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I've Been Seen-zoned, Now What?

Zones without closure-welcome to the seen-zone.
ART Clare Magno

Let's be honest, we've all done our fair share of seen-zoning, but we still end up wounded when we’re at the receiving end. When your message is about something particularly important and all you get is "Seen by everyone," you get so frustrated and start to rant about how much you hate group work. What's a Candy Girl got to do then? Well, it's a case-to-case basis. Read more about how to deal with different seen-zone situations, and tell us more about your experiences below!

  1. Group work

One of the most annoying seasons is group project season. That stretch of time before deadline is gruesome, especially when you're stuck with people who just love leaving you hanging. But what if it's really urgent? You just can't take "Seen" for an answer. If it can't wait until the next time you meet up, tell them just that. Don't come off too strong or they'll just continue ignoring you. Go for a gentler approach so they'll actually feel bad about it. A little dose of guilty won't kill them, but it usually does the trick.

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Before you even conclude your first meeting with your groupmates, jokingly tell them that one of your greatest pet peeves is when groupmates don't reply to messages online, and hopefully, they're not one of those people. Remember to keep it light and humorous, you don't want to scare them off or intimidate them with a threat, but you do want them to know you're serious.

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  1. Surveys, etc.

There are times when you just have to step out of your comfort zone and do what must be done. That's exactly how we feel when we send messages to people we're not even a tad bit close to, or to a complete stranger even. When it comes to giving out surveys online, we just want to get as much respondents as we can, surely, not everyone will reply to your message. That's a given. Don't hold it against them. Just keep sending out those messages. Try making every message as personal as possible and target their individual self-interests. What matters is that you get tons of respondents for your survey, not for your message.

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  1. Outing/Lakwacha plans

You have this sudden burst of inspiration for your next barkadatrip, and you just can't wait to tell your friends about it. You immediately go online and message them about it, but all you get is another "Seen by everyone." Uh, I thought we were friends. Friends don't just seen-zone their friends. Chances are, they might just be waiting out on each other. They're checking to see the first person who's going to say yes or no to your plan, before they step up as well. Instead of risking this kind of situation, try messaging them individually. Propose your awesome idea to them one by one, and the chances of them replying to you will definitely increase.

  1. Random Kwento/Questions

Just like those lakwacha plans, you might have this super eventful thing that happened to you today, but after you eagerly wait for their reactions, no one bothers to even acknowledge your wonderful experience. Think about it this way: When you share stories with your friends, sometimes, they just listen. Your only affirmation to knowing that they're actually paying attention is their facial expressions. Virtual conversation doesn't give you that, so before feeling bad about their seemingly apathetic "Seen 7PM," maybe they just don't really have anything to say. But that doesn't really mean they don't care.

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Similar to the group projects, if the matter is really urgent, press them one more time for answers. If it’s just a random line you're throwing, don't be so offended. They might either just not really know the answer to your question or honestly have nothing to say. Period.

  1. Initiating a conversation

Oops. If you're not close with the person you're trying to initiate a conversation with, they're most probably just a little bit skeptic about you. Once they leave you seen-zoned for a long time, it's most likely that they don’t know you that well to feel comfortable talking to you. It’s always better to initiate a conversation personally, that way, you can continue your conversation online (if it actually goes pretty well). If it's more urgent than a casual getting-to-know-you, don't start it with just a single word like "Hi," say a little something about yourself to make him/her more comfortable replying to you.

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About the author
Nicole Chiang
Candymag.com Correspondent
A fan of music, theatre, movies, books and food, Nicole is an all-around over-achiever who won’t stop pushing for the best, and nothing but the best.
VIEW OTHER ARTICLES FROM Nicole

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Bulletin
A community page where you can share your feels and show your skills! Learn more here

"Today, I Won"

I always caught feelings for someone, and hoped so much that one day there could a thing between the two of us. I'm usually the one that makes the effort to buy and/or make cute gifts, chats them every other day, and stays up all night with him.

When I was 16, my childhood crush suddenly came back into my life. We'd constantly send updates to each other, recommend favorite songs and talk even the most random things. He'd even text me as early as 6 to just greet me good morning almost everyday. I hoped so much that when I confessed, he suddenly stopped talking to me.

For short, he ghosted me. Those 6 months I spent talking to him, allotting my time for him, and staying up until 3 am for him - all gone in a simple confession. Although I had a few crushes before him, he's the only one that got me in real pain. It was the kind of pain that I never thought I'd experience. It was the kind of pain that I couldn't believe.

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After 7 years (it happened back in 2017), I thought he came back into my life to stay, but I guess he's just one of the guys who distanced. I felt a complete loser that time. But during this quarantine, everything was different. I caught feelings for someone else, but he treated me with the best kindness yet.

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It happened at 2 am, May 30, 2020, when I impulsively confessed my feelings through messaging him. After saying my feelings, he responded with genuine and kind words. We both even complimented each other. Although the feelings didn't reciprocate, I still found a connection that can't be replaced with any guy.

To my 16 year old self, here I am, 18 and happy. You may have felt that time was the biggest regret and loss, but I'm here to tell you, we won. Today, I won.

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Juliana Rebong 11 hours ago

Why our high school barkada is the best?

Remembering our high school years entails quite a lot reminiscing of the things we all been through when we were younger. You’ve experience a lot of new things during those 4 wonderful years and did most of them with the few people you consider your barkada. And through a series of all the lunch breaks you had together, the walks you took on the way home, and taking the same classes, you never thought you’d survive, you have made your life’s greatest friends.

Here are some of the reasons why your high school barkada is the best:

1. You figured out early teenage life together. The transition one have undergone from being a kid to a teenager wasn’t easy. For a moment you are not sure whether you should have played with your friends during recess or you should have just sat down and ate your food because you were too old for games. But whatever it is you chose to do, having friends who were as clueless as you make everything feel easier because you know, deep down, you’d figure things out eventually. You just need good company.

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2. They were with you during your “jeje“ days. I bet you have pictures taken with Camera360 and Retrica. You also have pictures edited using Pizap with embarrassing captions and you somehow kept some of them so you could have something to post online during their birthdays.

3. They know all your exes. They will never EVER forget the name of an ex-boyfriend, an ex-fling, an ex-crush, and an almost you had. They will remind you of your every questionable love decision but you’ll just laugh anyway while saying “Past is past”.

4. They never judge you. They have welcomed you to their lives when you thought jelly shoes and checkered polos were the bomb! They were quick to have told your teachers that you were not feeling well so you could go home when you really just needed to poop. You tell them every embarrassing story you have and were fine with it.

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5. You can always count on them. From the moment you first fell in love and the moment you first had your heart broken, they were with you. They were with you the moment you lost a parent and at moments when you thought you had nothing. Through every break-up and breakthrough, they were there to be your support system.

6. They are your family. Your high school friend’s family is your own family’s extension. Their parents are like your own. Don’t you feel a little kilig whenever your friend’s parents call you “anak”? And then eventually calling them mama and papa became so natural? I felt that, all the time.

7. They will always be your home. They are your place of refuge and security, the place who offers you their hands when you feel lost and the place you run to when you need saving. No matter how much time and distance separate you, they will be the one’s that you always long for and they are the one’s that you will always return to.

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