s notes, Lowen discovers an unpublished autobiography revealing the truth about Verity. With the eerie atmosphere of having Verity confined in her own home, and who is seemingly aware of her surroundings, Lowen is certain Verity is not what she appears to be.

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5. Dark Matter by Blake Crouch

A mind-bending science fiction thriller from the best-selling author of Wayward Pines – Dark Matter is packed with the concept of the Multiverse and the philosophy of existentialism. The novel follows an ordinary Physics professor, Jason Dessen, who was looking forward to dinner with his family while walking the streets of Chicago. The next thing he knew, he was being held at gunpoint – by a man wearing a mask – and injected with an unknown drug and blacks out. When he regains consciousness, he learns that the world he woke up to was different from the world he knew.

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Here's a poem I wrote a while back reflecting on what it's like over-rationalize a simple thing like crushing on a dude -- hence, the title "Scientific Method"

Scientific Method

You were a phenomenon I cannot wrap my head around

When I first met you, my heart forgot to make its signature sound

And it's overwhelming, your presence;

And underwhelming, so science will be the only language I'll hide in-- For now.

Observation--

At first glance, I notice your top button unbuttoned,

and your shirt fully cotton

Complete with a smile as nervous as me

And a swagger in your step only I can see

Further on, I find your wit to be at a pace

That doesn't leave any space for tension to rise

and it's all too nice

And ridiculous and a bit too suspicious

That this isn't another (well,) circus.

Hypothesis--

Now, let's take a wild guess,

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Oh, but it has to be smart, yes,

That this could lead to something with potential

That this isn't another differential easily solved

With a formula, tried and tested but never evolved

Experiment--

For so long, we've both been independent of any dependent

Keeping our variables fixed and ourselves distracted

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With anything, everything,

But not a single thing

Could stop me from pushing this blindly to find its threshold,

Hoping that it's a quantity my hands could still hold

Over hours, days, and weeks

Through minor revisions and tweaks

Then comes the analysis -- that these weren't accidents

So, now I find myself in a conundrum

With the anomaly in a blue shirt right in front of me,

That this had to be processed logically,

But the findings are as follows:

None of which were shallow, so I therefore conclude that it's true,

I therefore conclude that it's you.

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Ancilla Diamante 18 hours ago

Mi Luna: The Light in My Dark Soul Locked in… Alone…

Why do I feel comforted by darkness? Oh cause maybe because… I am a jolly and very enthusiast kid back then. All I know is to have fun, laugh and play. But as I grow older, everything has changed, a lot. I can feel the changes. I know the more I get older, I’m turning to something I’m not. You know what, I just realized I like it even more. And that’s how I turned a monster. A monster to my own self. Always questioning life and even God about the things that are happening with my life. “Do I deserve this?”. Every day was a struggle. “Which mask should I wear now?”. And every night is my judgement time. “Should I still continue with my miserable life?”. This certainly sum up my whole life. I have this mindset since I was young. I can say that my experiences made me like this. I always want to escape, but every time I tried to pick up myself up, there is always shits that pulls me down. And there, I get tired. Hoping that no one would ever see this. As I despise myself as well. What I can do now is to just embraced everything, I just embraced darkness- reflecting my own self.

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“Look at the moon, it can shine alone and it can give us light at night.” A line I was keeping in my mind that a friend of mine helps me realize things and been there to fix my path. And there I started seeking for my moon but I do not know which part should I start. As days passed, I started to open up myself. I started to act as what truly inside me. It is very hard at first and there is this time that even the situation got worst. But as I continue exploring with my life, a question pop out on my head “Why did I still get this far?”, I can say that maybe I should do this, maybe I really can do this but it is myself who is holding me back because I’m afraid.

Now as far as I am trying to revive my soul, there I know that many people care. Yes, I learned to open up but not to all, on different situations there are people who can understand me because they have the same situation as I am. I learn to open up as long as they did not force me. I learned to navigate and open up for whom I trusted and at the same time when I am ready. The light that I am seeking is my own understanding and acceptance about myself. My light is myself and I am Mi Luna. So it is not too late to save myself. I have thought that, I should be a survivor and winner. That I should also be the ruler of my own mind and soul. Eliminate the room for darkness and let the light shine through you, that I can say how I earned myself again. Mi Luna’s darkness have turned to spotlight.

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