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I'm Single and In Love

I'm seventeen and single and I'm totally okay with it.

We live in a society that forces boys and girls together, as if that’s the only way to live—with your hand in the palm of another. I'm already seventeen, and most girls my age are in a relationship. Sometimes it feels as if everything I'm doing is part of this linear process that will soon end up with me finding a guy to live forever with. Admittedly, I’m quite the hopeless romantic, but right now I'm single, and I'm totally okay with it.

You see, my palms don't itch for romantic hand-holding. Instead, it craves for the tip of the pen, the edges of a book, the shutter of a camera, the stars, the stars, the stars, and the infinite skies.

Sometimes I get the feeling that whenever people find out my being single, they judge me. They think there's something wrong with me, that there must be a thing in me that can't seem to get guys. But honestly, this is personal choice.

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After all, I'm only seventeen.

It will come. He will come. For now, I'll try to make myself the best version of me—not so guys would be attracted to me, but rather, I’ll do it for myself.

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Because being single allows me to chase after my dreams at my own pace, without having someone constantly tugging my arms to stay. And the thing here is, I'm a dreamer. I plan to go to places and meet people— maybe in the process I’ll meet him— but for now, let me enjoy myself first.

See, to be single is to love yourself, to not rely huge parts of you on somebody else’s sometimes-temporary feelings toward you. So to all the single ladies, here's what we're going to do:

We're going to watch movies, listen to good music, read, read, read, see places, meet people, grow, be happy, and love ourselves, because to learn how to love oneself is the kind of love that brings real happiness, the kind that shows on your face. So when somebody's brave enough to be with me, to stay with me in all my wanderlust, to appreciate me in all my flaws, to disturb me in my happiness and make me feel blissI will let him be the place I go home to.

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Love is exciting, but it's not something one should desperately search for. It will come, he will come. For now, love yourself until your heart is ready to love somebody, until someone learns how to love you whole, because that’s the kind of love worth the wait, the kind of love we all deserve. 

Got an essay, a story, anything you want to share? Shoot us an email at candymagazine @gmail.com to submit and you just might see it in this space.

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About the author
Cidee Despi
Candymag.com Correspondent
She is a liberal arts student by weekdays and a fanatic of everything art every day. Her hobbies include getting emotional over really good mixtapes and spoken word poetry.
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