I remember packing up my things—school books and a Hello Kitty pencil case—all set in my roller bag. It was the first day of pre-school and I was excited to make new friends at a new school. I was always the jolly kid, who would ramble endlessly and would end up with wounds because I loved running around with my playmates.
As much as I wanted to make friends, for some reason my classmates always turned their backs against me. If I wanted to join their game of habulan or a round of "ice-ice-water," they'd completely oust me and tell me I couldn't. For a kid, it was hurtful. When grade school came, I was always tricked and threatened if I didn't oblige to do what they wanted. It's true what you see in movies when the bullies always take your lunch money. I was in grade school when that happened. The bribery, threats, and pushing around were just the beginning when I was 7 years old.
I moved to a new school because I was feeling unhappy and my grades started to get affected. I thought a new school would be a fresh start. I was able to make friends, but bullies had their way of sneaking back into my life. But it wasn't a game of sticking out tongues as insult anymore. It was a world of backstabbing, cyberbullying, and parinig.
High school was some of the roughest years for me. I've had people completely abandon me, hurt me, and say things right to my face. Some schoolmates who I never spoken to or close with would glare at me because of rumors and misconceptions about me. Then there came a trend website that allowed people to ask you anonymous and non-anonymous questions. That's where the swarm of haters sent in so much spiteful comments, from petty to really nasty ones. One comment even targeted my own family. From there I realized how ruthless people could be and for a time I was so angry with the world.
I will never understand what I could have possibly done so wrong. My depression began there. Not only was I dealing with problems in school, but with what was happening in my very own home as well.
I felt like the world was crashing down on me and I had never felt so alone. I had no one to confide in, not even the people who I thought would be there for me. And that's when I turned to self-injury. I felt so sad and angry with everyone and even myself. At that time, it felt like the only way to relieve myself from everything that was happening.
I then came to a point of not wanting to wake up for school anymore because I didn't want to face what they were doing to me. I already felt lonely as it is, but they had a way of rubbing it in my face. All day, I would pretend it wasn;t affecting me and that I wasn't weak. As much as I hate to admit it to myself, it was killing me inside. I had to pretend I was sick and when I ran out of excuses, my parents started getting mad at me for being absent all the time. To everyone, it seemed like I was being lazy and stubborn but in reality, I was hurting.
Senior year was when I started to recover. I stopped self-harming and began looking at the brighter side. I kept reminding myself that things will eventually get better. Although bullies, haters, or whatever- you-call-them were still around the corner, it didn't bother me as much. In one way, I felt better than I did before.
I have to say that prep up until high school was just one long bump in the road. I got through it. Some people will say harsh things and will always try to bring you down, but it's inevitable. It's up to you whether you let it affect you or not. Looking back at everything, I knew that it made me a lot stronger than I was before. I was able to see who were true, who were fake, and who were the people not really worth my time and effort.
Despite losing people in my life, I knew that it was for the better. People who bring so much negativity are a burden to themselves and that shouldn't be your problem. I've learned not to trust anyone so easily and began focusing on what was more important: my priorities, my goals, and only the positive people in my life.
I'm currently in college and in a better place in my life right now. To anyone who is going through rough moments, I'm telling you that it will eventually be over. There's no need to hurt yourself because it won't do any good. Wipe your tears and always pray for the better. I'm not going to promise that the "battles" you face won't change you. They will leave scars, but you will grow so much as a person because of them. Think of it this way: whatever life hands you, it's either a blessing or a lesson. It's up to you to choose how you see them.
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