How To Step Out Of The Stereotype

Sick of being stuck in a role your friends have forced upon you? Here's how to stand up for yourself without losing your buddies.
by Ines Bautista-Yao   |  Jul 9, 2010
photo by Jake Verzosa
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The Joke
I have springy, curly hair that stands up all around my head. My friends tease me about it so I try to cover it up with a bandana or even a cap, but it doesn’t stop them! It makes it even worse. They like to play with my hair and make “Boing! Boing!” noises then they all laugh. I just laugh along with them, but it hurts.

It’s okay to: Tell them about it.
Hurt can go away after a while, but if the teasing doesn’t stop, your hurt can turn into anger, which can eventually become resentment. Imagine hanging out with your friends, laughing and pretending to have a great time but deep inside, you’re slowly starting to hate them. You need to speak out before you burst! If you feel confident enough to tell your friends to cut it out, go ahead. You might even realize that they didn’t mean to hurt you, thinking you were cool with it because you never hinted otherwise. But if you feel you can’t tell them straight out, pull aside the girl you’re closest to and tell her how you feel. She can talk to the rest of the gang. When someone does something that hurts you, don’t just sit there and take it, because if you do, nothing will change. 

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The Single Girl
I’m really happy in my barkada, but I’m the only one without a best friend. I’m beginning to feel left out and it can get depressing.

It’s okay to: Not have a best friend.
It can get lonely when you don’t have one person to latch on to when you need to feel better about yourself, especially when your friends have their own best buds. But look at it this way: you’re free to be friends with as many girls as you want, no one will get jealous because you’re spending more time with someone else, and you won’t need to check with one person whenever you want to do something with other friends. Of course there are pluses to having a best friend, so why not have several best friends? Besides, the label “best friend” isn’t as important as the quality of your friendships. If you’ve got one girl to turn to when you need advice, another to play soccer with, and yet another to go mall hopping with, why should you look for just one person to fill all these roles? Family therapist Malyn Cristobal says, “It doesn’t make you less of a person if you don’t belong to somebody. Don’t get so caught up and stuck with one or two then fail to get to know others and meet others. You don’t have to have a best friend to feel good about yourself.”

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About the author
Ines Bautista-Yao
Former Editor in Chief, Candy
ines@candymag.com
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