When someone new comes along in your best friend's life, it's completely normal to feel like a clingy and selfish girlfriend the moment jealousy and overprotective tendencies begin to kick in. You found them first, and you feel entitled to reserving sole rights to your bestie's awesomeness. Sure people can experience their amazing personality too, but not as much as you. "Finders keepers, losers weepers!" You try to hold yourself back from yelling with your tongue sticking out like an immature kindergartner. But sometimes, our feelings can cloud our judgment, and in this case, your fear of having your bff stolen away is blinding you from seeing that they're not a prize to be won or a treasure to be kept. So before you completely scare them off with your possessiveness, here is your 6-step guide to dealing with this homie hurdle.
- Try getting to know your best friend's new bae.
Chances are, they're not as horribly repulsive as your envy-infested mind makes them out to be. I mean, there's gotta be some reason why your bestie likes them so much, right? Plan a trio hangout where you can all bond and get to know each other. If for some reason you can't get in touch face-to-face, make an effort to speak to them frequently to vibe them out. This way, you two will be able to establish a relationship of your own!
- Let your best friend bask in her new friendship for a while.
When you simplify the famous quote, "Love is just friendship on fire," you will realize that being someone's friend comes with all the qualities and implications of a relationship minus the romance. And just like any couple, your friend and their newfound peer will go through a "honeymoon" period (which typically lasts from 3-4 months) wherein they're constantly spending time with each other and inevitably becoming oblivious to anyone else in their lives (increase in inside jokes, weekly hangouts, matching outfits, talking to and about each other 24/7—yeah, you know this level). Admittedly, this'll be the worst stage for you to witness. But don't worry because this high will only go on for so long since everything that comes up must eventually come down.
- Give them space.
Still on the topic of friendships doubling as low-key relationships, similar to a healthy pair, the people involved need to have enough air to breathe and do their own thing. Just because you and your bestie are practically soul mates, it doesn't mean you have to keep each other bounded. Remind yourself that they can and will have their own friends, whether you like it or not. So don't hold them down, because the harder you hold the leash, the more persistent the urge to slip away becomes.
- Don't make a big deal out of nothing.
When it comes to issues like this, you must always remember to determine the line between overreacting and being reasonably upset. Try to put things into perspective and not let your sensitivity overrule your sensible thoughts. If your best friend no longer texts you every day but still talks to you often, there's no point in pretending they're ignoring you; they're occupied, not avoiding. But if you and your BFF only speak for convenience or necessity, you are allowed to reevaluate the status of your friendship.
- Have frequent one-on-one hangouts with your bestie.
Schedule some alone time with your cosmic twin by hosting a sleepover, going out for a chill mall date, or having a spontaneous no-agenda road trip. Whatever bonding tactic you choose, grandness or flamboyance should be of no concern because the only thing that really matters is that it's something personal and private between the two of you. If you need physical manifestations of your closeness with your BFF, any variation of a hangout will do just the trick to prove that nothing between you guys has really changed.
- Get in touch with yourself.
But the harsh reality is that we can't stop the negative feelings we get from watching someone else put a smile on our best friend's face. Constantly worrying ourselves with issues like this will eventually take a torrid toll on us and distract us from our daily activities. Instead of spending hours on end either plotting how to kidnap your bestie from the movie he/she is seeing with their new buddy, or wallowing in your pity part of one, go out and get some fresh air. Alone. Me time is essential in surviving the crises that we encounter. Go for a walk, treat yourself to a nice meal, binge watch your favorite shows, or read a new book. Take care of yourself because at the end of the day, you are your longest and most important commitment.