'I Got Ghosted by a Friend, and Here's What I Learned From It'

by Sharleen Estrella   |  Sep 29, 2021
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At some point in our lives, we meet someone we consider as our constant. A friend that we enjoy having their companion, and someone we go to when new things happen in our lives. But, what if one day that person suddenly leaves without even explaining why? That is when “ghosting” happens. 

Ghosting is a term that we, Gen Z, use when somebody just disappears without telling you why. Since we live in a more digital life, usually, the term is used when someone suddenly doesn't reply, placing your messages into the delivered- or seen-zone. In other words: They just disappeared, like a ghost!

Before the term “ghosting” was even a thing, I already had my own experience of being a ghostee, aka someone who has been ghosted. I used to have a friend with whom I always spent most of my school time back in high school. Together, we spent our merienda and lunch breaks, partnered up for projects, and did all the other things that friends do together. I genuinely considered them as one of my closest friends. But one day, when they transferred to a different school, we suddenly drifted apart. Whenever I send a message, like simple kumustahan, I receive blank stares from my mobile phone. They also stopped inviting me to different life events. I got ghosted.

That’s just one of the fair shares I had regarding ghosting, but it was significant. With that, here are some things I realized and a list of reasons why I avoid ghosting.


I’m just prolonging the problem by avoiding it. 

Although technically I got ghosted, a part of me feels like there was already an ongoing beef between us. Disclaimer: These are just my speculations. With this, I realized that ghosting is just a band-aid solution, not an actual one. Since we didn’t have the proper closure, we didn’t get a chance to settle our problems. Ghosting didn’t do anything better to our relationship. Instead, it prolonged our problem even after years.

That's my first reason why, as much as possible, I try to avoid ghosting. I’m the type of person who doesn’t want to continue my life with unresolved problems and living a life with what-ifs. Of course, I also feel the fear of confrontation. However, I believe that confronting others is worth it rather than leaving them hanging. 

It robs a person’s right to have peace of mind.

Up until now, I still wonder what I did wrong that offended them. I still question how we’ve reached this kind of awkwardness whenever we cross paths, when in fact, we were inseparable before. Without proper closure, lingering thoughts like those still occur to me even if years have passed. 

Even though there is the prospect of growing apart (which is a normal thing in friendship), having a sense of closure would've given relief and peace of mind to both parties. With the experience I went through, I realized that ghosting takes a toll on a person’s mental health, in the sense that we still have unanswered questions in mind and no one else can provide the answers for us, not even ourselves. 

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Being ghosted wasn't a good feeling, so I don't want others to have the same experience.

I believe in the thing called karmaboth good and bad. I try not to ghost others because I don’t want to feel it again. At the bottom of everything, I realized that ghosting other people isn’t the way to settle conflicts and solve problems.

Even if our friendship didn’t come to a good end, I would like to thank them. Without being ghosted, I wouldn’t have realized the things I just shared above. If there is one main takeaway, I realized that, sometimes, ghosting results from fear. We fear to hear the hurtful words that our good friend might say to us. But, we must remember that life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. We must take the courage to face the musicand sometimes even get hurt. Through this, we can become better and stronger people, ready to face tougher life battles in the future.


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Sharleen Estrella
Candy Digital Intern
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